If you’re ever pulled over for speeding (or any other reason really), you probably shouldn’t say any of the following to the officer standing at your window…
I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, so long as one of us does. Gee, Officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That’s how far ahead of me they are. Hey pal, I pay your salary! Aren’t you the guy from the Village People? Hey, you must’ve been doing’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you? When the Officer says “Gee Son….Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” You probably shouldn’t respond with, “Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with '!' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' _________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. ___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher
Yes things have greatly changed in the department of love. I don't think we can can it back either. Too much has changed and not all for the better. I grew up without a phone, refridgerator, oven, no Tv. and no computor. You know something I am very glad I did! We kids made up our own games we did not have Toys R Us. Buttons and matchboxes had to do. Al the games we played outside. Something different for different seasons. Eccept for progress in the medical fiels I even think I was born to late. Yes romance and all it entails has changed a lot. But today is today and what can we do but to accept it? Try it least to determine that You for yourself will try to put some romance back.
I know how you feel; "all singles have joined the club no one wants to join" It seems to me that it does not matter how old or young someone is either.
(I didn't write this, but I couldn't resist not sharing it with you all.)
God Talks to St. Francis: GOD: Frank , you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world isgoing on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS : Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS : Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it--sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS : Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS : No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS : Yes, Sir
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for ustonight?
ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a story about....
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened: A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose.
As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl.
A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her.
This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful.
I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?"
The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!"
It's not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive.
A heart warming story...........The girl with the rose.....................part one............ Posted: Aug 5, 2008, 4:21 PM PST
Whom do you Love? a lovely heartwarming story....
John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II.
During the next year and one-month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A Romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like.
When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel." So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen.
I wonder if this remark; Speak our language or go home", is not taken out of context; Was this not meant for the Mexican people coming to the States iligali?
Also there was a fear that the American anthem was going to become translated in Spanish to make the Mexicans happy. ???
Was this not the reason for the above remark?
I speak, Dutch, also a dialict that only those in the North can understand, English, understand a lot of S. Africani. Some German.
hollandgirl Forum Posts (4,464)
It is best to never say this to a cop.........lol................
If you’re ever pulled over for speeding (or any other reason really), you probably shouldn’t say any of the following to the officer standing at your window…I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, so long as one of us does.
Gee, Officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That’s how far ahead of me they are.
Hey pal, I pay your salary!
Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must’ve been doing’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?
When the Officer says “Gee Son….Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” You probably shouldn’t respond with, “Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”