Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

A priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he suddenly realizes the one thing he hadn't taught them was English.
So he takes the chief for a walk. He points to a tree and says
"This is a tree."The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree"
The priest is pleased and points to a rock and says, "This is a rock.
"Hearing this the chief then grunts "Rock"
The priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.
As they peak over the top he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy s*xual activity.
The priest is really flusters and says, "Man riding bike"
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and nice to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood this way?
The chief looks at the priest and replies, "My bike."

most people on here will still be single when they take their last breath..



stop moaning..

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Lots of birthday wishes and hugs from over here...




and here's my special present for you...

Beer


Not To Be Taken Lightly.

Now, as if everything else wasn’t bad enough, we find out that beer isn’t good for us? Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that Beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 large drafts of beer within a one (1) hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:

1) Argued - over nothing.
2) Refused - to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained - weight.
4) Talked - excessively without making sense.
5) Became - overly emotional
6) Couldn't - drive.
7) Failed - to think rationally, and
8) Had - to sit down while urinating. No further testing was considered necessary!!

Been busy packing stuffs these passed days...finally moved to a new apartment last night, had to sleep in a small mattress on the floor surrounded by boxes and bags last night...the move to the new place took 2 exhausting days, yesterday and today.. just glad it's done and over with and I beat Redex...I was able to move first

Too tired to feel sad and to miss my old apartment ...I'm exhausted and the more I thought about unpacking, cleaning and organizing the more exhausted I am Can't do anything about it now, will sleep in the sofa later...trying to feel good here on blogs for now

Anyone still awake?

The hospital's consulting dietitian was giving a lecture to several community nurses in a hospital.
'The garbage we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is terrible. Soda attacks your stomach lining. Lots of foods are loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilizers and pesticides and none of us realizes the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water. However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives.

Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, 'Wedding cake.'

Picture it: a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, two men and a woman are shipwrecked. A month passes. Now apply stereotypes (add any not already included)

If all were Italian - one man has killed the other to have the woman.

If all were French - an enjoyable ménage-à-trois.

If all were German - the two men have built the woman a snug little house, and have a rota of alternating visits to her.

If all were Greek - the men are together, and the woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

If all were Bulgarian, the men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

All three Japanese have faxed Tokyo, and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two Australian men are contemplating suicide because the Australian woman keeps complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and have set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.