3 Things That Are Keeping You Single

Most of us are open to discussion about difficult topics as long as they don't pertain to us. This is especially true for people who are otherwise perfectly fine, but somehow just can't land or maintain a good relationship. If you are still single and have a lot of anxiety or confusion about why this is so, here are three things you might be doing that are sabotaging your efforts. If you can't take a hard look at yourself, don't expect this situation to resolve itself automatically.

If you're a reasonably social person, you probably go to a fair amount of dates, dinners or parties. When you're at these social events, more often than not you come across a lot of people who are in relationships. When you look at them, you might wonder why they are with someone and you aren't. Certainly, you have most of the 'eligibility criteria' boxes checked on your personality. But for some reason, you just haven't managed to find someone. Or, you may have found someone, but you aren't committing either out of fear of being rejected or having ridiculous romance novel fantasy expectations for other people. Whichever boat you find yourself in, lets look at a few reasons why you're still single, and are probably going to remain single until you fix these.

1. Your self-respect is low to non-existent.

If you aren't a hero and a lovable person in your own eyes, how do you expect other people to jump on the bandwagon? Now, you might be thinking "I have a lot of self-respect... this doesn't apply to me." That's not your self-respect speaking. It's your ego. It's a knee-jerk defensive reaction to a statement that questions your credibility. Recognize it for what it is, and lets move on.

Think about it like this, if you had a great life, this statement wouldn't bother you. If you ate well, exercised regularly, had a healthy sleep schedule and indulged yourself in activities that excite you, you wouldn't have any time to think about other people's opinions of you. If you spoke clearly and concisely even in social situations, without fear of being rejected because your ideas run contrary to the peer group you're in, you would have a close circle of great friends.

As an experiment, try the above for a month. See what happens. Make yourself a personality worthy of admiration. Don't seek approval. Do something that excites you. Pursue a hobby. Help other people, without an agenda. Stop getting flustered by criticism. Instead of trying to put other people down, elevate and inspire them.

It's easier said than done, but if it wasn't, everyone would be doing it.

2. You have wildly unrealistic expectations.

If you haven't been to the gym in five years, spend all your free time stalking people on Facebook and flaming strangers on internet forums, how do you expect to land a woman who has her life together and is emotionally stable? If you go out into the world with this expectation, you will come up against a wall over and over again. If you then try to rationalize the problem as being external, and not something wrong with yourself, you will be running around in circles.

Conversely, if you are a woman who has a good job and are approached by good looking men all the time, what excuse do you have for complaining about there being a lack of good men? If you want all of the people that enter your life to be a combination of Mark Zuckerberg, a Nobel Prize winner and a genius artist, you are the problem. There are more than enough good men out there. Stop buying into the trash that romance novels and magazines spout.

Managing your expectations is absolutely key to succeeding with relationships. In today's world, where there are so many social networks and places for people to meet each other, we seem to have bought into our own delusions. Since it's easy to dismiss a profile on a webpage with a single click of your finger, today's generation of single people is hooked onto the fantasy of finding the perfect person with the perfect body, without ever spending a single minute assessing themselves objectively.

It's the tough but honest truth - if you are a slob, get off the couch before you start blaming the world for your single status.

3. You don't have the ability to genuinely connect with another person.

You can indulge in surface conversations just fine if you are decently social. However, forming deep and lasting relationships requires exposing yourself to another person in a way that makes many people uncomfortable. A lot of folks will talk about the weather and their favorite restaurants with gusto, but when it comes to admitting an insecurity or talking about their hopes and dreams, they go mum. And then they wonder why people just want to be friends, or make excuses when you ask them to hang out with you.

Getting to know people intimately is a fundamentally emotional process, and therefore you need to be available to them emotionally. You need to open yourself up, be honest without fear of criticism and say what is on your mind and in your heart to truly connect with another person. A lot of people who have issues with intimacy are often those who have never really taken time for introspection. If you don't know yourself, how can you know another person?

In summation, being intimate and getting into a relationship first requires you to take an objective look at the above hard truths about yourself. It's not a logical process, and the journey to achieving it is fundamentally different depending upon the kind of person you are. So if you're still single and wondering why that is so, make sure you aren't sabotaging your own success by doing any of the above.