There is a great diffence between giving constructive advice, or even critism (especially if the thread topic asks for it), and being opening aggressive and nasty.
The forum is a microcosm of life; everyone has their opinion and are right in giving it.
It all comes down to HOW you give it. Comments, even critical ones, can be given in a mannerly way.
We are all adults here, and we know in our hearts if we are deliberately trying to start a fight, or just try and offer friendly critisism, lets face it.. We can also see when someone is being openly aggressive, and as adults, we should be able to ignore or avoid them.
I dont really know you, Doc, but I am very sorry to hear of your illness and wish you all the luck in the world..
Perhaps hearing about something as serious and worrying as this will encourage people to realise that life is short, and perhaps to get their heads out of their rear ends and get on and enjoy it rather than worrying and stressing about relatively unimportant things..
Depends what is meant by "looking" in this thread?
If I was with someone, I certainly wouldnt be actively seeking someone else, of course not. My relationship is sacrosanct.
Looking, as regards causually noticing people in the street and in a bar, well, of course you will. The world does not rid itself of other attractive people just because you are in a relationship.
There are always going to be other attractive people in the world, and of course you are going to look. Its the way you look that matters; if you are letching, then thats probably a little dodgy, but if you are simply appreciating beauty, or handsomeness, then it is just like appreciating beauty in art or similar..
I would be honoured if another lady found my man attractive enough to look at. I wouldnt be threatened; he's coming home with ME!
If being on this site whilst I was with someone caused a problem, I would firstly find out WHY there was a problem, and then go from there. The first obvious thing to do would be to change your profile, to say you are attached, and just looking for friends on the forums. If my partner still didnt like it, then I would have to really find out whether it was his insecurity or controlling nature that was behind it. If so, that would ring alarm bells in the relationship in general.
As always, TRUST is the biggest issue. Without it, there is absolutely zippo...
There is alot of difference between obtaining justice, and taking hot blooded revenge for the sake of it.
If someone has scorned you, and you feel upset and hurt and irrational, then to take revenge on that person would just prolong the agony for yourself.
If someone has committed a felony, or has acted in a way that provokes a dangerous situation, then go through the PROPER channels, as Hope did, and use the system.
Two very different scenarios. One is self-harming, the other is empowering.
The line between self gratifying revenge and obtaining justice is easily blurred.
I just find it an interesting concept; how our individual experiences change our perceptions, quite often in a damaging way..
We can all look at the same post, for example, and have very varied responses to it, even though everyone is being asked the same question sometimes..People's past experiences show through in their manner of response quite clearly sometimes..
I find it sad that sometimes our perception shows us not what actually IS there, but what we THINK is there..It stops us seeing the good things in life sometimes, and that is such a waste..
Taking revenge is a waste of time. It can end up sapping your own energy and just circulates negativity.
Yes, Ive been tempted in the past, but it cures nothing, and I realised that I would be lowering myself to someone else's level if I let myself go through with the act.
Id rather feel good about myself, and surround myself with positive thoughts to enrich my own life than to be worrying about how to "get someone back"..
I came across this quote today, and thought it was worth a thread topic.
To me, it basically means, how you perceive the world and other people affects your judgement a great deal.
I thought it was relevant to put up here, as I see and hear so many posters who sound bitter and who seem to have prejudged other people and are unaware that most of this prejudgement stems from their own perceptions..
"To the fearful eye, all is threatening...
To the greedy eye, everything can be possessed...
To the judgmental eye, everything is closed in definitive frames...
To the resentful eye, everything is begrudged.
To the indifferent eye, nothing calls or awakens...
To the inferior eye, every else is greater...
To the loving eye, everything is real..."
Perhaps it is worth considering how our past hurts and experiences, good or bad, have affected our view on other people as potential partners..
I used to shy away from the thought of a LDR, but now, I have changed my mind. I think it almost makes the foundation of the relationship stronger, than if you are close in distance.
Its a true test of trust, good communication and mutual respect.
petalbabe Forum Posts (3,101)
RE: Say Something, Anything....but be NICE
Hi Polar!!
Yeah, seems so!!
Perhaps I should be just Petal, dunno...
Hope you are good, anyway, lady..