When he saw his mrs crying
he could not believe his eyes
to think you cry for me
i am touched paddy said
and his face went red
my word how she loves me
but the tears were of temper
with despair and anger too
she howled inside at the prospect
of paddy back home again
cook darn sew and cook
wait on him all day long
all of my housework
plus him too
it drives me back to drink
how can i fix this man of mine
give me another drink

tut tut pet dont be distraught
he tried to say to her
you ve got me back home again
and just when she heard that
she burst into tears again
well the day went on
and the temper eased
but inside the pot still boiled
paddy s missus mary kate
slowly began her toil

i will fix him
just dont know how

put banana skins on the kitchen floor
grease the landing rail
glue on the toilet seat
on the floor some loose nails
spike the food is easy
as the preverbial pie
with a shot of gin
at her plan
she toasted
heres mud in your eye

but the best laid plans backfire
and mary in her haste
tripped o er his crutches
in the kitchen
landing on hot plates
whacked her elbow also
as she yelped in agony
did not see the banana skins
until it was too late
landed by the kitchen sink
smashing cups and plates
cut her hand for measure
and now mary i see
making up the numbers
at the A E (casualty)