Comedy Blogs (1,863)

Yeah, the scammers on here accidentally come up with some classics.

About a year ago, one told me that she? couldn't arrive in my country because her mother needed an operation on her testicles.

Well today, I got a lovely invitation to communicate on whatthehellisup (or something similar) from a cute blonde woman (supposedly) in California who has a PhD in....... plumbing.
She must be able to change the heck out of an O ring and REALLY know how to unplug a toilet.
Even finding a university that specializes in such a field of study at the graduate level, must have
been quite an accomplishment.
Kudos to her

"Our Fauci Who Art in Face Diapers,
Hallowed be Thy ScIEnCE.
Thy Kingdom Covid,
Thy CDC,
On Earth as it is in Lockdown.
Give us this shot,
Our daily vaccine,
But forgive us our breathing,
As we never forgive those who breathe upon us.
And lead us not into social gatherings,
But deliver us from Freedom.
A-Women."

My neighbor is all upset, just because his lovely 26 year old daughter
sun bathes in the nude in their back yard.

Personally, I don't think it's that big a deal.
In fact, one could say, that I'm actually on the fence about it.

When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid,

she becomes a Def Leppard....

That's right. My newest idea (patent pending) will help you do exactly that.
An untapped safe energy source is central to the future and we already have access to it
and even try to ignore it. It's time to change that. It's time to celebrate it.
It is much safer than oil, nuclear, or electric.

As you may have suspected, I am talking about farts.
Yes, it's time to take ownership and stockpile them as a methane source
for use in the Methanemobile 2021. The first in a series of fart powered transport systems
with the engine, naturally in the rear of the vehicle.
Now the entire family, even the dog, can participate in fully renewable energy generation.
1 case of re-fried beans free with every purchase !

Yes, the idea stinks (literally), but it may be the future.

I originally became exposed to this song, when I was a little kid watching The Little Rascals.
There was one episode called 'Pinch Singer'. In it Alfala sang a tune (off-key).

It was 'I'm in the mood for love', (originally written by Jimmy McHugh & saxophonist James Moody).



Of course since then, I've heard a number of people sing the song,
including Sara Vaughn, Nat King Cole, Sam Cooke, Frank Sinatra, Barbara Streisand, Rod Stewart, Peaches & Herb, and many others.

It's also been used as a jazz standard to innovate with, most notably by the great alto saxophonist Charlie Parker;



and piano great Art Tatum;



But, you know the lyrics, or at least the beginning.

"I'm in the mood for love, simply because you're near me."

Wonderful. But, this is 2021 and perhaps it's time for an update more in tune (pun intended)
with the current century.

So, starting with the opening, "I'm in the mood for love, simply because"........

lets have fun adding our own suggestions to update the tune.

To get us started I'll suggest;

I'm in the mood for love simply because....... of Viagra.

or ....simply because.... quarantine ended.

or .....simply because .... of your D cups.

or.............. add your own suggestions, if you like.

Yeah, yeah, I think so. Sunday a 2:10pm Hurray... !!!