Ending A Relationship With Class

Ending A Relationship With Class

Ending a relationship is one of the hardest things we have to face in life. No matter who you are it will happen to you sooner or later. You might have begun to realize that this person is not the person you thought they were when you first met. So how do you move on without hurting the other person too badly?

You first need to realize that you are doing the right thing. If you are ending the relationship you have seen too many red flags. There may have been behavior you won't stand for or maybe there is just no spark of excitement there. Life is too short to be with the wrong person simply in order to avoid being alone. Know that there is a person out there that was made just for you.

You owe it to the other person to meet them in person and tell them of your decision. Pick a nice neutral place to meet and share your feelings. Don't have them at your home and don't go to theirs. Meeting at a neutral place means that you won't get involved in any intimate behavior that you will regret later.

A good rule of thumb is to take as much blame as possible. Your goal is to move on. There is no need to hurt another individual. You can say something as simple as "I have been thinking and I believe I am not the person you deserve in your life." It's also advisable to let the person know that you have learned a lot about yourself through this experience. Let them know that you truly will treasure the times you have spent together. If the person has a hard time accepting the news simply apologize again. The next step is to restate that you are simply not the right person for them. Your goal is to be kind but firm in your decision to move on.

You may be pressed by the person you are ending the relationship with for a reason. Stay positive and kind. The best thing to say is "I feel that there is someone out there with better chemistry for you then me."

Remaining friends with the other person should only be an option if you are sure that they won't use this friendship as an excuse for staying in your life. Sometimes people want to remain friends because they secretly believe they can change your mind regarding the relationship. The best thing to do is simply move on by making a clean break from the other person. Making a clean break forces the other person to go on to another relationship prospect.

You may want to let all your calls from this person go to your answering machine for the next few weeks. It's best to not return calls. The sane person soon realizes it's over and then they move on.

Whatever you do don't continue to have sex with someone you have ended a relationship with. Many times people use that as a way of trying to convince themselves you still care. It's simply not worth it in the long run.

Do not dwell on what went wrong. Use the things you have learned in this relationship to benefit you. Long-term relationships take a lot of work. If your heart says it's over then it's over. Move on joyfully to the next relationship.

Comments (17)

elo3000
ending a relation is not so hard you just close the door and good luck !
JaquiG
Is the reason that they were not the person you thought, or is it that over the course of time you simply grew apart?

That is how my marriage died, we grew apart rather than closer. [ having a time zone and international border separating us helped promote that :( ]

Our relationship changed to the point a marriage is not the right expression, we are, and always will be, best friends.
goldengloss
Hi, this is a very interesting article, as somebody a little older, I can tell you that say,2years is a long time and you tend to get very attached quicker and more intensely as you get older coz the gameplaying isnt as pronounced, even though the sex can be very good if not better than when one was young. Whilst I do agree about being honest and being brave, I dont share the huge enthusuasm here about there being 'great things around the corner' most women and men looking for partners [as in a good longterm relationship] know its far from easy to find. ITs better to be honest about this. Thats why we stay so long in toxic relationships, often too, familiarity is what keeps us there, we get along well on alot of different levels. so, say, in my case, Ive broken up after a good while with a wonderful man, why ? well, he used to get into very cold silent moods. I discussed these but still, I found them difficult, the second was, he didnt like socialising, so we tended to stay at home and watch TV on the weekends when I would go out to his place to stay for long weekends, I would come back tired, disorientated and sometimes recently, bored. I had said we needed to Date in order to keep romance alive, his idea of a Date was to go to a movie or watch a dvd. I had nice clothes but had stopped wearing them. I felt whats the point ? He woudnt come to friends houses for dinner as he said he was allergic to garlic and liked v plainfood. He didnt seem to be very keen on my friends. I hadnt been in a partnership before and I found it abit much that he made a very firm decison frm the start 1. he would never marry 2 he would never live with a woman. Thats cool, but he was a widower, and expected all the things from me that a wife would be. When I'd go home I liked my space, he would phone me at least 4 times a day and stay on the phone for so so long. I began to see it as an obsession. 2 friends of mine took it mean he was a control freak.
Finally, what broke the relationship was his meaness. he denies this. I felt that it was only fair to say WHY I was going to leave, it was the moods and ensuing rows from same, and the verbal aggression [in between we were soulmates ] which made breaking up very very hard. Anyway, I never got taken out and when I did, he hung back and I paid for the movies. little things like that, Im on a small pension and dont work, recently he asked me [nor for a loan ] but asked me for 250euro towards a new Tv. He didnt need a new one,just fanced a new bigger one. I thought this very cheap, am I old fashioned in thinking a man shouldnt ask his girlfriend for money ? I guess that was the red flag for me, that and the fact that there was no future.
baggio86
bullshit!!!!
tere_bebe2000
ending a relationship is definately not easy, but sometimes it has to be done best thing is to tell the person why and be honest, running away never solves anything.
Hopeful1day
This is true but it is dependant on the individual relationship. being firm in the way u do it is key. sometimes u just hav 2 get out as sn as possible & delaying the inevitable could be detrimental. so yah this post is correct but dependant on circumstances :).
bookshop
Thank You CS for this article! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it,having gone through this myself and have applied most of the things mentioned in the article for some years now,life is wonderful----single or double life should be happy and worth living.
happykitten
try telling this to the gutless men who dump u by text
mjames
lol; this article cracks me up; Move on joyfully to the next one? is this an episode of the OC?

Anyone that has "class" will obviously not feel too hot. It's painful to leave a relationship even if its' the right thing to do.

1. when it's over it's over. Don't let the person have any glimmer of hope that it will still go on.

2. dont' use the person for sex or for money; no matter what

3. realize that this person may or may not fell the same; if they want to stay together it may get a little ugly; be stern but sensitive.

4. Don't hash out the reasons with them; just say you are not wanting to be with them; and that it's just not right for you and you are not happy and realize you will never be happy with them and that it really needs to end. The more you talk about it the more you may stay or it may get ugly.

5. Don't say you want to be friends or that there are better people out there for the both of us. This isn't high school and they may be offended by such ridiculous talk.

5. dont' communicate with them in any way for a while; they must know it's over; if you communicate then you'll know it's over. No texting, no calls, no emails; tell them that as well.

6. Realize that you played a role in this too; whether you chose the person for the wrong reasons, were not a good partner, you were insensitive, or if you allowed certain behavior to go on. You must hone up to it, realize it was wrong, and then dont' make the same mistakes twice.

There is no easy way to break up but texting, emailing or whatever isn't the way. If you are not scared for your safety you do it in person.
southmiami
Ending a relationship knowing you are still in love with that person can be very hard, sometimes our emotions grab us and we can't keep our unhappiness under our skin until you need to bring it up to the surface.
But love has to be both ways in a couple and being able to perceive it mutually.When you lack of this it's over, no reason to be together because of children, security or the simple fact of being alone again.
It takes courage to accept the reality and move on.
Breaking up is definetly a painful experience, but it’s not an empty pain, it’s a pain that promises something better , but when it finally stops I think it will be left with something beautiful. heart wings
southmiami
Ending a relationship knowing you are still in love with that person can be very hard, sometimes our emotions grab us and we can't keep our unhappiness under our skin until you need to bring it up to the surface.
But love has to be both ways in a couple and being able to perceive it mutually.When you lack of this it's over, no reason to be together because of children, security or the simple fact of being alone again.
It takes courage to accept the reality and move on.
Breaking up is definetly a painful experience, but it’s not an empty pain, it’s a pain that promises something better , but when it finally stops I think it will be left with something beautiful. heart wings
Antigone
When we were born we didn't come attached to another person (Siamese twins excluded)and it's not "love" to deliberately cause someone pain or allow someone to cause you pain - in the name of "love".

Why make disingenuous statements like: ... "I'm not the person you deserve in your life"? By inference you're saying "you're not the person I deserve in my life". Why blame? What if you like the person but you're not in love and vice versa.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "All life is an experiment". I would add that "all life is an experience to be lived". And while we live we should be kind to one another and treat one another as we would like to be treated.
couscous
This is more or less how i ended my marrage, there was no one else, no fighting, i had just come to the realisation that i wasnt in love with her anymore. We have remained friends and we get on better too. We are accepting of each others desire to move on and be happy.
Sandra102
This blog is very powerful.........

yes sometimes the signs is there for us to that the best reason to end the relationship,but our heart says no
however we have to let common sense abound.
it not a easy road
but jus picture it as it is worth it
daisy803
just want to say thanks...i used to think it's hard to be alone again.but then again, i deserve to be happy so i have to let go.it's not worth sacrificing yourself for others who don't recognizes you!and the things you do for them.
love your self first and the rest will follow.

xxx daisy
RougeHomme
and what if your head say's it is over and your heart does not?
ihateusernames
I view ending relationships on a case by case basis

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