JimNastics Forum Posts (731)

RE: The Bar Is Open...............It Is Always Ladies Night..............

Hey Des !
Just popped in to say hi.
I hope you're doing excellent.

Did you hear that they FINALLY operated on Reyes ?

RE: Dead Parrot's Society.

Cleese was also terrific in Fawlty Towers.

My favorite MP skits include;

#1) The argument clinic
#2) The world's funniest joke
#3) The minister of silly walks
#4) The fish slapping dance
#5) The twit race
#6) Philosopher soccer
#7) Hell's grannies

In addition The movie 'The Life of Brian" was absolutely brilliant
and The Holy Grail certainly had its funny moments too !

"and now for something completely different.."

RE: just some jokes I made up

"Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt" - Abraham Lincoln

RE: just some jokes I made up

Yeah, I've heard the second one before.

RE: Death penalty for Politicians ?

How about public floggings by the people who voted for them ?

RE: i'm looking for a LTR in socal

Um... your profile says that you are a 35 year old WOMAN.
Maybe that might have something to do with it.

RE: If a potential woman/man smokes on a date is it a turn off?

A long time ago, I made the mistake of dating a smoker - NEVER again !
'To each their own', and that includes me.
We ALL have a right to be selective and decide which criteria are important to us.
I would rather be alone, than date a smoker.

RE: Who is the most famous person in the world today and why?

Claudia Shiffer
Do I really have to explain why ?

RE: your favourite cartoon when you were a kid

The Jetsons !

RE: What's your favorite place to go to in jersey?

Be sure to visit Bowman's tower during the peak of the foliage change. It is VERY close to Washington's Crossing on the PA side, just north of it.

RE: Happy Birthday Sweetowen

May all your good birthday wishes (and even a few of the naughty ones) come true.

RE: Happy Birthday for Amahlala

May your birthday be full of great surprises and may your birthday wish come true.

RE: do you believe in ghosts?

I truly believe that some people don't have a ghost of a chance.

RE: Love is found on CS!

Congratulations & good luck to you both !

RE: What is your favorite feature in a guy? (FOR GIRLS ONLY)

A lot of women answered "butt" because that includes his wallet.

RE: Are you in love with anyone here, CS ?

Congratulations Tina !

RE: Is anyone getting tired of polls ...or is it just me?

In my opinion they should exist for those who like them, but should automatically sort to a thread category for polls only and not be in other threads.

And yes, people who aren't Polish can participate in them.

Actual Crime Morons

Mega Crime Morons!

MEGA MORON #1
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]

MEGA MORON #2
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.


MEGA MORON #3
Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on video tape.

MEGA MORON #4
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied "Yes Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

MEGA MORON #5
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

MEGA MORON #6
And 5 Star Stupidity Award Winner!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

RE: NEW JERSEY.....

One of the things I like about NJ is the tremendous diversity.
We are not far from the mountains, the ocean, NYC, Philly, AC, pine barrens, rivers, lakes, great food, farms, wilderness, entertainment, and culture. It's all within about an hour ride. When I travel (often to other great places), I often miss one thing or another about NJ

RE: Profiles without pix.

I would respond to a person without a picture,
but certainly wouldn't even consider them for anything
more than friendship.

RE: I am single because...

I am single because I'm not married.

Movie Review - Yes Man

They CERTAINLY should allow all women to simply say "yes"

Movie Review - Yes Man

Last night I watched a movie I had not previously seen. It stars Jim Carrey as a man who is emotionally damaged from the ending of a short term marriage. He has essentially shut himself off from society by simply ignoring friends and new experiences.

This changes however, when he accidently runs into an old friend, who recommends that he attend the seminar of a motivational speaker. The speaker challenges him by making a covenant that he says "Yes" to ALL things he encounters. Naturally, this often leads to not only funny uncomfortable situations, but even disasterous outcomes. However, he also discovers that this can lead to enjoyable adventures, the admiration of his boss & past wife and even a new romance. As he learns to become a bit more selective in using "yes", he re-discovers love and the joy of life itself.

I give the movie 7 stars out of 10 and well worth the rental. It was not quite as good as two of Carrey's previous excellent efforts; "Liar Liar" and "Bruce Almighty", but I would certainly rank it third best of all his movies. I recommend it. Let me know what you think of it, after you've seen it.

A farmer's tip

twas my pleasure.

Never grow old !

What is your favorite prank that either you did, or had done to you ???

Never grow old !

What pranks have you done lately ?

RE: I flattened your cat

Tact, was not his forte.

RE: Spelling

Good one Des !

Long wait to play golf

A priest, a doctor, a rich businessman and a guy from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The New Jerseyan fumed,
"What's with those jerks? We're waiting fifteen minutes between shots!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such sick golf!"

The businessman called out, "Move it, time is money!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him....'Excuse me, sir!'" said the priest, "What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything that he might be able to do for them."

The businessman replied, "I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!"

The New Jerseyan said, "Why the hell can't they play at night?"

We Joisey peoples nose wat we talkin' 'bout

You want to order WHAT ?!?!?

Hey ! The pictures are in the picture threads.
This one is for jokes & humor.