Comedy Blogs (1,863)

I got up this morning thinking, there must be a way to quickly become a multi-millionaire. I just need to find the right Business Proposal. If I play my cards right, I'd be rich in just 2 weeks...
Awesome.

In the days of black & white Television, my parents owned a model that had a timer as part of the on-off switch. My guess is people who used the TV prior to sleep wouldn't have to get out of bed to turn it off or experience the 'snow' in the middle of the night when the station wasn't broadcasting a signal.
The dial went to 55 minutes maximum, but you had to turn it a little more until it clicked to keep the TV in on-only mode without the timer. A few times my father forgot to click it into on mode and it would shut off unexpectedly. Annoying, it was.
One night my mother was watching Perry Mason as many people watched religiously. For reference to anyone who isn't familiar with the series. It was a prime time weekly one-hour show that ran on CBS from 1957 to 1966. A courtroom drama about a criminal defense attorney Perry Mason... who never lost a case.
As usuall the last few minutes of the show were the most exciting and that's where the 55 minute timer would click off. Startled, my dad would run to turn the TV back on, but the time it took for the tubes to turn on and get a picture & sound, the climax of the show was over and they were playing closing credits.

"That's it" my mother shouted. The TV was moved to the bedroom and they bought a new TV... one without a 55 minute timer.

Police Share Mugshot of Canine Officer Accused of 'Stealing'



It looks like Officer Ice is in some deep doo-doo. Officer Ice has reportedly landed himself in the doghouse with the Wyandotte Police Department. The police department in Wyandotte, Michigan, recently broke the news that a canine officer by the name of Officer Ice is under investigation for committing a major crime: stealing table food.

"Stealing is not only a crime but it is morally wrong too," the department wrote in a Facebook post. "Some jobs, like that of being a police officer, require you to take an oath prior to starting. Within the officer's sworn oath is the promise to protect person's property." "That being said, it saddens me to report that a current officer of the Wyandotte Police Department is under investigation for stealing!" the post continued, alongside a photo of the German Shepherd in question posing for his mugshot.

The scene of the crime was revealed as the break room at the police station, where an Officer Barwig was eating his lunch when he was called to assist with another situation. "He quickly jumped into service, leaving half his eaten lunch on the table," according to the Facebook post. "A short while later Barwig and another officer returned to the break room only to find Ofc. Ice leisurely strolling out of the room licking his chops. Barwig's entire lunch was gone...disappeared, vanished!"

After being caught red-handed, Officer Ice has apparently "invoked his fifth amendment right to remain silent and quite frankly is not cooperating with the investigation." "He has a history of rummaging through trash cans that are within his reach," the police department noted, adding, "There have been several other accusations of him taking food right from coworker's hands as they walk by."

"WPD will consider our Facebook followers opinions on how to proceed with this investigation," the post concluded. Looks like Officer Ice screwed the pooch on that one!

EL PASO, TX — Following a long-awaited and much-publicized visit to the U.S.-Mexico border, President Joe Biden sought to reassure the American people that the nation's southern border is every bit as secure as America's elections.

"Listen, folks. There's nothing to worry about here at the southern border," Biden said to the assembled press after touring a portion of the border that had been cleared of migrants prior to his arrival. "Everything happening down here at our border with Mexico is just as safe, secure, and rock-solid as our election system. Butterscotch."

Critics had long complained about the Biden administration's lack of attention in securing the southern border, as hundreds of thousands of undocumented migrants have continued to flow into the country from Mexico. Cartel crime, human rights abuses, and ever-growing concerns about the drug trade throughout the region have run rampant with seemingly few steps taken by the government to improve security.

"Our border is as many borders are: welcoming," said Vice President Kamala Harris, Biden's chosen "Border Czar" when reached for comment. "And when someone is welcome, they are welcomed as they are, and as they will be. And have been. Welcoming is good."

Former President Donald Trump seized the opportunity to criticize Biden. "I finally agree with Sleepy Joe Biden on something," Trump said in a post to his Truth Social account. "Our borders are just as secure as our elections, which is to say NOT AT ALL. Total disgrace! Sad!"

At publishing time, Biden had already departed the border and was on his way back to Washington, D.C., where he had been promised some veggie straws and fruit snacks before his afternoon nap.

I'm doing some 2023 what if scenarios and pondered what would happen If CS suddenly closed their site... Happy? Sad? Some trauma? Indifference? Woah, what thoughts to the number of hours each week I spend here.

I suppose I could pick up where I left off on that online study course in brain surgery...

I've seen and read stories telling me I'm eating bananas the wrong way. They describe how the world does it, including monkeys. They flip the banana over, pinch the bottom and pull the peels back. Wow...
I hold the banana the way it grows, snap back the top and peel down.
When I pinch as the rest of the world (and monkeys do) I get banana under my fingernails and have to wash my hands. Breaking away the top is a clean 'no banana under my nails' approach.
I don't care how monkeys eat bananas. I'll do it my way.

There appears to be a connection between religion, COVID and the fear of 5G as they often are blogged together. That reminds me of the senior member who passed away nearly 2 years ago. Many of his blogs were on the same subjects.

He was friendly and liked by many, but for some reason, I didn't find interest in reading his blogs. I'm thinking it was that during the onset of COVID, he stated wearing masks would give you brain damage.
WHAT !! ??
I'm thinking "How so?"

Long before COVID everyone in the medical field wore masks.
It was standard protocol. Ya think?

Next time someone is going for surgery, please tell your doctor (and his surgical staff) not to wear a mask, you don't want them suffering any brain damage... especially in the operating room.

Hey... it's 2023, that could be my first PSA (Public Service Announcement) for the year!
Oh, and leave your 5G phone in your locker.
Thanks!

Blog category marked comedy as I find the subject funny.

SMILE A WHILE...AND GIVE YOUR FACE A REST.

That should really be 'flipping', not "flicking".