Mastering the Perfect Partnership
What holds a relationship together? We all know that communication is the key to keeping the relationship alive - but what kind of communication? That doesn't mean talking at him or her and disregarding the other person's input. Communicating with your partner and understanding their perception of reality is the key.What a concept. How does that work? We all have our own perception of reality, and no matter how close we are to another person, it's highly unlikely that any two people will see reality in exactly the same manner. Understand your partner's perception of reality and communicate with them on that basis.
What else? To me, kindness, honesty, self-awareness and a sense of humour are some of the most attractive qualities a man can have. Those are the values that are most important to me in any relationship.
Knowing yourself, your values, your issues, and what is and is not important to you is going to assist in any disagreement and how you respond. It's not about being right or getting your own way, it's about why is there a disagreement and how can it be resolved so that both people are satisfied with the outcome?
The biggest one? Putting your ego aside. That doesn't mean to put yourself second all the time. It means realizing that a disagreement is your partner's way of letting you know their needs are not being met. The biggest assumption that partners make in a relationship is that they need to be shown love the same way that we need to be shown love.
Me? I enjoy a touch on the arm, a hug around the shoulders, a kiss on the neck, top of the head or forehead. Any little touch that lets me know my partner's aware of my presence. Birthdays and holidays, I love gifts and flowers. They don't have to be expensive, simply a token of my partner's appreciation. And yes, I want to hear those three little words.
Not everyone likes to be acknowledged in those ways. Perhaps my partner does not like PDA's and their way of receiving love is spending quality time with their partner, words of affirmation (I love you), or acts of service (eg -making your partner their favourite meal). Once you understand how your partner prefers to receive love, a deeper trust and intimacy can be formed with less chance of disagreement through miscommunication and misunderstanding.
However, honest, sincere communication entails a significant degree of trust, but also releasing the need to control either a situation or another person. We all have control issues, and it's paramount to a successful relationship to understand which ones we have, and how they are manifested.
I'd bet that almost everyone has said, well, the partner I want is going to be ......, and thus ensues a list of wants. What it comes down to, though, is what are we bringing to the table and what are we prepared to give? Personally, I love spoiling my mate, provided I feel cherished, loved and respected. That doesn't mean I want a clone of myself in any relationship, as I think it's really important that people retain their autonomy in pursuing their own interests and hobbies. Conversely, it's equally important to be able to share some interests and hobbies - balance. Some people want/need to spend all their time with their mate - and that's fine provided each person's needs are being met.
It seems almost an oxymoron to say that the key to a good relationship is self-awareness. But without being aware of our own issues, how can we possibly expect to nurture a healthy relationship with anyone else? When we become self-aware, we also can become more giving, more accepting, and more understanding of others.
Mastering a perfect partnership means mastery of being the perfect partner, from both people.
Comments (23)
You know, when I see someone say looking for a partner to complete me, you have no idea what a turn off that is for me. Heck, if you're not complete on your own, don't come near me. I don't consider myself 'half' of anything, and think more of a partnership as not making a whole, but more making it double.
If people don't feel they're complete, I'm not the person to try and fill their gaps - they have to do that.
Myself, I appreciate a new different color Ferrari or Lamborghini, as a gift on my birthday & our anniversary each year.
Hi again 1to1to1 I also believe that communication is the most important part of a relationship. Yes, listening is a huge part of communicating, and not just listening, but actually hearing and understanding what the other person has to say and has done.
That's so true about respecting that your partner has experiences that you haven't, and vice versa. What happens in many relationships is one partner loses themselves to the other, and both parties start assuming they know everything about the other person.
What I have learned over the years is that what we say and do is about us, no one else. So if one partner says 'so you mean this' (usually interrupting and not listening) and then goes off on a tangent. What they're doing is making an assumption that what's in their head is in your head - and not even attempting to understand your viewpoint or what you're trying to say. Many people cannot accept being wrong or any hint of criticism, constructive or not. They just strike out, with the excuse, that's how I roll, with no attempt at understanding either their own issues or yours.
Hey 1to1 - I got that out of your post - and yes, I agree and you made sense. Too true, communication works for any kind of relationship.
I prefer truth and people shouldn't assume what they think I want to hear.
I prefer truth and people shouldn't assume what they think I want to hear.
Absolutely! I don't call bs communication. It's just bs.
You aint doin it right
The woman should shut up and listen without necessarily taking what he says to heart. Forgiving. A solution isn't always a way of calling you a failure, a piece of advice not always a criticism.
I did write to my ex at times, in order to get across what I wanted to say without him yelling me down and walking out. However, verbally is how we usually communicate in person.
My ex used to yell, something I couldn't compete with, and then leave for hours to who knows where. Same thing as the silent treatment, as you never get to get your point across. He'd come back and absolutely would not discuss anything, acting like everything should be fine and the subject never brought up again.
I realized after many years, that we had the same fight over and over again, because the first one never got resolved. To this day, he accepts no responsibility in the breakdown of the marriage.
As someone mentioned, it's manipulation in one of it's cruelest forms. As the word 'narcissist' seems to be a favourite to label just about any behaviour these days, I don't use those labels. Many, many people are manipulative, as it's a behaviour we learn as children, without being narcissistic. Appropriate parenting doesn't let the child continue. I have often found that people that like to label are guilty of the very behaviour they're labelling others with, and why I know you're hesitant to use the term, GG.