I wanted to be a Boy Scout when I was younger, but I had all the wrong traits. They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Whereas I tended to be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, cowardly, dirty, and sacrilegious.
Since coffee has been established as "the default" and diet is nothing more than "DIE" with a T, I'd guess my favorite drink is Apple Pie.
Yep, you read right - Apple Pie! And since I'm such a wonderful guy ( ) I'll share the recipe:
In a two gallon container (hey, you wanna' make enough to share!) combine the following:
1 5th (or 750ml) Captain Morgan spiced rum
1 pint Cinnamon Schnapps (of your choice)
1 pint Apple Schnapps (again, use your brand of choice - I prefer Apple Barrel by Dekuyper)
Fill the remainder with apple cider and top off with just a pinch of nutmeg. Shake slightly to marry the ingredients, then cap or cork loosely and store in a cool, dark place. It can be consumed immediately, but the longer it sits, the smoother it gets.
Tastes great over ice or warmed slightly over a campfire. Best when shared with friends in moderation.
I posted this on "Dear Dave's Problem Page," but it occured to me that maybe someone beside's Dave would have an opinion on it. I will happily take any and all feed back!
Dear Dave:
My ex friends all say that I have a problem with practical jokes and I don’t think I do.
For instance, I discovered that my ex-friend, “Ronny” used dandruff shampoo which looked and smelled exactly like the blueberry cream cheese spread that his wife used on her bagels. (Evidently it does NOT taste the way it looks.) (Nor does the blueberry stuff cure dandruff...)
One other time, knowing my ex-preacher's fondness for my ex-wife's brownies, I slipped a little bit of ex-lax into the batch she was preparing for the church social. Well, when he started preaching later, he made the mistake of being "rather active" with his sermon.... (Let's just say that it was a good thing that he was wearing a brown suit that day...)
On yet another occasion, while on a camping trip with my ex-friend “Bill,” I tossed a short length of rope into his lap and hollered “SNAKE!!!!” When “Bill” extricated himself from the limbs of the tree he’d been dozing under, he said that I needed to “At least try something original, for a change!” So, a few hours later, I caught a garter snake and tossed it into his lap and hollered “ROPE!!!!” thinking that he would appreciate my originality. (I don’t know if he did or not – I haven’t seen him since.)
There are many other examples which I could mention, but I think you get the idea. So I guess my question is this: Do I indeed have a problem with practical jokes, or I have just finally gotten them down to a science?
My ex friends all say that I have a problem with practical jokes and I don’t think I do.
For instance, I discovered that my ex-friend, “Ronny” used dandruff shampoo which looked and smelled exactly like the blueberry cream cheese spread that his wife used on her bagels. (Evidently it does NOT taste the way it looks.) (Nor does the blueberry stuff cure dandruff...)
One other time, knowing my ex-preacher's fondness for my ex-wife's brownies, I slipped a little bit of ex-lax into the batch she was preparing for the church social. Well, when he started preaching later, he made the mistake of being "rather active" with his sermon.... (Let's just say that it was a good thing that he was wearing a brown suit that day...)
On yet another occasion, while on a camping trip with my ex-friend “Bill,” I tossed a short length of rope into his lap and hollered “SNAKE!!!!” When “Bill” extricated himself from the limbs of the tree he’d been dozing under, he said that I needed to “At least try something original, for a change!” So, a few hours later, I caught a garter snake and tossed it into his lap and hollered “ROPE!!!!” thinking that he would appreciate my originality. (I don’t know if he did or not – I haven’t seen him since.)
There are many other examples which I could mention, but I think you get the idea. So I guess my question is this: Do I indeed have a problem with practical jokes, or I have just finally gotten them down to a science?
If one picture is worth ten thousand words, then one twenty-five-hundredth of a picture should be worth four words.
And if Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand ships, and a picture is worth ten thousand words, doesn't that mean that one picture of Helen's face should be worth ten million ships?
And if the night has a thousand eyes, and getting there is half the fun, then getting there at night would require five hundred eyes.
And if getting there is half the fun, and half a loaf is better than none, would getting halfway there with a whole loaf be more or less fun?
And if half a loaf is better than none, the night has a thousand eyes, a picture is worth ten thousand words, getting there is half the fun and Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand ships, then in a picture taken at night from from a ship that is halfway there, how much fun would Helen be having if she were holding a full loaf? And could you see it in her eyes?
Ok, now suppose Helen of Troy lived in a halfway house....
I must admit that I like smoking - In fact, you might say that I'm addicted to it. The problem is when it comes to extinguishing myself; I've tried water, baking soda and fire extinguishers and once even had a perfect stranger run up, throw a blanket over me and roll me on the ground (I divorced her 7 years later!). There are times when I've had to tell people "Leave me alone! I'm not on fire, just smoking!"
Wasn't witnessed today, but it has always stayed with me. It was a sunset years ago on Tennessee mountain in Colorado. Back then, I never dreamed that one day I'd be living in Tennessee and telling the one I love about the Colorado mountains.
The poem I wrote about that evening still comes to mind as easily as the images:
"Sunset at Tennesse Mountain Cabin" ( (c) 1980 Don McCrary)
I sat on the porch this evening, A glass of beer in my hand And the twilight fall Softly upon the land.
I am greatly awed by the view I have Of mountains, trees and sky. And a small grove of quaking Aspen Where deer often amble by.
The colors are beyond description; Salmon, peach and blue. And spun gold just beneath the clouds Where the last rays of sun are shining through.
The animals are coming out now, As the sun is softly falling. And somewhere down the valley, A great Horned owl is calling.
I sat on the porch this evening - The beer glass empty in my hand. And watched a Tennessee mountain sunset And Lord, but it sure was grand!
The_Kansan Forum Posts (3,395)
) I'll share the recipe:
)
)
RE: Dear Dave`s Problem Page..........
Dear Dave:I wanted to be a Boy Scout when I was younger, but I had all the wrong traits. They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Whereas I tended to be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, cowardly, dirty, and sacrilegious.
Is there any hope for me?
Boy Scout Wannabe