Are You Alone Because You’re Too Picky?

Ladies, have you ever been told that the reason why you don't have a guy is because you're too picky, and that your standards are too high? If you've been feeling lonely and wondering why you don't have a man in your life, you may have been wondering what you should do. Is it right or wrong to be picky? Should you really be lowering your standards for what you want in order to have a man in your life?

We all have a secret picture in our minds of what we want our partner to be like. Our mental picture might include qualities like these:

• he has to be really good looking.
• he has to have a nice car
• he has to dress well
• he can't be a dorky dancer
• he has to be faithful to me
• he has to bring me flowers

We often create a very detailed image in our minds of the kind of guy we want and then we end up feeling disappointed because we don't meet anybody who matches the picture. Or we might be in a relationship, but we are constantly wondering if we should leave this guy because he doesn't match the picture we want.

When this happens, we often ask ourselves, "Is it true that my standards are too high? Should I accept that nobody perfect is going to come along? Should I lower my standards just so I don't end up alone?"

The reason many women face this dilemma is because we confuse our wants with our needs. Our wants and our needs in a relationship are really quite different. Our NEEDS are the qualities we have to have in the other person in order for the relationship to succeed. Our WANTS are the qualities that would be nice for the other person to have, but they don't necessarily affect the quality of the relationship. Sure it would be nice to have a guy who looks really good; a guy who has a nice car and a nice wardrobe, but those are wants. They are not needs.

The next time someone tells you that you are alone because your STANDARDS are too high and that you should be less picky, take a moment to ask yourself what your standards really are. Is your list of requirements made up mostly of qualities that are essential for a good relationship? Or does your list consist mostly of qualities that don't really affect the way the relationship will turn out?

If your standards are based on important qualities that are essential to a good relationship, such as communication and respect, then you need to keep your standards very high. If your picky standards are about the way he dresses and the kind of car he drives, chances are that you can drop those requirements altogether and still get a wonderful guy and a wonderful relationship.