Comedy Blogs (1,863)

Early morning husband woke up and ask his wife: "Would you like to join me for jogging?"

Wife: "Ohh. So you mean to say I am fat?"

Hubby: "No. Jogging is good for health."

Wife: "Oh.. that means I am sick."

Hubby: "No No. If you don't want to get up, then it's OK."

Wife: "So now you think I am lazy, ha?"

Hubby: "NO. You are misunderstanding me. I didn't mean..."

Wife: "Aha! So I don't understand you because I'm an illiterate, right?"

Hubby: "Now look I didn't say that."

Wife: "So am I lying? "

Hubby: I beg you plz don't stretch it in the morning."

Wife: "Oh, now so I am a quarrelsome nag, am I?

HUBBY: "OK OK.. You go off to sleep. I am going jogging alone.. Happy Now??"

Wife: "You always go alone everywhere and enjoy yourself."

Hubby: "Plz Plz.. I am feeling giddy now.."

Wife: "See? You are so selfish. Always think of yourself alone. You never think of my health."

Husband is sitting and thinking where he went wrong!!!
(Never argue with a woman, you’ll never get it right or win )
. .....I think
he should have....laughed...and said..... whatever you think, I'll go by myself and who knows who I'll meet....
That would have made her jump
Out of bed....

Royal Marines make mockery of US troops just DAYS into training exercise.

Where's Bohemund when you need him

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live? ”The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.” The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”
(we are always smart)

A man finds a wallet with $7000 in it.

A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $500 reward to anyone who returns it.

He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet, and the rich man counts the money and says, “I see you have already taken your reward.” The poor man responds,

“What are you talking about?” The wealthy man continues, “This wallet had $7500 in it when I lost it.”

The poor man replied “I am sorry sir but when I found it up it only had $7,000”

The two men began arguing, and eventually they end up in court to sort out their differences. Both men present their case, the poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying,

“Your Honor, I trust you believe me.”

The Judge says, “Of course.” The rich man smiles, and the poor man is devastated.

Then the Judge takes the wallet out of the wealthy man’s hands and gives it to the poor man who found it.

“What are you doing?” the rich man yells angrily. The Judge responds,

“You are, of course, an honest man, and if you say that your missing wallet had $7500 in it, I’m sure it did – but if the man who found this wallet is a liar and a thief, he wouldn’t have returned it at all, which means that this wallet must belong to somebody else. If that man steps forward, he’ll get the money – otherwise, it stays with the man who found it.”

“What about my money?” the rich man asks.
“Well, we’ll just have to wait until somebody finds your wallet with the $7500 in it.

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute,
then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.


So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: 'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.

'And what about the men?' the minister asked.

They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.

One day, the police raided a whole group of pro*stitutes at a se*x party in a hotel and Lulu was among them:
The police took them outside and had all the pro*stitutes lined up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu"s grandma came by and saw her grandaughter.
Grandma asked. "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that"s awfully nice of them. I think I"ll get some for myself." And she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the pro*stitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed. "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma Replied. "I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry!"..............
And ....
Then the officer fainted!

Yesterday from The New Yorker;



While certainly a tool of Putin, there's little doubt, that he is criminally insane.
So, that really might be his best defense. Perhaps the attorneys have already discussed
this plea option with him.

Are you not woke enough? Don’t worry, we got you covered. Follow these easy steps to become more woke… or else.

I am just curious. Please stand up and be counted for.