Last Edited Humor Poems (50)

I once had a bag of monkeys
They were mostly well behaved
Until - one day - I took them to the racetrack
(Where quite a few of them escaped!)

One of them he
Went up a tree
And would not come down again
I waited for a long time
Until I could wait no longer
And I had to walk away

Another got onto a stable roof
And sat there taunting me
Then disappeared out of sight
(I heard him laugh with glee)

Then yet another
(Encouraged by the others)
Leaped from the sack
And made good his getaway

He jumped onto an old man's hat
And from there to a penciller's shoulder
Then hid inside a bookie's bag
(This only made him bolder)

(There were only a few left now
And they wanted to join their troupe)

"No way" (I said) "Settle down
That's enough mischief for today"
"Please" (they said) "Now let us out -
For we only want to play!"

"Maybe" (I said)
"But It seems that I
Cannot trust you lot at all-
Based on what I've seen today"

"Besides you've set my nerves on edge,
So now I need a beer -
(And by the way, am I the only one,
Who's thinking clearly here?")

"Fair enough" - the monkeys said
(As I took them to the bar)
"But can we have a drink as well-
As we have come this far?"

"It would seem fair" (I said to them)
"But you must be well behaved"
"We'll all be good" (they said to me)
"We will not act depraved"

"OK" (I said) "Then I'll let you out-
Though you'll all
Have to settle down -
And only two at a time"

"For two is company
And threes a crowd
(As you lot well know)
So come and gather round"

Cautiously I opened the bag
And let the first two monkeys out
Then cheekily (one said to me)
"I think it is your shout"

"Water for you two only" ( I told them)
"You're bad enough as it is -
And if you don't entirely mind
Sit there and mind your biz"

No sooner had they got their drinks
Then one it jumped the bar!
He grabbed a bottle of champagne
And poured it in a jar

Of course I tried to stop him quick
But soon he drank the lot
Then he smashed all of the glasses
And started throwing sh*t!

Well security - they threw him out,
And he wound up in the car park
(That was the last I saw of him -
Even though I sent a scout)

The other one sat on his bar stool
And quietly sipped his water
Then all of a sudden he jumped up
And stole a lady's fascinator!

He put the thing on his head
And then ran round and round
Then he was off and on the track
(They could not pin him down)

Now embarrassed I sat quiet
And stared into my beer
Then I said to the last one in the bag
"Why on Earth did I bring you here?"

The last monkey in the bag
Well, then he said to me:
"I cannot vouch for my friends-
So can you please now set me free?"

"Sure," I said "Your welcome now-
And trouble I can do without"
With that, I upended the bag
And that last monkey - he jumped out!

(Moral of the story?):
Don't take too many monkeys to the racetrack.


© lovecanbereal
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"World's Head Honchos Playing Hide-n-Seek!"

Oh, look, what do I spy on the horizon, so sleek?
It seems the world's head honchos are playing hide-n-seek!
They hide behind curtains of power, grinning ear to ear,
Delighting in the grand theater we've come to hold dear.

Who's that behind the UN's tree, somewhat shy?
Could it be the Secretary-General, playing the sly guy?
He laughs cautiously, controlling the world's pulse,
But can't resist the game, deep into which he's immersed!

Hear that, what's that noise? A whisper from NATO's fort!
The game entices even the strongest, no matter their sort.
With each resolution, each pact, they hide a smile,
Ah, this game promises to be quite worthwhile!

There, behind WHO's shield, can you see that playful shadow?
In the battle for global health, there's a boss echoing a meadow,
A song to this jolly game, though it seems unorthodox,
Indeed, this cosmic hide-n-seek has us all in a paradox!

From the IMF's headquarters, the echo of laughter thunders,
Despite economic crises, here no one blunders.
They play hide-n-seek with coins, such a clever game!
Truly, this is a play filled with much acclaim!

But let's not deceive ourselves, not all is fun and laughter,
This hide-n-seek of the powerful can have its own disaster.
Every round plays with destinies, each turn a nation,
And though the game is comical, we cannot ignore its equation.

Oh, world's head honchos, in your power seats hidden,
Could we, perhaps, ask for a game less midden?
We could play at building, creating, and sharing,
Together, making this world a better place for living.

Well now…

If the plural of mouse is mice,

And the plural of louse is lice,

Then how could it not possibly be

That the plural of spouse is spice?

Why is it then the rule doesn’t

Also apply to house or to douse?

Nor even grouse, rouse or souse?

Nor even, for that matter, youse?

I,m going around in circles in my mind
Reminiscing, I found is blocking the bad
and reliving the fun.
Did i do that? Oh yes i did.
I was so young without fear nor cares.
But time goes forward and taught me
life is not always fair.
Now my circle is nearly complete
I leap over all the bad
to the child i was.
Re-living the dares, yes
a bit of drunkenness too.
I rock in my chair with tears, but of laughter
at the daring reckless girl i was.
I am going back there for sure.
Happy laughing, reckless, no fear.
What a way to start and now end
Opening the door and reliving those times again

Dont do to others
what they done to you...
coz you will hurt another
And it comes Back to you!
Noone says it is easy,
but with a heart like yours,
it is not so hard either.
Be wiser ,not foolish ,
Be forgiving ,not Selfish,
Your talent is your gift,
Now is time to give others a lift.
Forgive and let it go,
It is time for you to spread your wings and show.


If we lived by this poem,
Mcradloff thinks this world will be at peace!
After reading this poem paloma agrees,
And says it is sound advise to me.
Odette from england is all smiles with compassion.
Because We all must learn to let go and forgive,
Jena find her freedom her love,
All silver pink purple wings and fly away.

If Superman was fat,
Who would he be?
Maybe a pizza guy,
Or someone like me.

If Superman was sad,
How can we cheer him up?
Maybe bring a circus clown,
Or Morgan special brew tea in a cup.

If Superman was mad,
Who can save us from him?
Can we bring in Danny Davito,
Or me in my kryptonite spandex.

If Superman was a dad,
Won't have time to save the world,
With changing diapers and feeding,
Super babies in his pyjamas.

There is me... and only me...
In this world of poetry,
In the crystal fairy tale of life
I am the brightest star.
The ground is slipping from under my feet
The stars are spinning in time with the breath ...
The stream of my words is flowing,
Massaging my inflated ego .
My soul is flying with delight
In the clouds.
Unplayed love motive
Gives birth to my poems...
Ah ,I love myself so much
Always –
There are no other important words
For now ...
Like a mosaic of feelings
Through the years
I will write down my name in the dawns

And the cost of living is rising faster than the tide,
We have no control, just along for the ride,
I can’t go on holiday, I can’t go away, I can’t be there, and
I can’t afford to stay,
Foreign interference makes life a misery, for all of you,
And all of me too!

The art of communication has changed, rearranged, instead of "I said", its now, "I was like" instead of " I said back" it's "I turned around and said", so they are constantly turning around (for no reason) being like something (for no reason) and THEY are going to be the leaders of our world? No rhyme, no time, its all gonna be over soon.

It's getting late, I must go
I had a beer where did it go
I had to pee. I know it's here.
Can't find my keys, where's my shoes.
I gotta go take another pee.
telephone rings, where's my phone!
under the cushions, I find a dime
I know this don't rhyme.
I found a beer is this mine?
taste like lipstick, can't throw it out.
Where's my keys, I gotta take a pee.
Found a pair of shoes they're bigger then me.
It's getting late, I can't escape.
I want my coat, In case I croak