Three Little Pigs Reloaded

Red Riding Hood, now 16, packed some cookies and a flask of tea in a picnic basket and went to visit her friends, the three pigs, now also a bit older. As parents you may know what weird friends our children can acquire. She found them sitting in a straw hut. Before she could open the basket there was a knock in the door.

“Who’s that?” asked one of the pigs.
“Open the door,” shouted the big bad wolf, “or I’ll blow this hut over”.
“Try!” shouted another pig.

The wolf blew the hut over in two puffs and the four of them ran off. The wolf, now in his middle years, could not keep up and the four found a wooden shack that was erected when the last Rambo movie was filmed. They entered and bolted the door. Soon they were enjoying cookies and tea when they heard another knock on the door.

“Who’s that?” asked one of the pigs.
“Open the door,” shouted the big bad wolf, “or I’ll blow this shack over”.
“Try!” shouted another pig.

The wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew the shack over. The four ran off and once again they got away. Eventually they came to a deserted farmstead belonging to the bank after the farmer went bust; a sturdy brick building with a strong door. They went inside and bolted the door.

“Now,” said Red Riding Hood as she kicked off her boots and shed her red hood, “I’m fed-up with cookies and tea. Now I want a drink!”

One of the pigs found a bottle of brandy and a set of dominoes and there they sat drinking brandy and playing dominoes when the wolf knocked again.

“Who the #@*&! is that?” shouted a pig; can you imagine what pigs are like when they’re drunk?
“Open the door,” shouted the big bad wolf, “or I’ll blow this house over”.
“#@*&! off man,” shouted another pig.
“He can #@*&! himself.” said the third pig while he poured another round, “He’ll never blow this house over”

Alas, they forgot about that Santa trick and next thing the wolf came sliding down the chimney. And they scattered again. Those pig tails stood like police car aerials the way they ran, but the wolf was after Red Riding Hood who battled in the thorns without her boots.

She sat down to remove the thorns from her feet and the wolf came roaring in her face.

“Push off man,” shouted Red Riding Hood as she smacked the wolf across the face. “You’re only chasing me all the time and I’m not even in this damn story!”

I shared this story with you to tell it to your children and grandchildren, as – in view of the modern movies – they may find this more interesting that the original story.

Cheer up! It is Friday.