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It was the best of times...

Wait, before I start I really need to go take a dump.

You see, I woke up constipated. Must have been the Mexican I ate last night. She was really short.
Her name is consuelo.
*crickets*

Anyway, just two minutes after logging in to the Sagging Dickbag Blog Page (way cooler name IMO), I'm ready to "log out" if you catch my drift.

BBL

i'm getting 2 boxes of stuff from my mother's vault, curated by my sister.

this will be a walk down memory lane.

ETA is 12PM - 5PM EST

more news as this story develops.

What's going to happen, if you're at the supermarket and you see salami is selling two-for-one so you get two. You've already got four grapefruits in the trolley. As the trolley goes over a bump, the salamis bounce around and settle in a crossed position. Which we all know what that means. And so hastily you try to cover up things with some zucchinis, which unfortunately sends out a message to a different crowd. And so, in exasperation, you try to cover the whole thing up behind a French loaf of bread. Please help, I'm so confused right now.

My manager really believes in me. I feel an obligation to deliver. Keep in mind, I know absolutely nothing about automobile except, they are a method to obtain freedom. I feel as if I stepped off my spaceship and integrated into the earthling environment. I am studying what engines exist and all of these technologies that are standard. oh lordy, one can be a real space cadet to drive these days. These new cars can do the thinking for you. Who cares about deer running in front. Oh, yes, in these parts, a deer can be a real threat. So this "daddy's girl" is starting from square one. I might as well be an alien. It's all news for me. All, very interesting and exciting

By my own decision. Sure, I'll get my gas shut off soon and be bathing by coffeemaker. At my age and with my experience, I couldn't step foot in that place again. It might have been due to the very overt s*xual harassment or the mean girl. I lean toward the mean girl that spread the rumor that I was being fired.

Do you know how hard it is to show up and act like everythings fine while co-workers are telling me I'm being let go at an unknown date? The two faced b*tch. And then being told about how good my a** looks while I use the copy machine. It made it so I didn't want to make copies.

So, I'm looking to get another job.

Why didn't I complain about the harassment? The man is in his 70's and needs his job. I'm more of a flight risk than a fight risk.

Is when everybody who isn't married or related by blood live together as one family. They usually wear jeans, plaid shirts with the sleeves rolled up and sandals. They raise chickens, garden and macrame plant holders, necklaces and bracelets for sale at the annual Renaissance festival.

The other morning, on the way to work, I tried to get through an intersection but it appeared there was an accident under the light and at least 10 cars couldn't get through. To avoid it, I made a right turn into the parking of a drug store that went out of business nearly 3 years ago.
There was usually trash and overgrowth of shrubs in this place and more often than not, some homeless people had taken residence in the store front covering. I noticed there were 2 police cars side-by-side and they were talking. Having seen this hundreds of times, I didn't pay any attention to them.
Before I could exit the parking lot, I heard a siren an saw red and blue lights flashing in my rear mirror. I stopped. Rolling down my window a cop came up to my car asking if I knew why I was pulled over. My response was "I have no idea." He explained I was cutting through a parking lot but my reply explained about the blocked intersection and... the drug store was not in business anymore.
While he was checking my identification, the 2nd police car pulled alongside me and a woman officer got out. She mentioned it was 'private property' and I was trespassing. I said, there were no signs stating this and she pointed to a (really small) sign pasted on the side of the building column that read: Private Property - Keep Out.
I chuckled and said maybe they should have chained the entrance with the sign or posted it in a place where the warning was visible from the street and not AFTER someone enters the property. She nodded and somewhat agreed but said they were only giving me a warning and I shouldn't cut through the lot anymore.
The other officer came back with my ID and repeated it was only a warning. They had trouble with homeless people camping out in the lot leaving garbage and the landlord called on the help of the police to get them out.

A strong cup of black coffee, a cigarette and the film Deliverance. Add a faux fur blanket and my fancy balls, bliss.

She sat in the woven chair
A nest of sorts, she sat, sorting thoughts
Her earrings dangling, casting light back to the sun
He watched her, both contemplating
She, her desire to fly
Him, his desire for her sparkle
He came closer, drawn in by threads of light
She looked up, shielding her eyes
Grand wings, lofty in flight
She became intranced, a statue in the garden
He brushed her cheek with ebony feathers
Before plucking her earring,
That is the sting of love

Once again, it is confirmed
Tears are useless
Unless you get a speck in your eye

The expelling of a salty water only
Streaks skin with makeup
On an already contorted face

If I am to cry, let me Mel Gibson
In Brave Heart
You know the scene