CLEANING OUT MY SHED
My memories of my past life are all in my shed, bundled up packed away , some things eaten by moths, stained by water, rotting back into nothing.My life is all in my shed. My past life, the life I was happy with , content with .
I pulled out a chair, Bernard used to sit in that chair , the stain from his fingers still remains on the arms. The chest of drawers where he kept stuff, the old bible, his pipe… I sniffed it and cried, again, I saw his stool down the back , now on top of my daughters old rocking horse , I cried. remembering how he used to put his feet up on his stool , and how id take off his boots and rub his feet. he would say , come here baby, and touch my neck with his big hands and pull my face to his to kiss me. Id sit on his lap , then he'd cuddle me …. did i tell you today I love you baby… he said that every day ….. not yet Id say … Then he would say , I'm sorry i am so late to tell you this today.my baby……..
How can I throw away that stool ? Our baby daughter Bonnie, would jump on her horse and say papa , push me , push me, again , again , again,……. how can I get rid of that horse ?
There are his books , leafing through , I see some greasy marks, maybe a flick of butter from the machine when he was baking a cake, there is still powder of chocolate on the page , well marked and thumbed as one of his favourite recipes to cook lies on that page … i remember the taste of that cake ….. How can I throw away that cook book? ……What use will his favourite shirt be to anyone , I was smelling the armpits of that shirt, after all these years his deodorant smell is still there. I have to keep that shirt. I wiped my tears on his shirt underarms , I lost him, but he's still with me. How can I throw away his things,
I closed the door of my shed , ill try to face it again tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to clear it out.
Memories of someone you love and miss so much can stop you from progressing in life …… is that my problem ?
Saskia
Comments (23)
Just for you takeme...
I don't know you or what has happened in your life or what your present situation is. My heart swells to think that kind of deep love is possible. I am joyful that you got to experience it. My thoughts are..if things have been ruined passed saving...then get rid of them. I have had to rid myself of many things I held dear because of moths or some other critter. HOWEVER....the shirt, the chair, the book, the horse... who says you MUST get rid of them. They are a part of you.an important part that makes you who you are right now. Yes, the initial shock of seeing things you maybe haven't for some time renews old hurts and makes the loss like new. This is just a process that has to be felt. BUT, I say cherise a few special items...don't banish them to the shed...make them a daily part of your life. They are a special piece never to be forgotten. After a while these items may not cause as much pain...just a warm glow and a smile.............Good luck and remember that special love
That man was fortunate to have a wife and children like you! And the family was fortunate to have a man like him!
You can't throw things way! Keep them until you decide it's time and only then! And if you decide not to then keep them and hold them and cherish them!!!
About stopping you from progressing, I don't know... it depends how or whether it influences your attitude to other men. I think you have such a big and warm heart that you have space for both your shed and a new love, and without being unfair to both of them.
For me it is the only proof I had borne 4 kids, who were once young, and we had spent time together as a family. Their stuff are living memories.......
You're lucky you were loved so much.
As for your last answer... I feel unqualified to answer.
answerquestion... I feel unqualified to answer"