Mastering the Perfect Partnership

What holds a relationship together? We all know that communication is the key to keeping the relationship alive - but what kind of communication? That doesn't mean talking at him or her and disregarding the other person's input. Communicating with your partner and understanding their perception of reality is the key.

What a concept. How does that work? We all have our own perception of reality, and no matter how close we are to another person, it's highly unlikely that any two people will see reality in exactly the same manner. Understand your partner's perception of reality and communicate with them on that basis.

What else? To me, kindness, honesty, self-awareness and a sense of humour are some of the most attractive qualities a man can have. Those are the values that are most important to me in any relationship.

Knowing yourself, your values, your issues, and what is and is not important to you is going to assist in any disagreement and how you respond. It's not about being right or getting your own way, it's about why is there a disagreement and how can it be resolved so that both people are satisfied with the outcome?

The biggest one? Putting your ego aside. That doesn't mean to put yourself second all the time. It means realizing that a disagreement is your partner's way of letting you know their needs are not being met. The biggest assumption that partners make in a relationship is that they need to be shown love the same way that we need to be shown love.

Me? I enjoy a touch on the arm, a hug around the shoulders, a kiss on the neck, top of the head or forehead. Any little touch that lets me know my partner's aware of my presence. Birthdays and holidays, I love gifts and flowers. They don't have to be expensive, simply a token of my partner's appreciation. And yes, I want to hear those three little words.

Not everyone likes to be acknowledged in those ways. Perhaps my partner does not like PDA's and their way of receiving love is spending quality time with their partner, words of affirmation (I love you), or acts of service (eg -making your partner their favourite meal). Once you understand how your partner prefers to receive love, a deeper trust and intimacy can be formed with less chance of disagreement through miscommunication and misunderstanding.

However, honest, sincere communication entails a significant degree of trust, but also releasing the need to control either a situation or another person. We all have control issues, and it's paramount to a successful relationship to understand which ones we have, and how they are manifested.

I'd bet that almost everyone has said, well, the partner I want is going to be ......, and thus ensues a list of wants. What it comes down to, though, is what are we bringing to the table and what are we prepared to give? Personally, I love spoiling my mate, provided I feel cherished, loved and respected. That doesn't mean I want a clone of myself in any relationship, as I think it's really important that people retain their autonomy in pursuing their own interests and hobbies. Conversely, it's equally important to be able to share some interests and hobbies - balance. Some people want/need to spend all their time with their mate - and that's fine provided each person's needs are being met.

It seems almost an oxymoron to say that the key to a good relationship is self-awareness. But without being aware of our own issues, how can we possibly expect to nurture a healthy relationship with anyone else? When we become self-aware, we also can become more giving, more accepting, and more understanding of others.

Mastering a perfect partnership means mastery of being the perfect partner, from both people.

Comments (18)

I haven't mastered it yet, tried four times so far, got one more up my sleeve I hope.

I have mastered be happy as hell with myself, I think that is a good start!
Fay - yeah, isn't that a fact? If you're not happy with yourself, it's highly unlikely you'll be happy with anyone else.

You know, when I see someone say looking for a partner to complete me, you have no idea what a turn off that is for me. Heck, if you're not complete on your own, don't come near me. I don't consider myself 'half' of anything, and think more of a partnership as not making a whole, but more making it double.

If people don't feel they're complete, I'm not the person to try and fill their gaps - they have to do that.
Yes, its truly important that your partner understands the ways that one perceives validation and caring.
Myself, I appreciate a new different color Ferrari or Lamborghini, as a gift on my birthday & our anniversary each year. laugh
Haha Jim - how's that working for you, so far? rolling on the floor laughing
I can't understand why relationships last less than a year and end right before my birthday. crying laugh
I remember about 10 years ago or so reading a Sunday Newspaper Parade Magazine article about a book written by Barbara Felden (Get Smart Agent 99) called "Blissfully Single". It was how being single for her was the perfect relationship. I never forgot that because I too am in my best when I am alone. I don't mean I'm a hermit. I am not. Some people don't know how to be single. They are always going from one relationship to another because when they become single they are too quick to get into another one. They don't take time to relax while being single and clear ones thoughts. Some people don't know how to be in a relationship. I guess that would be me. I have been in 4 relationships. The longest one lasted 2 years. I was never comfortable. I am always comfortable being single. It works for me.

Willy, thanks for your comment. I think it's a fallacy that everyone needs to be in a relationship in order to be happy. Yes, we are social animals, but some of us are less social than others, and there's nothing wrong with that. I find that many people are not comfortable with themselves, and always seek someone to fill their void. Then there are others, like yourself, who prefers to stay single, and why I personally think that a monogamous relationship while retaining separate residences is the perfect solution.
Hello LadyImp,wave We meet up again,wow I ve always have thought communication is the most important part of a relationship. And a part of communications is listening. I figure everyone has their own set of skills and abilities, and if a person realises it, and learn from those, from their partner, it strengthens a relationship. A matter of give and take and respecting the fact, that your partner has done, and experienced things you haven t , and these abilities are a plus to a friendship.

Hi again 1to1to1 wave I also believe that communication is the most important part of a relationship. Yes, listening is a huge part of communicating, and not just listening, but actually hearing and understanding what the other person has to say and has done.

That's so true about respecting that your partner has experiences that you haven't, and vice versa. What happens in many relationships is one partner loses themselves to the other, and both parties start assuming they know everything about the other person.

What I have learned over the years is that what we say and do is about us, no one else. So if one partner says 'so you mean this' (usually interrupting and not listening) and then goes off on a tangent. What they're doing is making an assumption that what's in their head is in your head - and not even attempting to understand your viewpoint or what you're trying to say. Many people cannot accept being wrong or any hint of criticism, constructive or not. They just strike out, with the excuse, that's how I roll, with no attempt at understanding either their own issues or yours.
Back again,wave As to what I was saying earlier, maybe it could have been said better> as to better to embrace difference, instead of being scared of it. (hope I made sense. I , nowadays find, I enjoy chatting, and learning from people, who work in professions I m not familiar with. Its conversation, education, and getting to know people. And it works well with friendships, and relationships.
Great post! ....

Hey 1to1 - I got that out of your post - and yes, I agree and you made sense. Too true, communication works for any kind of relationship. head banger
Interval - thanks! grin
Communication is fine that is if they don't feed you stuff they think you want to hear.

I prefer truth and people shouldn't assume what they think I want to hear.

Absolutely! I don't call bs communication. It's just bs.
Very well thought out,
But maybe the real key to a happy perfect partnership.
Is blissful Ignorance and great sex.
and just as a matter of opinion I bet many more relationships last under my two simple yardstick components than the number that last under yours. conversing

Nice blog thanks for sharing LadyImp. handshake
Thanks, non! Well, I beg to differ, as I had blissful ignorance and great sex and it definitely did not last! rolling on the floor laughing
You aint doin it right laugh

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