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About a month ago my youngest daughter came to visit me. She brought her friend Lisa and they both started giving me a bad time about my "old fashioned phone". You woulda thunk I was carrying an old rotary phone in my pocket. No, it was a small black cell phone with no special features (app's??) and not the "smart phone" style.

They said, I needed one where I could "txt" and something more modern. I was happy with what I had and when they said, "Well, you know they're going to discontinue that phone soon" I replied "I can wait til then". I am learning a new language so I also replied, "I have no need for bling".

This little black phone shaped like a wad of tar was doing a lot of "failed calls" and just failing all around. I called my carrier, used to be phone company, and the rep told me I had a SIM card in it that wouldn't work in my area too well. When he told me the companies name I started to lose my control.

First of all when I opened the account I was told they were using a reputable phone system that I was comfortable with and the SIM card was that companies SIM card. But oh no! They sent me a phone with another carriers SIM cad knowing that this SIM card was not good in the area I lived.

I cancelled and opened an account for less money with unlimited "txt"ing" and phone calls for one price. It was perfect but little did I know how "perfect". I'm not a "txt'er". I like to hear a voice and in particular my children's voices. So I started calling my kids with this new phone and I couldn't reach them. Imagine, with a cell pone they carry in their purse?!?! So I had this revelation. I would "txt" them.

HA HA HA!! My phone lit up with return "txt's" and the rest is history! They wanted to know what kind of phone, what my rates were and on and on with how many "apps"!! OK, I'm learning and I didn't know what to answer.

So, ok, maybe I can't hear their sweet voices but I hear their sweet "txt's"!!

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My parents were right

My baby sister, cuter than a bug's ear, has hosted Thanksgiving for many years. All us households have prepared our dishes. While I wait on a bro to pick me and the dishes up, I checked FB. First thing I see is picture's of my son's dishes, he is excited and probably on the road to this town. Then I see a post from my sister saying Happy Thankgiving - she intends on having a stress free day so she soaked the Turkey in Vodka and stuffed it with Xanax. Turkey coma forecasted.

You can be a hero too

IT goes without saying mums are the ones who teach us love and care...and dads are there to show u discipline. Some do both, Id like to say I had that balance although my dad was an a** I respected both for what to be and not to be.

When I lost my dad I didn't care, never loved him, but my mum was the biggest shock. As kids,teenagers and into our 30 we don't see them as passing, so take things for granted.....don't !. ,

I was going through some old stuff and found the speech I wrote for her funeral...thought I'd share.


Jeremy clarksons mum invented Paddington bear
Mike nesbit mum from the monkees invented tipex
My mum ? She invented the single finger twix, the two bar kit Kat and an apple that looks like a potato

You see my mum her loved food, and she loved mine to. How my mum discovered these new inventions was simple. When I started my first job at 15 she made me packed lunches.. And as she was placing the sandwiches and 2 bar twix into my pack, she would come over all peckish, and one finger of twix was swiftly eaten before the lid was closed.

As time went on two bars from a 4 bar kit Kat would be found, some days just bread and butter..no filling ! When I asked mum she'd say..oh did I forget to put filling in, how we laughed, and so did my work collueges.
Every day they would wait to see me open my box. Mum got wind of this and one day there was bite marks in my sarnies and another day just a potato , nothing else.

But the real reason for this was mum was hungry, dad had left us and no support, sometimes she had no money for the filing of my sandwiches, yet hid it from me and made a joke of it. I was earning £21 a week then and gave her all my money.

I've dreaded this day all my life, none of us here realise the huge void that has been left in front of us all with mums passing. She suffered so much yet she never ever complained , hid her pain from us all, ever the mother trying to protect us all.

Mum would always asked me if I took sugar in my tea, for over thirty years, yes mum I take one...what I would give now to be at mums house, her asking me if i took sugar, something that irritated me,but something I will never hear from her again.

I know time is a healer but I also know we will be without our rock to guide us, comfort, our world was so rich with her around, nothing can ever replace that.



.....I cried the whole time I read that out...as did most listening..as did I writing it today.

My message is very simple...don't take the ones you love for granted....if you live far..go see them...call them every week...when they are gone...they are gone.

I saw my second gator in the canal across the street from me this morning while walking Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. It was about 7 feet which is still a juvenile but big enough to munch on my dog in one bite. I followed it up the canal until we got to a bridge then the creep went under the bridge and didn't come out. I know animal control was called last time but not sure if they found it or even if this is the same one. I doubt it though.

On an unusual note my son texted me that he was so angry that he could Not look at or talk to his wife because she shaved her head bald while he was at work. I tried to calm him down, asked him to send me a picture but he said, "NO I can't even look at her and Mom you know the one thing I love about a girl is her hair" my heart felt bad on one hand for him but I hadn't heard her side yet. Who knows he may have made her mad and she did it out of spite, then I couldn't blame her.

This morning my daughter texts me to say how mad my son is at her and she sent me a picture. BALD, skin bald but I still love the heck out of her. She said she did it twice in China when she lived there. I asked if that was a Chinese thing and she said nope it is just her thing. She likes it easy and besides she is starting to get grey and doesn't want hair color because it is not healthy.

I'm not meddling in my sons family. Houston we have an unusual situation here. I'm not getting involved in how this marital dispute will play out but I hope they keep me informed. Until I wrote this blog I didn't realize how funny it is now. I have to say I give kudos to my daughter-in-law for being her own woman. Now she also has leverage for the future once her hair grows out.....she can threaten my son if she catches him eating fast food she will shave her head.

I pulled into tolleson, az this morning around 3 am. Was told there were no deliveries today and drove across the street to the company yard and shut down and took a small nap. When I woke up I decided I wanted a hot shower and a shave and a fresh set of clothes. I grabbed my bag of supposedly clean clothes and remembered that I didn't have a chance to dry them. Well when I tossed them into the bag they were still soaking wet because the washer I was using didn't have that good of a spin cycle. That was 4 days ago. I have looked on Craigslist at all the ads for people asking for help stating that they're willing to work for the money. I've contacted all of them. Nobody is willing to wash and dry one load of laundry for a hundred bucks. when I was a teenager, I'd have dug a hole to China for a five spot. I wasn't even asking for the clothes to be folded, just washed, dried and tossed back into the bag. I figured out a way around it all until I can get to a washer and dryer. I bought gas station clothes.

My son is gonna start college tomorrow! Poor boy, he has been waiting for this more than 2 years. Most of his high-school mates are already in their 3rd year of college

He would be moving out end of next month. He’d be sharing a basement with my Malaysian girlfriend, PL. There are 3 rooms and they both take the 2 nicer ones. The house belongs to a Chinese couple in their late 50’s who immigrated to the US some 15 years ago. They used to run a Chinese restaurant and PL used to work there as a waitress during her undergraduate years. They treated her really well.

So, when one of their houses was restored, they offered PL a place. There are 3 rooms on the ground level that is occupied by their chefs and kitchen staffs. PL recommended my son and they agreed but under one condition, my son would’ve to help out at their takeaway ( they had since sold their dine-in restaurant and bought a takeaway business instead, just before Covid. Very lucky people I’d say! ) at least twice a week. In return, he’d get to stay for $400/month with utilities and internet connection included. No deposit needed too.

My son has been helping out for almost 2 weeks now. His schedule was a bit erratic coz at the same time, he and Art were hunting for a used car for him.

The first week he worked there, 10am -10pm for 4 consecutive days, it leaves him very very determined to study very very hard when he goes to college!

I’m now on a hunt for a study/computer table, a comfy chair and a dresser for him on FB Marketplace. He’d bring some of the old but still sturdy furniture from this house. We are all in agreement that he shouldn’t be spending on a lot of money on anything at this moment.

I showed him some really good deals on them office chair and table. Some were quickly snapped up by other buyers and some he wasn’t interested in, much to my frustration

Spotted a really nice dresser but just our luck, someone beat us to it

I was scrolling the FB Marketplace and Aa-Haah!! Finally!! A free chair!!

I showed it to my son when he got back from work yesterday. He’s not talking to me now …… he might even disown his own mom

Please tell me! What have I done wrong?!? I was just looking out for him, trying to save him a few bucks

Well, he can always do his coursework and have his hair permed at the same time?!?!? What’s wrong with dat?!?!


P.S: He’s being paid $130 for working 12hours at the takeaway.

So, for the longest time I have been doing my best. In all things and aspects of life. I have given my all to everyone and everything I encountered. Not to say I didn't have my moments of selfishness and seclusion. I kept my faith, my love and my self esteem in check. I tried to find that inner peace in such a chaotic world outside and inside my home. I have tried my best for others to say it's not good enough. I sent my money to be paid to the bills and debts accrued under my name for the money to be selfishly spent on frivolous things and be told that it wasn't good enough. I have witheld my income to pay the debts myself to have games played and the money lost within those games to never be recovered. All I seek in this life is peace. I wish to have a family of my own someday no matter how selfish I've been told that is. Very recently I have been told by an emergency room that not only are the physical pains real but the emotional ones are real too. I have been told that I suffer from severe traumatic depression and PTSD induced by my prior relationship. I didn't want the violence. I didn't want the childish name calling and public outbursts of supposed affection that were only childish tantrums from a person who manipulated every one by playing the everything is ok card and when behind closed doors the hitting themselves and hurting everyone with words or physical acts. It scares me that for so long nobody believed it was happening. The same words would be said to me about how much I should try harder and do more. I was told that I was never supporting the other person. That they only supported themselves. Then I found out online that it was one of those things where they were gaining sympathy for something that wasn't happening. It broke my heart. It broke my soul. I helped raise two children who weren't even mine. Supporting their every need I possibly could. From the beginning there was talk of having more with me but because of a tubal ligation the year prior to us meeting, there would need to be a reversal done in order to achieve that goal. that's been hung over my head from the start just to be told everytime it came up that it was said just to keep me in the relationship. There have been many many arrests due to the violence and I have been hospitalized far too many times because of how I was raised to not hit those of the opposite side of the relationship. I have no clue what or why it all happened the way it always did. It got so bad the hospital gave me a social worker who told me to start filming everything because if I didn't it would be claimed like it has all along that it didn't happen. The last time I filmed it I was attacked so violently that I have internal bleeding and I will have permanent bite marks to the top of my skull in my hairline. I would have been arrested on the spot when the sheriff showed up if not for the sake of the video. I have tried for many years to peacefully go my separate way leaving every possession I have owned behind each and every time just to have to start over again. I wish nothing but peace in their life and the children's lives, because unfortunately I don't have the will to be beaten senseless anymore. I am ashamed of myself for allowing myself to be in this for so long. I only wanted peace out of life for everyone and everything around me. I do have my job. I will have to start over again with a home. And start again with another vehicle. But time will grant me those things as long as I keep to ky work. That's the only real thing I have in this world. My career. I can go anywhere and still have my trade. I just want to find peace in this world. Just peace. I wish nothing but peace upon anyone else who is hurt and feels like they are damaged because of their inability to free themselves of the pain of this world. It is a cruel place but I wish you all peace. Nothing but peace. Please remember that regardless of what others tell you, you are loved by someone somewhere. DJD

I saw a beautiful pair of twins.. little girls today. I mentioned I have a pair of twins, female too but both are already grown. I remember when they were much younger,like 8 years old, several occasions, they'd have the same dreams, say complete sentences at the same time, for example "Let's go outside and play, or Mom can we have some cookies?. They would also end up in the same exact, position even if one was left sleeping apart in another room, or farther away from the other as my mom would help or a family member in putting them to sleep when it's bed time. I remember once my mom was at the foot of the bed with Melissa in her arms and I was with Melanie.. We both went to sleep and about half hour later I woke up and notice Melissa moving.. Slightly.. Away form my mom, I kept watching and as the minutes went by, both keep moving away slightly until both are together in the middle of the bed and holding hands or in identical positions. I don't understand it all and I although I would want to.. I KEEP THOSE SPECIAL MEMORIES ALWAYS and know that yes they are indeed unique and special.