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I al looking for serious relationship , please ask me whats my country , i will explain you ,

Like the title says. It is finally over. The pain, the anguish. The suffering. What was once two, became one. And what was once one has now become two. It is no longer a separation. It is final. There's no turning back from it and it was expected for many years. And while away dealing with my own suffering, it has been recorded in the courts. All that is left is the memory of what was supposed to be a happy life time. I harbor no ill will. I have no resentment. I have just an empty hollow void where love was. I am going to finish this last load and when empty. I will be taking the truck back to the company yard and parking it. I am only going to draw out of my pay just enough to get a hotel room up the road from the yard and set myself in the room with the lights off, door locked, tv off and just sit there and have myself a conversation with my maker about what the past 12 years was truly about and what it should have been. It was to be expected that this would finally be put to rest. Now there truly is no more fear of being hurt by the other because after all that has happened over the years, the past few months hurt the worst out of it all. But the fact that it's finally put to rest even though it lifts a burden from my shoulders, I still feel a sense of guilt because I took those vows very serious and kept them near and dear to my heart. They were my first in alot of things in life. I have a problem with it. Not that I want to go back to the pain. Not that I want the suffering. Nor to have conversation that will just delve back into childishness. But I don't want to be having this empty hollow feeling of guilt upon my heart and soul. I cannot lie when I say that because they were there, even if it was painful, that they were still a part of my being even if they chose to be apart because of their addiction and infidelity. I wish you the best. Same as always. I wish you happiness and success and joy, because even if you wanted an enemy I always wanted the very best for you in all things and ways. May peace be upon your path and success upon your every endeavor. I truly am sorry that forever was just too far away. May you be blessed with many years of joy and harmony and thank you for the ability to know you in a way that was not seen by the world. This too shall pass. I will see you when the Lord above guides our mortal souls to our immortal piece of the after life and may you always be able to be with your children and able to provide for them. They may not have been my blood, but I truly cared for those blessed angels as though they were my own. And for the fact that I am not the one for you, do not let it discourage you from a better tomorrow and always use our time as a guide to a better way of living. Excuse me world, for now it is a time for me to grieve even if others see it as a time for jubilation. I just know that in the end of my time in this realm of life and struggle, that I did my best. And it wasn't good enough. Not in the relationship, nor after. I still find myself thinking back on years lost to the madness and apologizing not just to them, nor to a higher being, but to myself. I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but I am just trying to get it out. just trying to come to grips with, it's finally over and there is nothing left to say about it. Now I will go have my moment of silence and my moment of grief. And I still have nothing but peace on my mind no matter how chaotic it seems. Good night all. I will get my work finished and park this truck and trailer, then if nobody has any objections, I am going to shed a tear.

Is it a product of the C-19 influences on us all? Or something greater? During the potato blight famine, around 1847, apparently the Choctaw tribe sent just under USD 200 to help the Starving Irish. Now, it's not as if this Tribe was without it's own racist challenges, as with all Native American groups in Canada and the USA. Following their good hearts, the Irish have been taking up collections to return the kindness. Can anyone say Hope for humanity ? Can't make this stuff up, folks.

Remember that I inherited a dog named Lucy when my friend passed. Bella nor I saw that coming. Getting a spoiled dog with no instructions has been a small challenge on both ends of the leash.

Lucy had to give up canned dog food because that stuff scares me. Bella ate so little but Lucy is five times her size so I've had to figure out how much she eats and buy larger amounts of organ meats to mix with veggies, fruits and quinoa or brown rice. At first Lucy resisted but gobbles up her food now.

The only thing is her name. She doesn't come when I just call "Lucy", she doesn't come until I call her a third time then she bolts to me. So she doesn't know her name is Lucy.....she thinks it is Lucy, Lucy, Lucy.

She cracks me up. Sometimes she will sit and stare at me while making a small growl in her throat. I'm still trying to figure out what she is telling me. If she needs to go outside she makes that sound then goes sits at the door staring at it, then I know it is time for a walk. She is training me.

Since I was young and able to see and understand the roles opposite sex can do, I was so thankful that I was born or God made me a woman.

My loving brother was made to do so many physical works in the farms that I didn't have to do. Meaning he's in the scorching sun or in the heavy pouring rain farming while I helped my mother do woman chores in the comfort of our home.

In the old traditional values and Filipino culture, women didn't need to go to school and dream of becoming anything than that of a house wife and raise children. My father was different. He asked me what I wanted to do after mandatory schooling and I said: " I want to be a lawyer". So he let me pursue my career against the expectations of my uncles and aunts. But with the support of my great grandmother from Spain and my mother, I rose above that traditional value. And so I became a University professor and traveled the world. I could only be thankful that my father deviated away from such a limited thinking and yet never heard of feminism.

In today's society, it's a fact that women are now entitled of rights that were not available before.

I, too am thankful of that, but I don't use it to ever claim that I'm better without a man and or I can do it all without a man.

Still I'm so grateful that I am a woman. Wear skirts and cry whenever I want to if I have to.


Thanks all for your peruse and comments if any.

Well yesterday was my 11th anniversary of living in Mexico. WOW.

And you know what?

I forgot to celebrate.!.!.!

But maybe that's an OK thing, cause I was just too busy doing other stuff. Let me tell you about it......

My really great Mexican friend Jorge came out to the castle with his son Lester (what the heck kind of Mexican name is Lester anyway?) to work on a project for school. Well that's totally cool with me, so out to my wood shop we go.

Well Lester has his plan and his material that they bought in town and Jorge always has 3 ideas to make it better, that NEVER work out as re-planned. And I just can't keep my mouth shut, so I put in my 2 cent's worth along the way.

Upshot of it all;

Lester's the happiest teen you could imagine.

Jorge kept all of his fingers.

I kept my patience.

The project got made with 12 copies for classmates.

We filmed it all.

I wasn't lonely for 4 or 5 hours.

Lester says he's so lucky to have his crazy Canadian engineer/carpenter uncle.

And my poor old long suffering dog is mad at me because we ate dinner at 9 at night. Tough I say, school comes first.

Where are you hiding, my darling?
Are you missing me, your other half?
Let's come as one to fill our hearts
To show each other that love is true.

Full of me? I've not yet been through
Waiting for the crew to sail on the ship
Keep exploring until we finish
Inspire next generation with endless stories

My biggest dream, oh you know it's family
With cozy nights with frequent smiles on face
As the home nothing can replace
Will you be my roommate for life? ??

.... ..... ,,....,,.....The real genuine ones.....are the ones...takes flowers...to the burial grounds

Could be a men/women topic, but perhaps lots of overlap. All six siblings got to talk a good deal at family dinner/breakfasts after Mom's funeral Mass and interment. Much deeper chats than usual, especially with great eulogy by youngest sister, highlighting humor and strength of our mother, who left us gently in mid nineties. Have been getting great cooperation in my role as executor of the estate. Oddly, it's leading to more closeness and revelations among us all. I've heard this from others, but sometimes I hear of further alienations, especially over assets, and old wounds---real or often merely perceived.

One by one, he's keeping them. China, jobs, economy, Korea, etc. Now he says he'll do something reasonable on guns in the wrong hands. Watch him. But his latest act is to begin reinforcing a law that has been part of immigration policy for decades, until partially reversed in 1999, mostly by dems. And by a few wussified others, so affraid of illogically being called racist. Now immigrants must not be on the dole too long, or it's back to the hell holes from whence they came. Just hope he would also reinstitute the effective Sponsor system. Our great President Trump. MARA. Make America reasonable again. Just watch the country hating---vote pandering moonbats piss and moan about it, and begin law suits. All go to the SCOTUS. Imagine that. Hardy har har har.