Last Edited Humor Poems (50)

cambridge on a sunny morn
a professor deep in thought
a quasi quantum quandary
his mind now overwrought

now the kernel of dilemma
the cause of his unease?
with fish and chips for dinner..
should I go with mushy peas?

symbiotic clarity
coupled with his fate
yet the "mushyness" of peas
was abhorrent to his plate

order over chaos
his findings quite profound
yet a theorist
must work backwards
to a premis pure and sound

he expressed it as a formula
elegant in tone
he wrote it on a post-it note
and hung it by the phone

twenty minutes later
his mobile broke the breeze
and a tired gruff glaswegian cried:
" I canna read Chinese!"

Well I'm in love with little April
but May just down the road
yeah I'm in love with little April
but May just down the road
pretty soon I'll be in to June
and the others don't need to know

Worn habits to break
Elevate through sweats and ache
Spring arrived to awake


A drop of sunshine
Is brewing in bubbling brine
Dandelion wine


A school of sardines
Swam in sync into a tin
Sardines of my dreams

Online dating is the way
Or so my friends they did say
Post a picture and some words
Then wait to hear from some birds

So then I did as I was told
And waited for things to unfold
Nobody said it was a slim chance
To have a lady to take to a dance

I waited and waited for a first date
When I would get a chance to rate
Someone called “Just a tee shirt”
Sent to me a timely flirt

Stunned I read the incoming flirt
”I like your profile" signed the ‘Tee Shirt.”
I clicked on her profile hoping to see
The girl who I thought was going to be

The girl I had gracefully holding my arm
As I entered a room to show off her charm
Watching the men wipe off their chin
And the women lose their smug grin.

So how could I know every part of her profile
Made up with such elegant style
Was going to be only a ruse
To find lonely men that she could abuse

The message was there, the message did say
So I followed the link to the message that day
‘You are so cute I want you to know’ the message did say
And my heart pounded my chest so hard on that day

“Call me.” I typed hoping to see
A message returned asking for me
To text her to arrange a first meet
Where I would get to finally greet

The love of my life this glorious day
She responded “I am sorry to say
I have to travel abroad this day
Can we please meet some other day?"

"Of course" I said not stopping to see
If she might just be lying to me
Finding a way to get me to give
All of my money I had left to live

I waited and waited for her to come home
When at last she did call me on her cell phone
The accent was wrong it’s not what she said
Asian somehow isn’t Aussie I said.

She hung up the phone without a goodbye
Startled I think that I was so sly
To catch that small error to end her coy ploy
I might be a fool but I’m nobody’s toy.

The world keeps spinning round and round
Always moving never stopping
Dancing to the universal sound
Through our galaxy we are sailing

Stars and star ships dreams do make
Wondrous adventures for our minds
As we gaze upon the stars and remake
Dreams from memories of mankind

Stars are dancing night on night
Blinking, winking keeping time
While we marvel at this sight
With no thoughts of the end of time

Or of this dance we dance from birth
Again and again since time began
Upon this stage that we call earth
Playing our part in a well-made plan

This dance we do again each day
Danced by mankind through the ages
Never changes it's the same each day
Taught to all by strange mages

As new dancers take their turn
And learn life's steps anew each day
Often graceful often clumsy yet they learn
Those new steps to their own play

The world keeps spinning round and round
Always changing never stopping
Dancing to a brand new sound
Through the ages, ever playing

Let your Love Shine!
It's Time!

Loves time
Opportunities of Grace
space Interactions:

Grandmas
Are
Just
Antique little girls!
They still love
Ribbons roses
And pretty little things
To Jump & Dance for Joy!
To let their Love Shine
Is to be close to the Divine!
To touch the hem
Of Christs' Garment Divine!
Let your Love Shine!
Be it the beat of the drums
The keys on a piano
The strings on a cello!
Songs Lyrics in your Soul

Love lets
The little kid
In you
Come out & Play

With creativity time
Sharing, Caring,
Living, loving, Learning
Daily by the minute
Make the most of your precious moments
Never take them for granted
The space Dear
That moment
Between heaven & earth
Where the angels
Visit Divine
Shine
The thin line of the Gossamer web
To entertain the Christ unawares

Story time
Precious time with a child
Be kind unwind
thoughtful time
Be it crayons stories
Arts and crafts paper
Paint games math sports
Music arts plays concerts
Quality one on one attention
Unconditional unselfish
True interaction
Swimming

Individuality is where we All
Need to Shine
With the Divine
Angels for mankind
To inspire the human Race
With thoughts of
David Sophia & Carolina
Hands & Thoughts
That Intertwine
Be it love hugs sewing
Teamwork in the kitchen

Without individuality there is no creativity to Enlighten
The soul to shine
for Gods intended purpose
Evil attempts & tries to nip a bud from blossoming
To dominate control
To wither dry up droop
Separate divide
Drop from the mother vine
The security of her Grace
The shade of Love
But Love will
Always win the race

Evil can never stop
Gods creation
Like Jesus Christ
# 1 Best seller
for over 2000 years
You can try to torture him,
Murder him
And burn all the Bible's
On Earth
But humanity will find a way to read it & share it
For it heals & gives peace

Loves
Yarn spinning in sync.
In rhythm designing warmth
In a hugging winter hat

music singing
Harmony complimenting
Melody
Love reflecting Love
Dreams of peaceful
Loving
Times
Of Grace
&
Thoughtfulness
Of Peace on Earth
Goodwill to
Men & Women
Mankind
Compassion
Love is All there is!
Peace should be our only Goal!
Giving someone
Our undivided attention
Be it man woman child
Compassion to a Grandmother
Adult or Child
Make the time
Take the time
The human race
depends on it
Thrives on it
Excels shines rejuvenates
Inspires heals lifts up
Elevates

Bathed in Beauty and light (MBE)
The cultivation of your children
Is more important than the cultivation of your garden (MBE)

Set down those cell phones
Turn off those devices
Love is not defined
By a phone glued to your ear
Or fingers to a lap top

Dare you
double triple dare u
Shut them off
Phones computers lap top
Return to the old fashioned
Ways in your home heart love hugs kisses kitchen

Wrap your arms around her waist when she's washing
Dishes at the kitchen sink
She's just prepared a
Lovely meal for you!

Snuggle
Kiss her cheek
Nibble on her neck
Kiss under the mistletoe

Wear your apron
Use those hands hugs kisses love
Give of your hearts willingly
Freely
No greater Joy
Than to share give smile
Grin laugh giggle
Smirk with contentment
Sending loving smirks
Of contentment
Back & forth!
Gestures of Loves
Non verbal communication
Appreciation
Admiration
Respect!

Homemade bread from human hands
Not bread-makers
The difference
Between night & day
Love the most important
Ingredient!

Seasons Greetings
December 2019
Lovingly

Rachael_0622

I haven't really ignored your request, I just forget to click. I could most likely beat you if I did. I play a lot everyday but I find more pleasure playing in the kitchen with pots and pans, measuring cups, herbs and spices with a bite!

Or in the garden playing with plants, seeds or even weeds! Digging, planting, watching, waiting for them to flower and bear fruit,...picking them with joy; this gives me lots of pleasure..even if I end up giving them away.

Otherwise I play with the dog... pretend chasing him or being chased, telling him I hate it when he drools in front of me enjoying my afternoon tea:-) To feel the grass and the ray of sunshine touch my skin is most effective,cheap therapy.

The only game I do I don't really like doing is called "ironing". Who wants a horse that doesn't move and makes you suffer with heat like you're being cooked? Never liked it even as a child but I do it because hey...cotton feels nice but feels much nicer when it's ironed right!.

I wonder what ingredients a poet chops
Or secret spices for poems to dish out
I looked inside his pot to see if I can spot
Secret recipe, stuffs he mixes for poems that's top

First I saw blank canvasses in sizes, shapes and colours vast
Big and small, dark and bright, narrow and wide, just as right
Jumping all over inside, in colours dark and bright
"Original ideas" inspired by things and events in life

A trigger comes that grabs a poet's mind to squeal
A thing of beauty or a beast that catches and appeals
Velvety feel on skin, aroma that floats like a dream
Or a voice so sweet awakening sleepy spirit deep within

The poet thus begins mixing some potent words
Born from images flashed in his mind's valleys and fiords
Stirred passionately together with sentimental flavours
Folded, baked with emotion; then peppered with truth or flair!


Sir, would you prefer coffee or tea with that? Or just rhymes?

Well I took a heavy spill
and I royally broke
a part of my head
I wrote off my motorcycle
and I spent three months
in a bed

well she was gonna be my bike
I was gonna be her man
but a truck got between us
and it quickly put an end to my plan

oh Honda you look so fine
you got less torque
but I don't wanna die
so help me honda
help me get her outta my mind..

help me honda
help help me honda
help me honda
help help me honda
help me honda
help help me honda

Help me honda.. yah
get her outta my heart

Days upon days the rain lashed down
Drowning my beautiful flowers crowns

The grasses have grown knee high
Seemingly trying to reach the sky's

Knowingly stepping out
I will feel the rains clout

The birds are hiding in the trees
Me, walking in puddles up to my knees

What more can I say
Will I be washed away?

Nope I have a big tin tray at the ready
And a paddle to keep me steady

An adventure, or pain in the ash
Splashing down again, sorry must dash

OH NO! the tray and paddle have gone astray
Down the street I see them sway

Wait! I yell you've set off too soon
I laugh now the rain is in a swoon

Well now to end my tale
I've bought a boat with a sail