Comedy Blogs (1,863)

Effective immediately, all bloggers and commenters have to show proof they are fully vaccinated.

In other news it was revealed that vaccines killed the dinosaurs and that
Pepe LePew was a feline molester.

Video not for the squeemish

her marriage and sex life became monotonous and boring. So... she joined CS.
She seeks a man who knows what he wants, leaves nothing to chance and knows how to deal with women.
Age group: 18-99

Well well well !!!

Since I recall my memories , started to understand little by little about this mysterious "Civilised Human's" world , I was/am/will be always familiar with the terms "Left" and "Right" !!!

But that's not the point ...
The point of confusion here is ,
What is actually "Right" !?
AND
What is actually "Left" !?

I have witnessed so far , on Real world or on Virtual world , everywhere always people brings this two terms into everything and anything and actually they very much enjoy getting into arguments over this two !!

The common generalise idea about these two terms among most of us common people is ,
THAT
Those , Who usually like to Follow Something/Someone Blindly for ages without questioning about logical explanation ,
Those , Who are Afraid to Think Out Of The Box ,
Those , Who tend to be Comfortable to Go With The Flow ,
ARE the "Right"...

And
Those , Who like to be Open minded and Curious ,
Those , Who are Ready to Explore and Accept New Ideas ,
Those , Who are eager to Find Facts based upon Neutral Logical Explanations and Evidences ,
ARE the "Left"...

But now it seems that , what it seems may not be actually what it seems !!

I mean ,
Has anyone ever thought
THAT
What we were considering as "Right" , may be NOT that "RIGHT" after all !!??
And
What we were considering as "Left" , may NEVER been "LEFT" at all !!??


Should we need to refresh our thinking process and re-evaluate everything
THAT ,

There is NOTHING exists as "Right" or "Left" !!!
May be it's just some clever tricks playing by the control freaks , Who actually just want to take advantage of US , THE COMMON PEOPLE , for their own personal benefits , by dividing us between this "LeftRight" parade troops !!???

NOW I wonder , If I need to focus on using both my Right and Left hands equally efficient , just like my both feet usually do !!!

So !!!

ATTENTION !!!
PARADE !!
LET'S START AGAIN....

"LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT" !!!.....!!! "RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT" !!!.....!!!

This weekend I went to a bar with a female friend to shoot some pool.
We overheard the following conversation from a guy sitting at the bar,
who used his cellphone to make a call.

"Hi. I just wanted to call and tell you, that I am thinking about you.
You have really brought joy to my life.
Without you, life would be so much worse. I know. I know.
But, I just wanted to say thank you and let you know that I appreciate all you do anyway."

The gal I was with turned to me and said, "Isn't that sweet !?"

I suppose it was somewhat...... even though he was calling the brewery.

Texas Democratic lawmakers have left Texas and flew to Washington D.C. so they can't vote on a bill regarding voting restrictions. Other states are now calling Texas for advise on how they too can get Democrats to leave.

Does this smell like...............................................
...................................
............................
................ chloroform to you ?

I say to myself as I cripple to the cupboard to get some Advil and a glass of water

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Today from The New Yorker;

Several years ago, there was a best selling book,
'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

This book was supposed to become an aid for women and men to better understand each other.
The idea, was that communication and thinking were so different between men and women,
that it was like we were from different distant planets. I suppose it did help some people communicate better, if they were patient enough to actually read and understand the psychology.

It was written by Dr. John Gray....... not to be confused with the 50 shades of Gray guy.

However, I have written a more practical guide for the masses, which is simpler and much shorter
emphasizing creative evasive activity.

The booklet is called.....

'Several days a month women are from Crazytown and we men will be at the bar'.

This useful guide teaches several critical phrases like,

"I left chocolate and Midol on the table. I'll be back after my meeting."

and

"I just noticed, that we are out of sandpaper.
You want me to pick up anything from the hardware store for you, while I'm there all afternoon" ?

or

"Time flies. It seems like just last month, when I rotated the tires. They need it already."

The guide also offers tips on what NOT to say. This chapter may be even more important that the one
on what to say.

For instance, avoid phrases like....." What the hell is wrong with you ?" or "Oh geez, is it THAT time of month." They can be HUGE argument starters.

The booklet also teaches you to dodge. For instance, any questions about some other girl being pretty or her being fat, must be dodged. The answers are ALWAYS....... "nowhere near as pretty as you".... and "you look lovely in all your outfits. In fact, its hard for me to choose a favorite. Say, have you tried the chocolate I brought you ?"

The key is to say these things just before briskly walking out the door.
Your happiness may depend upon it.

I'd tell you more, but I have an important meeting.