Comedy Blogs (1,863)

Well, some come here to CS for 'Lurv," and finding none within reach, move on to other things.

Others, however, are reliable -- like clockwork -- in their stalwart efforts to tell you what to think.

Let's not name names. That would be... impolite...

Comrade "xxxxx!,"

You are reliable Apparatchik!




Lego Figures Charged With Insurrection

You know , the thing the thing man. All men (and women) are created equal

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem”

The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and she is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant–about four months would be my guess.”

The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie”

Debbie says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”

The doctor walked over to the window and stared outside. About five minutes passed before the mother said, “Is there something wrong out there, doctor”

The doctor replied, “No, not at it. It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’m not going to miss it this time around!”

A wealthy man walked into a bar in Miami. As soon as he entered, he noticed an Afr*ican woman, sitting in one corner. He walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted, "Bartender! I'm buying drinks for everyone in this bar, except that woman over there!"
The bartender collected the money and began serving free drinks to everyone in the bar, except the Afr*ican woman. Instead of becoming upset, the woman simply looked up at the guy and shouted, "Thank you!"
This infuriated the wealthy guy. So once again, he took out his wallet and shouted, "Waiter! This time I am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that Af*rican sitting in the corner over there!"
The bartender collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to everyone in the bar except the African. When the waiter finished serving the food and drinks, the Afri*can woman simply smiled at the man and said, Thank you!"
That made him furious. So he leaned over the counter and asked the bartender, "What is wrong with that woman.. I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except for her, and instead of becoming angry, she just sits there, smiles at me and shouts 'Thank you.' Is she mad"
The bartender smiled at the wealthy man and said, "No, she is not mad. She is the OWNER of this establishment."

More humour for us because we all need that right now...
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.'
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep" the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, "So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars" the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on Earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard."

Image address -


KENOSHA, WI—Moments before reading the verdict, the twelve jurors in the trial of Kyle Rittenhouse asked if the defendant would please step outside and defend the courthouse.

“We, the jury will perform our constitutional duty and declare the verdict in this case,” said one sweating juror, “But we, the jury also don’t want to die.”

“Objection, your honor, Rittenhouse does not possess an AR-15 to defend the courthouse; I have the AR-15,” said the prosecutor, swinging the weapon wildly about as onlookers nervously ducked behind benches. “Besides, protestors are heroes, people of upstanding character, and victims.”

Judge Schroeder ruled the prosecutor a doofus and allowed Rittenhouse to disarm the blubbering liar, load his weapon, and position himself defensively on the steps of the courthouse while the verdict was read.

Witnesses claim even the prosecution team was relieved to know Kyle Rittenhouse was out there protecting them.

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00.
Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of pro*stitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
"New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,
"Hi Keith."......
::laugh: ...