Relationship Tips: How to Deal with your Girlfriend’s Ex

No matter how promising a new relationship may be, having the "ex" in the picture can easily compromise it. It becomes even more complicated when the ex also happens to be your girlfriend's best friend. They always see each other, they spend hours talking on the phone, and she runs to him for advice. She swears that nothing romantic is going on and that the relationship that they have is purely platonic. You end up having no choice but to live with it or give up. This kind of situation will leave a big bruise on your ego and will always create a trust issue. To keep the relationship going, here are some of the things that you can do:

Get the Real Story

Talk to your girlfriend and ask her to tell you how she ended up becoming great friends with her ex. Ask how they met, what happened with their relationship, what differences they had to deal with, and why they broke up. Be as inquisitive as you can without being too invasive. Getting as much information as you can will help you get a better understanding of how they ended up as best friends. Openly talking about it will also give you the opportunity to observe how your girlfriend reacts to the topic.

Know the Enemy

The Art of War suggests that you should keep your friends close but your enemies closer. This is a great strategy because you will get to observe how your girlfriend and her ex interact when they are together. Invite them both to an intimate dinner and make them feel comfortable about being themselves in your presence. Befriend him and ask about his hobbies and interests.

Take this opportunity to validate the fact that they are just friends. Take a mental note of how they talk to each other, how they exchange physical contact, and how comfortable they are in your presence. Sexual chemistry will be very evident if it is present.

Be Thankful

The "ex who's just a friend" is so much better than the "ex she still has feelings for." Be thankful that she has somebody else in her life whom she can turn to in times of trouble. No matter how hard you try, you will never be there for her 100% of the time. She needs friends who understand her and whom she is comfortable with. Try to accept the fact that he will be a part of your lives and learn to live with it.

The Real Problem

The real problem arises when you realize that she indeed has feelings for him. Be certain about your facts before you speak to her about it. Think twice about your observations and be sure that the signs are truly there. It will be very embarrassing if you accuse her of being hung up with her ex based on mere paranoia and jealousy.

Talk to her once you have built up a strong and impenetrable case. You need to discuss the issue with her and not with her best friend. Expect her to be taken aback or to deny your accusations, but you need to carefully explain why you think she still has feelings for him. You need to be clear about what you want to happen next. You need to specify that the only way for the relationship to work is for her to shed light on the situation. It will not be an easy conversation and you have to approach her in a non-accusatory manner.

The conversation can end up in various ways. You can end up separating because you made her realize that she indeed has feelings for your ex. She can end up choosing you and promising to cut ties with her ex. You can also be dead wrong about your observations and she can end up proving that her ex is indeed harmless. In any case, you need to be very matured and open in your discussion in order to reach a mutually favorable conclusion.