Comedy Blogs (1,864)

it's mid harvest time. As I look from the fourth story A/C widdow's watch roof tower, onto the verdant fields, Chardonnay in hand, viewing busy underpaid illegal immigrant farmworkers, many mere children, slaving away, most separated long ago from parents by our brilliant President Trump, my face beams with pride. All so happy to be serving the wealthy white man, knowing that the service is entirely at my pleasure, for at any moment, a call to the "Mica" will bring on the govenment goons to lock them into the back of their overcrowded dirty, stuffy lime green Chevy Suburbans, for that dreaded trip back over the rio Grande. Again in mi patria linda, no? My Spanish is good, but haven't yet found the equivalent to "Yassah Massah", for their proper address of me, but am working on it. There are various forms of rank social Darwinistic capitalism, but this example suits me just fine. Will get me a big black Victorian top hat, to wear while boot brushing the sweaty little brown beggging urchins to the sides of the road, as I walk among them. Ah, the good life, in the Donald's USA.

....TV guffaw generator. Is there a doctor carrying dementia and antipsychotic medications in the house? Free everything for our illegals and non producers, while we eat the rich. Unless one values under 2% support, looks like we are down to three examples of piss poor protoplasm. Now even on stage colleagues are publically calling the front runner, creepy Joe, on his incipient dementia. And Bernie continues to fade, hopelessly trying to foist stark socialism onto our hard working American voters. Who's left and ascendant? Superb phony, fake Indian, Granny Warren. Lies on her heritage kept deserving real Native American attorneys from geting that Ivy League academic appointment. And so much more, making even creepy Joe look like an altarboy. How fortunate that she'll face our brilliant President Trump, like a waif in the jungle. Thank Goddess for the vision of the voters.

A young boy goes to his father and says "Daddy?"
The father replies "Yes son" and the son says "Daddy, I have a question"
The father says "son, what's your question?"
The boy asks "Is Rotterdam a bad word?"
The father thinks for a second... Rotterdam, the city in Amsterdam and says... "No son, Rotterdam isn't a bad word. Why do you ask?"
The son says "Well, a cat scratched my teacher's arm..."
"and?" said the father...
"She's got a bad infection" said the son.
"and?" said the father...
"I hope it will rot-her-damn arm off!" said the son!

A man he had five children, one day, the man comes home with a bag full of cherries. The children come to him and ask ....
Kids - Dad, Dad what did you bring us?
The father, puts his hand in bags, takes out 5 cherries, and gives them one to each child, they eat .... then the father says
Dad: did you like it?
Children - yes dad
Dad - my dear children, the rest have the same taste !!!
:)) The end

How does it feel to be a bloger.......?......?.............?

No if ands or butts about it.
Sorry to drop this on you.
Butt, just don't overuse it and make an asz out of yourself.

Pretty ugly, short skyscraper, army intelligence, bad sex, funny funeral.......

I've gone with Alexa the little table top - oh heck not sure what you call it. I ask the little contraption all kinds of questions and use her as a reminder. "Alexa remind me in 4 minutes to turn off the pot or Alexa set the alarm for 6:30 am next Tuesday and a million other reminders. My house is very long so I have three Alexa's . Alexa play music (insert the genre I'm in the mood for)

I think Alexa and my TV started having an affair but she is the dominant one. The TV seems to obey her.

The electric company came out to change the meter to make the home more smart. They put a timer on the hot water heater so it turns itself on & off at the scheduled time I set. I can program the A/C or heat from my phone while away from the home. So if I'm gone all day I can turn it off and half an hour before I get home I can make the phone turn on the system so it is cool once I arrive.

Not sure what happened but Alexa and the water heater are mad and Alexa isn't talking to the water heater.

Oh Lord I've turned into a gadget queen.