Comedy Blogs (1,863)

Haaretz | U.S. News
Netanyahu Defends Trump: 'He's Not Antisemitic, He Has Jewish Family'
In an interview with MSNBC, Netanyahu explains that the former president simply feels unappreciated by American Jews for his unprecedented support for Israel


Netanyahoo Tuesday defended former U.S. President Donald Trump days after he threatened American Jews in comments roundly condemned as antisemitic.

Promoting his new book on MSNBC, Netanyahu rejected allegations that Trump’s comments prove he is antisemitic. “He has a Jewish son-in-law and his daughter converted to Judaism. His children and grandchildren are raised as Jews. So I don't think so.”

The former president has used his daughter’s Jewish family as a push-back against antisemitism allegations, all while alienating the vast majority of American Jews by empowering extremism and white supremacy

TRUMP HAS A NEW AKA! RABBI LYNCH UM

School board candidate facing furious backlash after photo reveals his 'Where is Nancy?' costume


I will vote for this guy

Wondering why people actually still vote for Democrats? Believe it or not, there are still Democrat voters out there and we've compiled their top reasons for doing so!

1. They're dead: Hard to object to candidates like Joe Biden when you are no longer alive!
2. They're Drag Queens worried about losing their God-given right to dance in underwear in front of kids: It's in The Constitution.
3. Because Bono said that's what good people do: Listening to U2 was their first mistake.
4. Still holding out for one of those free Obama phones: An iPhone 6! NICE!
5. To convince others that they aren't Christian Nationalists: They're one of the "good" Christians.
6. They live in Chicago and a stray bullet punched right through the "D" side of the ballot: It happens far too often.
7. Their covid booster made them do it: Once the signal gets sent out, they have no other choice.
8. They think elections are like golf and the lowest score wins: Elections are not, in fact like golf where the lowest amount wins.
9. Their mail-in ballot was already filled out in permanent marker: Now that's strange! Mail-in voting is the most secure kind of voting!
10. Government spending and taxes make them feel all warm and fuzzy inside: As if we know how to spend our own money. The government knows best!

Soon it will be Halloween. And you may be caught by the ghosts and ghouls. Have you ever been caught by the ghoulies? It can be painful.

A couple had been wanting to have a child for so long, and was so desperate that they consulted a Shaman hoping that he could solve their problem.

The Shaman said that they would have their first child next year, with a condition that it is accompanied by a curse, that the very first name or the person that the child would utter will immediately die.

Thinking that it is their only chance, the couple agreed. And soon enough, the woman got pregnant and gave birth to a healthy child.

Few months had passed, and remembering the curse that the Shaman had told them, the couple waited nervously for the child to utter his first word.

Then one early morning, the couple was startled to hear the child saying “DA-DA…DAD-DAH”….. and the Man, trembling and sweating profusely, just closed his eyes and awaits for his final breath to stop…but after a few minutes, nothing happened and he is still alive..

So he embraces his wife in joy, and both of them laugh happily that the curse is not true and did not happened.

Then suddenly they heard a commotion nearby and their neighbor’s wife was crying hard shouting “WE WERE JUST HAVING BREAKFAST WHEN MY HUSBAND SUDDENLY FELL AND DIED”…

Hence the saying love thy neighbor but, don't get caught!!

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stirring call for unity and peace in America, President Biden today called for killing off half the country.

"It's real simple, folks! " said President Biden. "America can be united if we can just murder everyone who disagrees with me. Peace in our time, Jack!"

While most Democrats agreed with Biden's understatedly brilliant plan, some expressed concern that he was getting ahead of himself. "We've only just recently introduced the idea that anyone who disagrees with us is a dangerous extremist who deserves to die," said DNC Chair Jaime Harrison. "You've got to give that a little more time to marinate before we really start taking them out."

Republicans argued that telling people you disagree with to die isn't really unity, but to no avail. "Hey, I tried asking nicely for you to stop disagreeing with me," said Biden. "But you Republicans are making unity impossible by insisting on saying I'm wrong. So we've got to do what any good democracy does - kill all of you."

At publishing time, Biden accused Republicans of violence after they reportedly started buying guns to defend themselves from extermination.

I thought I'd take a break from political topics and post something I find hilariously funny. It isn't often someone who is so creative that despite being impeached twice, lost a reelection, takes top level classified documents home and ignores NARA's request to get them, now facing criminal charges for his actions, possibly being implicated as the instigator in the January 6th insurrection... comes up with a TOTALLY original plan:

In the news today, he's asking for a new election immediately or make him the rightful president now.

I'm thinking about writing a book for liberals to understand words spoken by Conservatives.
It will be sort of a political dictionary and the title will be:
"I speak Connese, do you?"

Examples of the first edition will include words like:

farce b i = FBI
libs = liberals (the derogatory name for democrats)
demonrats = democrats
'crats = democrats
obozo = Obama
obismal = Obama
Hussein = Obama's middle name used in an attempt to annoy libs (liberals, see above)
o'biden = Biden