Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I'll bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.
At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed.
"I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

This came in email today ....It's a goody..so hope you read and get some idea of what could be waiting to happen on a shopping trip!

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Get Out Of The Car - NOW !
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An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs
"I have a gun, and I know how to use it!
Get out of the car - NOW !"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat.
They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why.
It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two
12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into her own car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a
carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Moral of the story?
If you're going to have a senior moment...
make it memorable!

Happy birthday to a very nice lady!!!! May you have a wonderful day and many more birthdays!!!

...What would you do?

The thrill and excitement when I find something new always brighten my day, always give me that devious smile. It's challenging and I can't seem to get enough of it. Too much of it though can wear the novelty off real quick and when that happens, I move on and look for something new.

In friendship, I do give it my best shot but when it start to wear off, I don't like to try to modify it or to try to make it better...I simply move on and find replacement

In material things, there are stuffs that have sentimental value to me, they might be cheap and mean nothing to others but I will keep them for life, I value them more than my friends I guess

In relationship...( this is the tricky one )...if someone means a lot to me, I will fight hard for him. I did when I was married but perhaps I didn't try hard enough. With my BF, the novelty wears off and on again and that's because something always comes up that would reignite the fire and add new meaning and excitement to the relationship. Sounds crazy I know but that's me.

In online friendships...I do chat to some good friends here, did closely chat to a few but not for long, the novelty wears off...and simply moved on to the next one Nobody got hurt...it's just the way with online world I guess.

With blogging, the novelty is on and off, depends on my mood and the blog topics posted. When the novelty wears off, I take a step back, get on with real world and come back with some positive blogs ( if not s*xual and naughty ) ) ...aim to put some smile on others' faces.

Now, if it comes to sex... what if the novelty wears off ? What would you do? Would you do it for his/her sake, hoping it will get better or would you cut and run?

Why is it so difficult to hide a happiness? When I'm happy, I'm wearing a big smile and grinning...people around me says that I'm like a walking sunshine and it's contagious too. Walking around smiling or grinning for some reasons unknown to others makes them wonder "what the heck is going on with her?!" and that makes them smile too

When I'm sad and grumpy, I don't show that to the world, I'm very good at hiding my negative emotions and wearing a fake smile that way I don't affect people around me.

Well, I have lots of reasons to be happy...you?

Well, woke up early here and having a nice cup of coffee...thinking and looking forward to happy days

You all have a nice day/night

I will seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.
And when I am finished you will be weak for days.
All my love
The Flu

Now get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

Why must I prove that I am me to pay my bills over the phone? Do strangers
call to pay my bills? And, if they do, why don't you let them?




The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can
be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.




My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.
I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.




My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the
195 lbs. I've gained.




I'm getting kind of tired always slowly raising my hand when someone asks,
"Who does something like that?"




I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just
give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?




Four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Jeff Gordon announced that this will be
his final season of racing. You could tell it was time for him to retire
during his last race when he had his blinker on the whole time.




The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is
inversely proportional to the severity of the storm that's coming.




Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' .....If
you're in Denny's and it's your birthday... your life sucks!




If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need.....not
all this, "how did you get in my house" business!




The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today....Pretty sure she's going
to get me something.



I can't understand why women are okay with JC Penny's older women's line of
clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

Loveallnite he posted a blog saying that he felt great with Siri, honestly, Siri means nothing to me and I never used it until today, as always I have a bit spare time reading around during awaiting for my dinner, so, I decided to ask Siri: 'could you bring me a boyfriend looks like Jamie Dornan but single, loyal, and LOVE ME!' :)

I asked for a while already but it seems the Siri doesn't work!

Wish everyone a nice weeken! ^_^

ARE HAPPIER....than couples who are very attractive and very successful.

Less attractive couple tend to see and appreciate the inner person of each other. Same goes for an attractive person who is with a less attractive partner. Inner beauties, good characters and unique personalities leave lasting impressions than the outside beauty, could be the reason why relationships between less attractive couples last longer than those couple who "have it all". They are settled, content and couldn't ask for anything more. Attractive people who has it all tend to feel they deserve better and more...and have difficulties in settling for less than what they think they deserve so they keep searching for more and easily swayed by appearances

I used to ask my husband, why he wanted me above others who are very attractive. He's quiet a catch and many were after him and I felt he deserve someone way better than me. He told me that I never bore him, each day is a new adventure with me around while those who are very attractive without good personality will easily bore him and many will look at them and they could easily look for someone better than him too.

A good looking Western guy who's married to our friend whom we consider as "ugly" ( and she herself agreed with us ) said that he married her not just because she is funny and nice person but also because she is ugly and no one will look at her and compete with him He feels secure and doesn't worry every time he turns his back...no one will chase her They are comfortable and happy together

Our neighbor who's "fat" and not attractive is married to unattractive man but they are very happy and very sweet to each other. They have 3 daughters and their home is full of laughters.

Celebrity marriages, those are mostly couple who have it all but their relationship seems shallow and many don't last long. They have it all, they can easily get what they want and easily get bored and look for a new adventure.

I have a BF, he is always grumpy and has big tummy but very attractive and successful. I always tell him to look for someone better than me...he said he's not going to look because there's only one Fruitloop in this world and that's me. I always ask myself, what the f*ck does he see in me? Maybe because he's comfortable and feel secure that no one else will chase me whenever he turns his back

To feel more secure and comfortable, I think will have to look for someone with unattractive appearance but with good humor and personality...but I have to get rid of this jerk first

Just trying to make you laugh, don't take me too seriously please

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.

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The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they have passed.
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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
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Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
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A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down.
Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. '
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me.What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."