leostartingover Forum Posts (1,685)

YOU ARE WHAT YOU ALLOW

No hope for you darlin!

YOU ARE WHAT YOU ALLOW

I received this email and think it is great advice:

A story is told of a man who often felt insulted by people. He went to a very wise man and told him about his problem.

He said: "I am easily insulted by people and it really hurts me when people say bad things to me".

The wise man asked, "if someone gives you a gift and you don't accept the gift, who does the gift belong to?"

"Well", the wise man said, "if you don't accept the gift from the other person, who does it belong to?"

The man replied, "Obviously to the person who is giving it to me".

"There you go," said the wise man, "that's the answer. So if someone insults you and you do not accept the insult, who does it belong to?'

For us to be insulted, belittled, angered, wronged, we must accept it from the giver. The minute we accept it, it becomes ours, we own it and it becomes our stuff.

I know this is much easier said than done, but often people project their stuff on to us. If we accept it, it becomes our stuff. We are then offended, angered, wronged and so forth.

This is about choice and how we choose to allow the world and others to affect us. To live positive lives we need to think about the following:

People's opinion is actually just that, their opinion, we can take from it what we want and extract from it the good and let the rest go.

Often they mean well, which is beside the point. What you choose to accept, will influence your life.

You are what you consume!



Action:

Ask yourself : Do I consume a lot of negativity and insults?

Or

Do I reflect a lot of positivity and respect?


Your attitude reflects who you are...

RE: Do Your Standards Drop With Time?

Yes, I'm beginning to think the slower steadier flame lasts a lot longer!!!

RE: Do you think Harry Potter left a mark in this generation ?

Well, I've read all the books and seen all the movies. They're great, I've really enjoyed them! Have they left a mark? The youth seem to be very into fads these days, and they change with the wind. So, I guess only time will tell....

RE: Do Your Standards Drop With Time?

Good question. Yes, I think my needs have changed. I think when I was younger I was more drawn to great looking, fun, hunky guys who were slightly wicked and unattainable. It was a challenge for me to try to 'tame' them I guess! Usually there was HUGE chemistry to begin with, which generally burnt out quickly!

These days I would like more of an intellectual equal, nice looking but doesn't have to be a stunner, kind, funny, tolerant, compassionate, a good friend. Obviously there needs to be a spark, but I am learning that a small spark can actually start a fire that burns more steadily and for a longer period...

RE: What is you most favorite book & why?

JS, I will have to get hold of a copy! I love finding out about new books I haven't read that other people find meaningful...

I cannot tell you one favourite because I have MANY. Some of my favourites ever are:

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Beach Music and Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy
Birdy, Dad and Tiger by William Wharton
Mao's Last Dance
Out of Africa by Isak Dinesen
The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay

All wonderful reads.... I have always loved reading!

RE: What is you most favorite book & why?

Silly billy!

RE: Songs stuck in your head for days

That is a LONG song to have in your head!!! I must admit, songs quite easily get stuck in my head but usually only a few lines or words or part of the melody... I looked it up and this is an excerpt what Google came up with - interesting:

Meera - What about those irritating songs that stay in your head no matter how hard you try to throw them out? You know the ones I mean!

Daniel - There’s a word for this. They’re called ‘earworms,’ like those little insects that burrows into your ear canal and you can’t get it out. They tend to be simple melodically and rhythmically. They tend to be the kinds of songs that the popular radio stations play and overplay. So they get stuck in there and you can’t get them out. Most people aren’t running around with Stravinsky in there, they’re running around with Who Let the Dogs Out or, what I’ve had stuck in my head for the last week which is, Crazy by Patsy Cline.

Meera - Crazy isn’t a bad song to get stuck in your head. I get far more annoying things like the Flintstone’s theme. Can you imagine how irritating that is? Playing like a broken record in your head all day long? I had to ask him if there was a cure.

Daniel - There absolutely is! You just think of another irritating song and it pushes the first one out.

Meera - Great (!) That’s not really a cure though, is it? Well, if these earworms insist on staying in our heads please tell them they serve at least some kind of purpose.

Daniel - This is a key to the evolutionary origins of music. The idea is that if a song gets stuck in your head maybe it has some evolutionary reasons to do so. Some of the anthropologists I’ve spoken to have told me that in certain societies this is a part of courtship. A young boy will sing a song to a young girl. The idea is a song is supposed to get stuck in her head. When he’s away on the hunt, she’ll remember him. They can encounter each other in the reeds for example, and he can whistle the song and she’ll know it’s him. Then they can go off and do whatever they do.

Meera - Hmm. So to woo your next potential partner, seems you should compose and sing them the most irritating song you can come up with. An infallible plan, I’m sure!

RE: A special friend needs a hug,how about it CS

Hello DF and Trueheart, firstly just wanted to say, you are such a lovely, genuine and caring woman DF... Trueheart I am so so sorry for your loss.

Just this morning I was thinking about how we all have to learn the difficult lesson of learning to cope with change and loss in our lives. Nobody is immune. My 9 year old son absolutely adored his Grade 3 teacher this year, and now she is leaving the school. Last night was their praise giving and when we were in bed and I was about to read to them, I mentioned how school is finished for the year and asked how he felt about not seeing his teacher. He burst into tears. This morning he was up early and when I walked through the lounge, he was clutching her Christmas card to his chest and looking so very sad. I sat and talked to him about her and he started crying again. I told him it's okay to cry when you are sad.

It is really hard losing someone you love and even more so when it is permanent. It took me a very long time to get over my mother dying when my first son was only 6 weeks old. I was so upset that she never got to meet him. The thing that consoled me eventually is that we are all made up of energy and energy never dies. My mother lives on inside of me. She is in my smile, my cheekbones, my laugh, my sense of humour... I see her in my younger son's eyes... She is in my heart.

I tell my sons that we are joined by an invisible cord, and that no matter what happens to me, I will always live on inside their hearts.

RE: Really Bad Kids names

We have lots of interesting names here especially in our black culture.... Goodness, Sixpence, Goodwill, Pretty, Blessing, Gift, Innocence.... are some that come to mind...

RE: Are there any REAL women on this site?

Looks like a pole to me! Hello everybody! I promise I'm REAL....

RE: who is happy out there

I am VERY happy! School is over for the year YEEHA! Prize giving for my eldest tomorrow then no more school til 11 January!! I finish my workshops this week and then it's time to relax and enjoy..... Whew. Can't wait. It's been a tough one!

RE: Hello Everybody

Hello Magician and welcome! We look forward to your wizardry on these forums....

RE: Please help me understand what I did wrong !

Hmmm. It does sound rather one-sided to me. You are footing the bill financially and it would appear emotionally too. Truth is long distance relationships are hard work and require BOTH of you to be on board. Sometimes it is tricky to get the time factor right and perhaps you will catch him at a time when he may be tired at the end of a day - that's understandable. BUT, quite honestly, if he cared enough, he should show some enthusiasm and energy for your calls. It also sounds like his drinking is a potential problem... Could he be depressed?

Anyway, I guess you'll have to do some thinking. Perhaps take a step back and see is willing to make some of the effort. Maybe suggest that if he is really that in love with you, that perhaps it's time that HE books the next trip and comes to YOU. If he doesn't make any effort, perhaps it is a message that you should let him go and find something less complicated, like a person closer to your home. Remember, relationships are actually meant to be happy and uplifting. If this one is not, you may need to rethink it. Good luck!

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RE: The HAPPY THREAD

Yeeha! Music is a great lifter of spirits.... My best thing when I'm feeling blue is to sit outside and play my guitar and sing a whole bunch of mournful ditties!!! Makes me feel loads better....

RE: The HAPPY THREAD

Yes, I'm happy! I have two fabulous, beautiful and feisty boys; some truly wonderful friends and lots to look forward to!

Sometimes we have to look at all the things we're grateful for to get out of our rut....

RE: Passing of Time

I agree Serene! The scarring doesn't go away, but time helps us to look at the tough times with better perspective... Instead of licking our wounds, we realise as hard as it was, we have learnt and grown from it...

RE: would you 'sacrifice' your pet for your lover?

Never in a million years. I love animals especially my doggie children! Pets are not expendable. It really pisses me off when people think they are... They are often our most loyal and trusted of companions. If he wanted me to give up my pet, that would be a HUGE flashing neon warning sign that he is controlling and selfish. Same goes for someone who won't make an effort to like my children.

RE: Cutting contact without saying a word...

Hey Gateside! Haven't seen you before and you're from my neck of the woods .... Welcome!

RE: So you are a commitmentphobiac?

Oh dear. Sorry Larry. It sounds like alcoholism runs in the family. I lived for many years with an alcoholic (my mother) and it took a long time to come to terms with the fact that I was helpless to help her because she didn't want to be helped. It is really tough to be around self-destructive people. She eventually stopped drinking, but it took its toll on her...

RE: So you are a commitmentphobiac?

I agree! I'm not in the least commitment phobic, even though I've been hurt. My feeling is that it is opening yourself up to love that makes life meaningful. Yes, you do open yourself up to being hurt too, but it's worth the risk!

...to all of you who HAVE been hurt... and don't give up...

RE: Since I am feeling lonely & in the mood......

Hiya JS... Naughty man! Take heart. You may find a few ladies on here who might be willing to pat you down!