At the tender age of 13, my daughter announced she preferred boys who were raised just by there mothers. She said you could have a conversation with them.
She found all the male posturing and assumption of superiority of the other boys profoundly irritating and wearisome.
I wonder if that will teach them a thing, or two about conflict (she says desperately trying to get back on topic...)
It may teach them to take time out when they're getting nowhere, or to find another way of doing things. It may teach them about setting boundaries, like agreeing to talk for half an hour, going and doing something together and then coming back to communicating.
PS. I've just remembered being told in a two hour psychology lecture that adults can only be fully attentive for twenty at a time. We asked for a 10 minute break as we were used to getting with other lecturers half way through the session and we were refused.
I have heard of a scheme in a private school where once, or twice a day any teacher could ring a bell and the whole school would file out and run round the sports courts once before returning to class. Re-oxygenating the brain, endorphins, reducing stress/tension...movement is an important part of increasing learning capacity.
A secondary school local to me has historically been focussed upon finances and academia. The better the kids do, the more money the school gets, apparently including a big bonus for each student who gains entrance to Oxford University.
It resulted in a dynamic where students were serving the needs of the school, rather than the teachers being service providers to the students. The pressure was immense, the environment bullish and unhealthy.
It got to the point where there were so many attempted and tragically successful suicides, self-harming, etc., the school had to introduce measures to attend to the well-being of it's students in order not to lose reputation, students and funding.
Things went way to far before intervention was introduced. I guess that's the way it's always been in society. One day, maybe people will start to cotton on to the next stage of 'looking after people makes more money' as happened post-industrial revolution with basic workplace ergonomics. Yanno, if people aren't starving and exhausted they're more productive; if there's optimum lighting people can see what their doing and they're more productive; if people have life and limb intact, they're more productive.
People get together for many reasons and not everyone (in fact very few) are self-aware, particularly in their youth. And then babies come along.
Rather than blame people, particularly for past events, wouldn't it be better to focus on now? Personally, I think emotional education right from the early years of school would be a good idea. We do physical education; isn't it about time we caught up with educating our children to become well-rounded, balanced human beings in their own right?
That's very honourable and brave of you to say so, Riz.
Personally, I think many people simply don't have the skills to manage relationships. That was certainly the case with my daughter's father and I. I too can now see how I could have done things differently, but I didn't at the time. Not that it would have made much difference - I don't think I'll ever have the skills to manage a relationship with someone who isn't ready to address their self-medication.
Balance, or emotional well-being is to do with behaviour, regardless of how many people belong to the family.
There's no way a family will be balanced and emotionally healthy if one parent is abusive, or abuses substances, for example. One parent can't negotiate those things and make everything better, unless the other is willing...and how often does that sort of situation change healthily in front of the kids?
In some situations the message we should be sending is 'get the children out of there'. To try and emotionally manipulate a situation where people feel obliged to stay committed for the sake of marriage vows, or for the sake of the children, or for any other reason is dangerous and naïve.
It's not just about distinguishing right from wrong, it's also about so many people living in abject poverty because of the societal structure we have.
I find it difficult to criticise someone pinching a block of cheese from a ridiculously profitable supermarket to feed their children.
Whilst it becomes much more upsetting if personal items are stolen from individuals, I doubt the thieves have a good life.
I was on the train home one day after visiting a friend when I noticed an unfamiliar object in the bottom of the baby buggy. It turns out my then three year old granddaughter had taken a fancy to my friend's blood pressure monitor and had secreted it there when no one was looking.
I think your idea is a fabulous one. There wouldn't be a child over the age of two with enough fingers to nick anything.
jac_the_gripper Forum Posts (5,363)
RE: can childhood difficulty's affect adult life?
Yes.