Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbors' daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I'd leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Sheila



Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.

If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. Mainly have your air filters cleaned or replaced.

I hope this helps with your problem.

Walter

A hunter gets a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what

it is - so he does not tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for supper?" "You'll see", says his dad. They start eating supper and his daughter keeps

asking what they're eating. "Ok," says her dad, "here's a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me."

"We're eating a**hole!!", she screams.

Happy Friday to singles and to me!

A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.

One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.

A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.

This woman changes dentists, and notices that the fairly unusual name of the new dentist is the same as the name of a boy she went to school with, 30 years ago. However, when she sees him, she thinks it can't be - this guy is ANCIENT, must be his father.

Then she sees his diploma on the wall. WOW. Graduated 22 years ago. Must be the same guy. She's quite shocked at how he's aged, but says cheerfully enough as she sits down in the chair of doom 'I remember you from Ridgeway High School'.

His brow wrinkles. 'Were you my teacher?'

A small Wild Animal Park in Alabama acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat and to make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie Tanden, a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
The park administrator thought they might have a solution. Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500.00?
Eddie showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer but only under the following four conditions.
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips." The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this." The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed.
And last of all Eddie stated, "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00."

A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed. He was put in a room with another crazy, and he immediately began his routine,

"I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!"
( he was talking to the another crazy)

The other guy looked at him and declared, "I did not!"


A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."


Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you’re just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

Yup don't all shout at once.

Life is a learning curve. If you have a red stair carpet, don't have a ginger cat. And really don't have a white dog. Or get rid of the red carpet.

Worst job - brushing the stairs with a rubber brush. No question.

Every time I have houseguests (and I love to have houseguests) I realize what a lazy housewife I am the rest of the time. By the time the guests arrive I have housemaid's knee, tennis elbow, and want to sleep for a week.

....as this is a multicultural site..you might find this funny