smoky Forum Posts (9,412)

RE: WHAT'S YOUR RELATIONSHIP WEIGHT?

Just keep your eye on this thread.... cause the EXPERT will be putting in some of her vast experience on this subject... and its something EVERY PERSON should know, and do, and its not painful, and you dont have to starve...... she just doesnt have the time at this moment... this is serious stuff and she doesnt want to have any confusion over it.

Its just that the ice-berg she has been stranded on, as you all should by this time know about, is getting realy small, and no cruise ships have passed yet, and the pc batteries could be running out pretty soon, but she holds out hope of being rescued, and if she is, she will tell you all about keeping in trim shape and condition. Even a Russian fishing trawler would be okay if it arrived in time... its just that she hates Vodka, and the way they dance, and was realy hoping to be rescued by a cruise ship, preferably one of those going via Hawaai.

If you take note, you will feel the desperation of Smoky at this point.... she is writing in the third person! And that is a dangerous situation to be in. Dont any of you own at least a helicopter? You could just zip in and airlift her, wouldnt take you too long. Then, just ever so slightly further on, you could just drop her off in Hawaai.

RE: its quiz time

Sorry Wedward... forgot to say "said Smoky, the all-knowing WiseWoman who knows everything about everything"... just in case you forgotten how wise I truly am.

RE: its quiz time

umbrella ?

RE: life

Hey, I just proved something! Give up, yes, give up... and then when you've given up.... things start happening. Not give up in a hopeless way, but give up in a positive way.... accept where you at, become content with where you are and what you doing and make the best of it. It does seem to work. And now I tell you my why.
Today... I had coffee with a nice man (met thru a date site).
Tomorrow... I got a companion for a dinner party . A local yokel who just caught a wake-up that this stunning female lives in the village!
The next day (Sunday) I got an invite to a concert! from todays coffee date.....
Just thought I'd share my news with you all.... there is life out there, and it does happen.
Now the realy big work starts....... WHAT DO I WEAR? Havent had that dilemma for a long time.... glad its back.

RE: ? how many people on this site are genuine and the place they come from genuine??

I just love it when men call me AWFUL. Such a nice word... describes me perfectly. Another word I like is WICKED, often used. But AWFUL is more accurate. My brother like to call me CRAZY, but then I was young. Now I am more mature, so AWFUL is better. I am not quick though... No no, I am the Sloth... I lie around. The only feasable reason I can see for doing any work at all is to make time to do lots of nothing. Nothing is very important in my life. When there is nothing to do, then I can be lazy, and being lazy is like being rich.... "lie around like the idle rich"... isnt that a nice occupation?

GNOMES

FUNOLDIE !!!! EXACTLY, thank you for saying that.... I would have used that description, except I am a lady, and so I dont use words like that, I leave it to you all. And I love the way Wedy is all hung up with exactly, exactly mind you, the poor little Gnomes do their No1`s and No2`s at the SAME time.... you can see he`s an experienced parent huh? Used to wiping up messes. Cant he get the point that Gnomes are not people? Does he expect everything to be like people? Shame, he is very confused, that man. I wish there was something we could do to help him. Maybe its all that dashing thru the snow up there in Austria, and digging into the avalanches and dragging out tourists, and re-suscitating them with his brandy he carries around his neck, maybe all that activity is getting too much for him, he should slow down a bit. Or maybe we could all try and find him one of those dogs they usually use, those huge big hairy dogs that also carry a barrel of brandy round their necks? A St Bernard I think it is? Maybe that would be the solution.

RE: Five Letters, One Sentence Game

MDUAL

Mother Does Unusual Alterations Lately

EVICT...........?

RE: BOOKS !!!

Very intelligent question that.... I only read English, so yes, its in English. The dump is the only place to find Engish books here in CH. But its not a dump, like any dump Ive ever seen. Books are lined up on shelves, under a roof, and you can stroll along and just take whatever books you like. There is no order to the books, you just bring along your old ones, and find space on the shelves. Its like a free shop.

GNOMES

Once again, on this Forum, I have the grace to Bow to Superior Knowledge. And on that dignified note, I leave you all to your petty squabling. I shall no longer begin Threads, because you dont deserve them, you can invent your own. And now the batteries are running low for my PC out here on my Ice-berg in the North Sea, and being on my way to Hawaai, the current is getting warmer, and the berg is still melting, so 10 to 1 I wont even be around much longer. But do you see me pleading and asking for any help from any of you guys sitting there in your comfortable warm homes, with lots of food, and electric power for your PC`s? No. I suffer silently out here, and wait for the end to come, when I will sink below the waves, and you will all miss me. Unless of course a cruise ship passes and picks me up before its too late. Thanks for the fun guys, just in case no cruise ship arrives in time, it was fun knowing you all.

RE: the person you admire most

It was 28yrs Nelson spent on Robben Island.

RE: The day of the great pumpkin!

Now you`ve heart my feelings When I`m doing my best to bring laughter and happiness into everyones life. The discussion was about Haloween... and you digressed it into one of your little romantic interludes that we all had to watch, growing from soupy recipe exchanges for pumpkin soup, and toasting each other with virtual emoticons, and offering virtual travel which you never get around to doing, always just teasing the girls while they drool over your Clint Eastwood look-alike photo you got posted, and I just thought a little ploughing was neccessary, to cover up the embarassment we were all going thru, watching your virtual flirting out in the open... and get on with the subject in hand... which is HALOWEEN.. THE DAY OF THE GREAT PUMPKIN..... not what recipe to cook with, what cocktail goes with pumpkin, etc etc. Now please tell us... we dying to know, how much do you weigh? Honestly. You seem to cook everything you can get your hands on.... do you eat it all too?

RE: its quiz time

1912... sorry for the flippancy. Now you just got to tell all of us EXACTLY why it has meaning for you? We all your friends now, and we like to know all these things about each other. We have bonded, bound together, closer than brothers and sisters, we like one huge orphonage.

RE: its quiz time

MIFIDODITE IS THE WOMAN`S WINNER ... of the non-two weeks on my ex-yacht! Thank you for your entry. Mutt is little dog, or big dog, or just a dog. Usually of indeterminate breed... but still a dog.

See how quick us women are? Bet that 1918 soccer team is going to be around for ages...? or whatever year it was.

RE: FOR LADIES!!!

See what I mean about the sensitive delicate ego?

We, us women, get told our bums are fat, our tummies are not perfect after breeding a set of quads, our bosoms are beginning to resemble deflated football bladders from feeding said set of quads, and we dont get upset, we just smile, and make an appointment with our friendly local plastic surgeon, go in, have our surgery, and come out smiling, and waiting for compliments. If we dont get them, we return, have more surgery, until eventually we look like Pamela Anderson, and then you all go goo-goo, like you did when you were in your prams. Oh! it must be something we do wrong with you all when you were babies, and you never out-grew it? This is the problem with mother-hood, our poor kids get in-experienced parents who practice on them? The food thing too can be a problem...not getting the perfectly done steak, with the correct dressing on the salad, the correct side-dishes, etc. Or Bolognaise when you been expecting fried fish and chips.... thats the womans fault, cause all women do the breeding, and most of the up-bringing, and she usually hovers, enquiring exactly what baby wants to eat, and then he grows up and .......... Oh hell, am I sounding harsh here? Sorry, its just that the grand-kid (as in next up and coming generation, not Grand as in most spectacular) has just screwed up his face at the Tuna salad cause he was expecting Peanut butter sandwich. I going to go sit in the sun and try and recover my equilibrium, before I get into more trouble here, upsetting MEN. I love men.. my Dad was a man, my brother was a man, all my lovers have been men, even my ex-husbands were men.... now they all either dead or gone! Is it ME? Well, at least Im very much still alive and here... and having FUN! The bottom line,huh?

RE: its quiz time

Funoldie... thats a Guy question!

Here`s an easy one for the girls..... Who carries their little mutt in their handbag, all the time, especially when the paparazzi are around? No prizes. I lost the yacht, otherwise the winner would have been invited for 2 weeks of free food.

GNOMES

WOTS "H" ? Dont worry about being rude.....

RE: BOOKS !!!

CARL GUSTAV JUNG... the Great Swiss Psychiatrist and Scholar. I used to think he was a Chinese, until I found this book at the local dump.... what a clever and insightful man.... and he is Swiss.

RE: Can you name a word which uses the same vowel 5 times to spell it?

PRINCESS !!! You`re back! Sorry I didnt recognise you.... your question was just so normal. Sorry. What happened huh? What made you change? I not being personal, just nosey.

RE: Can you name a word which uses the same vowel 5 times to spell it?

I can only come up with this....

M I S S I S S I P P I.... sorry, thats only 4

RE: welcome to wedwards forum

He misses me! He Misses Me! HE MISSES ME!!!!!! He is SO worried when I been gone a few minutes! He is desperately in love with me, he cant do without me. Geez, Wedy, I just went to change over a load of washing! & hang up the last load! For goodness sake, Man, have some patience here!

He is beginning to endear himself to me... and that can only lead to big trouble. I could never live with Wedward, never! He is an artist, and I am an artist. He is a sculpturer, and I am a sculpturer (except I make things like weird birds and witches out of recycled junk, things he wouldnt class as sculpture... He does classy stuff, or so he thinks anyway). He writes, and I write. He bakes cakes and things like that, and I collect feathers. He cant spell or type, and I can. He thinks he knows everything, and I KNOW that I know everything. He is flippant, and I am serious. And he lives in the Alps in Austria, where he spends his spare time rescuing avalanche victims and resuscitating them from his brandy barrel that hangs around his neck. And I live in the Alps here, and my brandy barrel cant be hung around his neck cause its huge. When its empty, one day, I promised the grand-kids they can use it for a play-house... if I dont decide to have it re-filled, cause Ive found its more economical to buy brandy by the tanker than those little individual bottles that cost the earth, and you gotta waste your time taking the bottles to be re-cycled... this way I simply turn the tap on... and its useful for when we have parties, cause we never run out of brandy. Or Wine, or Beer. We got 3 of these barrels out back. So between my 3 REALY HUGE BARRELS, and Wedy`s teeny little one hanging round his neck, he`s gonna get irritated when all my friends arrive all the time to re-fill their bottles, and I gonna get irritated all the time when Wedy takes it for granted he can just tap off some brandy, just because he`s run out when all the shops are closed, and he has a new avalanche to see to.

So you see, in the long run, its just not meant to be. Sad. But the sensible thing here. Im sure after my explanation you can all appreciate that, huh? Plus I got a sneaky suspicion that Wedy is VERY VERY FAT, and not like the Clint Eastwood look-alike in his posted photo... cause he is always baking and cooking and seems to know a bit too much about food. And I am vegetarian, so there is another wedge between us. I could never take all those cooking smells. Sorry Wedy.

RE: why does my heart feel so bad

Ah now we have a different question... The Soul is feeling bad. How you know its your soul? Now you need the Shaman, the man or woman who deals with Souls. The bad news is that they mostly are all dead now, now you got to go to the Priest, the guy who got rid of the Shaman, cause Priest thought he knew better about Souls than the Shaman. And here you have to probably first "join" that Priests club, pay your dues, which is about ten percent of what you earn, and he will then quote passages out the Bible to you, that are supposed to make sense to you, and you supposed to then go away feeling like everything is cured. The Shaman used to be better at this ... he at least made a lot of noise, shook things, made puffs of smoke come out the fire, rattled things, and then spoke in riddles, so you could interpret how you liked, and your sub-conscience, that part of you that actually knows what is the problem and its solution, would then inform the conscious part of you and all would be well.
But, lacking a local friendly Shaman, as the Holder of All Knowledge in this part of the World, I may be able to give you some simple humble advice here. Simply take off all yours clothes, at the time of the Full Moon, and go stand on the grass outside, gaze at the moon, and think deeply. If its too cold, wrap a blanket around yourself, and continue to think. Eventually you will receive the answer.... and then go to sleep (in your bed of course, not outside)and sleep like the wind blowing, and the next morning you will feel one hundred percent better.

RE: its quiz time

Hey ek sè (thats SA Afrikaans speak) cant we stick to English here? How can we answer questions that in another language? Like I will then have to ask you all questions in IsiZulu, or Pondo, or Tswana? And then you wont have a clue what I asking, so how can you all speak other languages. Our common language here is English. This is not another Tower of Babel, turned into foreigners and banished to other kingdoms.

RE: FOR LADIES!!!

WOW for Charlezah! Yes, its a shame they taught to never cry. My wise friend I used to have told me that tears are the body getting rid of emotional toxins. So if guys/boys/men are taught not to cry, maybe thats why they the ones mainly having all the heart-attacks?

And men are lovely beings, very simple, but lovely all the same. They are sort of simple.... if you know how to handle them. The confusion comes in when we treat them equal, like expecting them to stick to a subject until the discussion is finalised, and never throwing more than one question at them at a time, or giving them a meal that they not expecting because they thought you were cooking something else, and now they all disappointed to find the wrong food on their plate... thats like a major disaster in their lives. So if we just remember to treat them to only one question or task at a time, they can be okay.

GNOMES

Oh Honestly, you guys are just so dumb... Diplomas, Degrees, Qualifications, etc etc. but this is real life we talking about here!

No.1 and No.2 come out of different places, dont you know that? We talking about the Penii of Gnomes, for goodness sakes! And you guys are getting all confused? They just sit down for the one, and stand for the other.... just like all you guys do. At least they dont pee on their shoes!

RE: Some religions try to control how people think and act.

God`s going to get you! Oh yes He is. And He has nothing whatsoever to do with religion. Religions are invented by people, not God. Thats why we brush our teeth "religiously", kids go to school "religiously", ..... So Cybahippy, you are right, here!

But,now, give this a thought.... what is the Bible? Its the instruction manual for behaving how God wants us to behave, and the Chruches use it in the ways that suit themself, a little twist here, a bit of warp there.... whatever. So, like good people everywhere, we are supposed to read it for OURSELVES.. because its called The Living Word of God, and what you read, sort of speaks to you at that moment in your life.... its a Guide Book for Life. Churches tried their best to keep it away from ordinary folk for a long time. Then they burnt those who insisted on doing their own thing, and those who refused to acknowledge the almighty church. So dont go confusing God with Religion... He hates it too!

As for interesting stories. They are not interesting stories.. they are instructions. Like the Good Samaritan, its not a "story" to tell, its telling us something... and because I realy like that story, Im going to tell you about it:
This guy was attacked and left bleeding on the side of the road. Along came a Priest, and he crossed over to the other side to pass by. Then along came a Pharasee, one of the religious elite, and he too crossed over to the other side and went on his way.
Then along came this Samaritan, the lowest caste of those days, a person who was not allowed to enter a church even, and he stopped, used his wine to wash the injured guys wounds, loaded him onto his mule, and took him to the next town, took him to an Inn, asked the Inn-keeper to take care of the guy, gave the Inn-keeper money for his keep, and said he would return on his way home, and see if he owed any further money for the injured guys keep.
THAT IS HOW WE SUPPOSED TO BEHAVE. To care for each other, irrespective of our circumstances. And this is what we supposed to be teaching our children.. Not the whoo-haah boring religion.

RE: why does my heart feel so bad

And I bow to your superior knowledge, oh Master of the Forum

GNOMES

OH I AM SO GLAD YOU DONT KNOW THIS ONE!!!!!!!

RE: alone in the airport

Ohhhh! I forgot one snippet of interest here in my travel agenda..... maybe someone out there will appreciate it.

Once, I had a trip with a short stop at Dubai .... so I`m sitting in this miniscule smoking room, dressed like a dirty hippy, where the air-con is not working, rolling a joint (hand-made cigarette.. more healthy than ready rolled bought ones full of dried sugar and things), and decided to clear my stuffed-up nose with a sniff of menthol snuff. So I carefully, after rolling the joint, tap out the snuff on my hand in that area where you tap out snuff... between your thumb and first finger....take a sniff up each nostril... and raise my eyes... to see a queu of people watching me..... I just knew what they were thinking.... "She`s sniffing Cocaine", some of them shook their heads at me. But at least no-one called the Arab cops.

RE: H A P P Y- what makes you smile

Oh nothing much.... just my normal usual simply stunning stylish talented self. This happens to me all the time... these young guys keep falling in love with me and the old guys keep ignoring me..... they like the young chicks, like you! How we gonna get this right? I cant afford to be seen with eyes undimmed by age..... I look absolutely stunning in the moonlight, but I gotta come out during the day too, sometimes. I may be a witch, but I not a vampire!

RE: The day of the great pumpkin!

Oh yes, thats why I love this country so much. They dont try and combine christianity with paganism! Pagan is pagan, long traditions passed down thru the ages... and used to mark each season.... And God hasnt struck them all dead yet, in fact I do believe he enjoys watching his subjects having so much fun! What some people ascribe to paganism is simply mis-understood observations of mysterious rites passed down thru the generations. Like witches are supposed to be evil... only because there are no more witches around... the traditional Wisewoman of the village, because she was nosed out and burnt at the stake a while ago, along with all the herbalists.... so we can all go to the corner chemist and buy drugs to heal ourselves with now. Back to Haloween.... its pumpkin time! You ever seen so many pumpkins lying in the fields? as here in CH? Everywhere you look there are pumpkins.... huge bright orange ones. And with so many pumpkins around, some get hollowed out, faces cut in them, lit with candles, and decorate the door-steps.... to signal to all the little ghouls prowling the streets that they may knock on that door and expect a handout of sweets, fruit, and nuts. And the kids come home elated with their bags of goodies begged off the village folk...and stuff their faces for the next 2 days. Its like the Day of the Dead (in Mexico or somewhere?) no-one picks on them, they left in peace to cavort around in their skeleton masks. The kids here in CH cavort around on that day in their witch and ghoul outfits, and everyone decorates their houses with witches, pumpkins, dry gourds, all very artistic and beautiful.
At the risk of boring you, I must tell you how I accompanied the little ones last year, to keep an eye on them, and stood in the distance while they knocked on doors, and then screamed at the occupants, in SwissGerman "BLOOD OR CURSES?!!!" One old guy spent time talking to them, and they told me he had told them to come back the next day, without their "clothes" (meaning costumes obviously) and he would give them sweets. Turning around, I found myself looking at the sign for that house.. "Evangelical Brotherhood of Christian something-or-other". The next day the kids told me they not going back to "that" house naked, just to get sweets, and looked disgusted at that mans suggestion.