Nursery Rhymes Updated

Little Hood Redding Ride
So this skank named Red Hooding Ride wanted to check her grandma’s house for crack money, she got out of her taxpayer sponsored crib and put on her leggings and anorak, grabbed her stolen iPad and headed to the bus stop.

Meanwhile, this gangsta dude who was on the run from the cops broke into granny’s taxpayer sponsored bungalow, he checked inside the Formica furnished hovel and saw grandma sleeping on in front of daytime TV, he robbed her purse and some shit and then plunged his shiv into the wrinkled woman and chucked her behind the sofa and sat down to enjoy some TV.

Red Hooding arrived, bummed a smoke off the mailman in return for a feel and entered grandma’s crib salivating at getting cash or stuff to pawn for crack. She saw the dude, and said “granny what a big baldy head u got b*tch”, the dude said “feck you”, and took out his d*ck, “oh granny what a big d*ck U got” he got up to have his way with the skank when the cops came in and shot him 38 times.

Dumpty Humpty
There was this morbidly obese dude named Dumpty Humpy, he was unemployed and liked to sit on walls and wolf whistle chicks while ramming a family bucket of fried chicken and a few extra strong lagers down his neck.

So Dumpty fell of the wall because he was drunk, some horses came by with a bunch of elite upper class military types, the horses were not paramedics and the elites couldn’t help put dumpty together because they were taking selfies with his runny yolky shattered corpse to upload on Facebook.

Why not add your own updated nursery Rhyme...