Politics Defined
It is important to your survival to understand the political model of the country you live in. Knowing how your government functions can greatly help you to adapt to circumstances. Here below I have summarised the way I see politics in simple layman’s terms.Anarchy:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours will kill you and take the cows.
Military Dictatorship:
You have two cows. The state takes both of them and shoots you.
Bureaucracy:
You have two cows. The state takes both of them and accidentally kills one. The milk goes bad before it can be distributed.
Socialism:
You have two cows. The state takes one and gives it to someone else.
Fascism:
You have two cows. The state takes both of them and sells you the milk. The cream is declared the property of the state and rots in the warehouses.
Communism:
You have two cows. The state takes both of them and gives you the milk after the cream was siphoned off and distributed amongst the politburo.
Capitalism:
You have two cows. You borrow money to buy a bull. The State takes half the calves in the form of taxation.
Pure Democracy:
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide what happens to the milk.
Representative Democracy:
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to decide what happens to the milk.
African Democracy:
(This is the political model of the country I live in)
You have two cows. The state takes both of them in the form of taxation. One disappears en route. The cream is siphoned off by corrupt officials and the milk is stolen before it can be converted to cash. A public inquiry can find no irregularities.
American Democracy:
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair as "The Cowgate Scandal".
You do not need to thank me for this valuable advice. I do it in the interest of a better informed way of living.
Please don't blame me if you cannot find your country's political model here. I cannot help it if the little voices only talk to me.
Comments (30)
and the 'Fuhrer' almost forgot 'Stalin'
Oh, I was going to include them, but the little voices said that I should not do something like that as it may lead to reprisals. And I always listen to the little voices.
Hi Ummka,
Very funny. Almost like our tax system.
Only four questions on our tax return forms
1) How much did you earn?
2) How much tax did you pay?
3) How much do you have left for yourself?
4) Why do you have anything left?
Over here we are born free and then taxed to death.
As for myself, I'm glad to be back and I apprecite your words of encouragement.
How about Bankruptcy in the U.S.
By the way, I always hear voices but their not little voices
By the way, the Euro is currently trading for ZAR 13.5388 while the the US$ trades for ZAR 9.98
When I was a child there were 75 of our cents to the US$
Our finance ministers of the last 20 years must certainly qualify for a Nobel prize in chemistry. Collectively they have converted the Rand into a ball of shìt.
Do you think they care about the cows and what the governments do with them?
They are just laughing their heads off to see what mess we are in
"... suspect you'd have to do some serious palm greasing to get a position like that..."
I suppose so, but you are as good looking as Zapatero. You never know your luck.
Anyway, I'll just follow my voices and leave this planet
I'll be watching you all from above
Hmm, I'm sure any alien civilisation looking at us will write us off as being insane. And I suppose sometimes have a good laugh; especially when they listen to our politicains.
I just wonder now, maybe cows will be a better currency. I mean I understand that cigarettes is the currency in our jails and those guys don't need to take out calculators to work out an exchange rate.
this is the way the tax man works if they find out you have a little extra they well take and take until you dont have enough lift for your self so if i ever get another cow i well hide the darn thing
Yep, still a formidable amount in any currency. Sentences like this reminds me of a court case we had over here in the seventies. I don’t remember any detail but the fella was sentenced to altogether 400 years imprisonment and got the death penalty several times. How on earth do you execute all those sentences?
Our jails are so full that the president has to pardon some inmates to make place for the new prisoners. Six months later they're all back in again.
I suppose you could sell the idea to your neigbors that it is a new type of lawnmower. Esp so if you could paint it red or bright orange. At least it won't be a total lie.
i prefer the Swiss cows... they produce white chocolate !!
right now, we dont have the right to have any cows... they belong to a private equity group !!
Are we still allowed to own anything?
I only think of it now. This will cause major catastrophe in Africa. Cattle are the only currency (Labola) when buying a wife. Even today in the cities the price of a wife is calculated at so many cows.
Hi JeanKimberley
Real cute.
I should have consulted you prior to posting this blog. Your contribution could only have added value to the blog. I wonder why some people took this blog somewhat serious.