The 'Craziest' Idea yet to Fight the Virus
Today in The New Yorker;In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Nation’s Governors Consider Forming Country
By Andy Borowitz
April 13, 2020
AMERICA (The Borowitz Report)—In order to better coördinate their efforts to combat the coronavirus, the nation’s governors are considering the extraordinary step of forming a country.
The radical proposal is an unusual bipartisan effort, spearheaded by the Democratic governor of Michigan, Gretchen Whitmer, and the Republican Governor of Ohio, Mike DeWine.
“Mike and I were bidding against each other for masks and ventilators, and I was, like, ‘Mike this is crazy,’ ” Whitmer said. “ ‘It would be so much better if we just worked together and formed a country.’ ”
DeWine said that Whitmer’s proposal of creating a country out of the fifty states “made a lot of sense.”
“It was one of those moments where someone throws out a nutty idea and you think, ‘Hold on, let’s think on that for a second,’ ” he said.
While the idea of the fifty states coming together to form a country is still in the embryonic stage, DeWine said that the states would ideally create a “federal government” led by a “President.”
“We’re all in agreement that it would be amazing to have a President right now,” DeWine said.
A straw poll of the governors indicates that the front-runner for President of this yet-to-be-named country is one of their own: Governor Andrew Cuomo, of New York.
“Andrew keeps saying that he doesn’t want to be President,” Whitmer said. “And I’m, like, ‘Dude, you already are.’ ”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Nation’s Governors Consider Forming Country
By Andy Borowitz
April 13, 2020
AMERICA (The Borowitz Report)—In order to better coördinate their efforts to combat the coronavirus, the nation’s governors are considering the extraordinary step of forming a country.
The radical proposal is an unusual bipartisan effort, spearheaded by the Democratic governor of Michigan, Gretchen Whitmer, and the Republican Governor of Ohio, Mike DeWine.
“Mike and I were bidding against each other for masks and ventilators, and I was, like, ‘Mike this is crazy,’ ” Whitmer said. “ ‘It would be so much better if we just worked together and formed a country.’ ”
DeWine said that Whitmer’s proposal of creating a country out of the fifty states “made a lot of sense.”
“It was one of those moments where someone throws out a nutty idea and you think, ‘Hold on, let’s think on that for a second,’ ” he said.
While the idea of the fifty states coming together to form a country is still in the embryonic stage, DeWine said that the states would ideally create a “federal government” led by a “President.”
“We’re all in agreement that it would be amazing to have a President right now,” DeWine said.
A straw poll of the governors indicates that the front-runner for President of this yet-to-be-named country is one of their own: Governor Andrew Cuomo, of New York.
“Andrew keeps saying that he doesn’t want to be President,” Whitmer said. “And I’m, like, ‘Dude, you already are.’ ”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
I've watched a lot of both Governor Murphy & Governor Cuomo's daily briefings. They've both done an effective job. However, Cuomo takes more time to explain, consider and essentially embrace & refute alternatives. I feel he resonates better with the public, explaining why he carefully considers and chooses methods. While he got little support in campaigning, honestly, he is very presidential in his leadership, and something this country has sorely missed since Obama left office.
Comments (43)
Alternatively, everybody votes in the next election, but deliberately spoils their ballot paper.
Refuse to take part until you can make sensible, realistic choice.
I think we probably need to do that too, but being far less powerful, we have less of an impact upon the rest of the world.
I have a sinking feeling you'll try to hold onto Biden and put him in the White House under the impression than he might be marginally better than Trump.
Trump is officially the WORST president in US history and that was decided BEFORE the impeachment.
What he has done since LOWERS his performance. He's still the worst.
But, someone else would have to do a lot more bad, than his originally worse scores to challenge him
for being the worst. Biden while certainly not ideal, would still make a top 1/2 of the bunch president.
Unfortunately, Bernie will be too old to successfully run in 4 years. If his 2 opponents were not also quote old, perhaps he would have been too old to run successfully this time.
I was probably thinking ahead and my fingers just finished the word after I typed q while my mind wandered ahead a bit.
Biden/Cuomo for president.
Thus, I will listen to it tomorrow morning, while doing some other stuff.
There's never a reason to make up stuff. However, this president and his chums
are so bad, it's astonishing.
L - I like that suggestion.
It doesn't seem likely.
BUT ... Never say Never
The problem with a Biden-Cuomo ticket is that BIDEN would be running for PRESIDENT.
Veeps can Balance a National Ticket, but folks vote for the Prez -- Not the Veep.
Also --
Joe's exhibiting symptoms of dementia.
It's cringe-worthy to ponder what could happen during a 2 hour Mano e Mano debate with The Don ...
^^^^ 4:20
"There's not enough popcorn in the WORLD!!" ...
Nailed It, Rita
(Popcorn
Yeah, it's two hours long because that's how long it takes when Trump's rambling, lying and carrying on. Trump is such a liar they do a live fact check every day now..
As a story writer I am good at cranking out short essay satire like this. I just don't feel the need to create for this crowd. How you keep at it day after day amazes me.
Cut & Paste isn't difficult. It's actually remarkably simple ...
I'm Still of the opinion that a Major Party that runs a senile candidate for Prez has little chance of winning.
BTW --
That six panel meme thingy is quite accurate ...
BTW Jim, talking of crazy ideas to fight the virus, you'd better explain to the WHO your professional opinion that they are wasting their time testing BCG. Can you believe it, clinical trials have started. They really should have checked with you first.
If you lose every last shred of respect from the rest of the world, it will have an impact.
That ship has sailed.
The American people have overwhelmingly made Biden the other candidate. We have to play the cards that have been dealt. That's the way the imperfect US system works. As I already said,
it will take a very long time to repair the damage Trump has caused. Apparently, they are so sick of Trump, that they prefer the comfort of Old Joe, over the agent of change for the better, Bernie. In my opinion Bernie was the best choice for both elections. But, it is not going to happen. The primaries decide the candidates, not logic. If logic had anything to do with it, Trump would be no one's candidate.
Interesting blog concept.
If one had a single opportunity to go back & change a moment in TIME, it'd be ______
IF ... Time Travel has been achieved at some time in the future, I Strongly suspect I know the moment that's been changed. And WHY.
For the record --
It's nothing to do with The Don -- It's before he was born.
Try this, miclee - The Hokey Pokey is a dance appropriate to these days of changing Trump story lines.
You do not have to make this choice of two unacceptable options.
You can make a stand against inappropriate and oppressive government.
Or are women not really people, but property?
You do not have to make this choice of two unacceptable options.
You can make a stand against inappropriate and oppressive government.
These 2 are not mutually exclusive.
One is easily solved with a vote. The other requires a much longer effort, as it will take much more change.
One of the two candidates will be elected, no matter what I do. That's reality. This country may not survive another 4 years of Trump's damage to it and it's people.
Your are unable to support Trump because of what you see in the media. You constantly, daily, post issues relating to Trump's inadequacies and criminal behaviour.
But your principals go out of the window when it comes to Biden because he opposes Trump.
The opposite applies to you, Mic. All of a sudden you have principals and a concept of cognitive aptitude.
Issue one - I believe and support woman's rights - my grandmother was a suffragette who ran a business in the background thru my grandfather and helped push thru the 19th amendment and my mother fought for civil rights. I think what the GOP is now doing to suppress Women's and Civil rights both is appalling.
Issue two - Unlike Britain, the US forefathers did not choose to go with a Parliamentary form of government.
Having twice now witnessed questionable presidency outcomes - Bush 2 and Trump, I find myself wondering itf the forefathers could have done better - maybe go with a Parliamentary system. Too late now.
Regardless, there is much more at stake, than how the world views the USA.
There are literally lives at stake. There is literally the survival of the country at stake.
It is completely unacceptable that either of them should be your president.
It's completely unacceptable that you, as a nation, should ignore the allegations against Biden simply because you think he's a bit less inappropriate than Trump.
That said, I have met and taken the time to get to know a very nice man who happens to be a Trump supporter. From speaking with him, I have discerned the problem causing the polarization of our country, and it is Trump's hate rhetoric and Fox New's lies. Fox News needs to be sued into the dirt and so do the Murdochs. They are lying to their viewers, all the time, and they are causing massive despair.
Doesn't the constitution start with a preamble which includes the goal of establishing justice and promoting general welfare?
Wouldn't the allegations suggest he has used his position and status to disempower women, he has ignored that which is just and has put his own self-interest before the welfare of others?
Why is Biden's apparent disdain for constitutional law acceptable, but Trump's is not?
If you did, I had assumed that 'all men' had been updated to 'all people', at least in people's minds and for legal purposes.
I get that no one would want to change the linguistic artistry of the original. I haven't got issue with that.
I have issue with it not being applied universally because that really does alter the whole 'all' and 'equal' thing.
Frankly I do not care for Biden - but at least he abides by the law. Which is more than I can for Trump.
I am done talking here on this topic. The floor is all yours.
Biden abides by the law...?
And don't come back at me with 'innocent until proven guilty', because Biden supporters aren't applying that principle to Trump.