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the Beeb had a program on computer "Dating" , which I think of as search/introduction platforms. There I go showing my pickiness. The "experts" said that one of the biggest barriers to folks finding each other, apart from all the lying and scamming, was being too picky. Now, I agree, and recall the wise adage " the perfect is the worst enemy of the good". Is it really a case of lowering standards, settling, or whatever else we like to call it? Or are their darker dynamics involved? Fear of commitment, for one?

Talks About Dating

Dont give up what you want most, for what you want now

Someone told me that if you put up a pic on a dating site then your chances are 80% but if you don’t then your chances are 20%. Actually, I think 20% is not too bad but that’s besides the point; 80% of nothing is nothing and 20% of nothing is nothing; so what’s the difference whether you have a pic or not?

going to be lewd. I wish some of you boys' mothers could see how you write to women here on CS.............So it goes. I see this sort of writing daily here, as I check out profiles. Striking. Of course, we've all seen a few females here let loose a few choice vulgar words, from time to time. But with rare exceptions (probably the status post abused untreated drunks), only part of what women here write is vulgar, and often it's in response to some man here being inappropriate, as many of us should know. From what I see, this is one of the real differences between the sexes, at least as far as blogging/responding.

New to online dating..Now, I' m beginnjng to think if it works at all.First, I came across some scammers...who say they' re looking for relationships, but, only interested in getting to know you, your personal life so they scam you.
Are there real men here ? I'm interested in foreign men for long term relationship.
I'm caring, homely, kind,sincere.

I know I mentioned this before, but it's so important to relationships, had to repeat it. Had a writers' meeting this week, my first ever. From the gitgo, the only woman present began controlling things. The men, also never having been to such groups, and believing that she had, acquiesced. But after all had read from a favorite author, also on her demand, she said---"Ah, all older white male authors". I let this pass as well, but began thinking later, that another such group might be better for me. This one sort of focussed on poetry, not my major interest, as anyone can see by reading mine. But in chatting with other male pals, all thought her remark was ageist, racist and sexist, very much so. The Left whips these terms around willy nilly, along with a favorite, "Speaking truth to power". Sure, she was insecure, being together with such absolutely brilliant males. Fear brings on defensive controlling styles, often. But we see so much of this, especially in Left leaning women, that it's time to start calling it out. But perhaps not in front of others, as the Left likes to do. Of course racism exists. On all sides. Probably hard wired into the behavioral genome from when rapid recognition of "the other" was adaptive for survival, and for passing on genes. But constant, defensive, self virtue broadcasting of such terms might not be working against the human curse. And how about all us controlling men, in relationships with the ladies? Whence all THAT?

the perennial lounge lizzard... Let's face it, inspite of the occasional silly denial, usually, oddly, from the ladies, most of us really are looking for companionship. Everything from a hot one night's stand, to genuine enduring committed love. Witness the phenomenal growth of online dating sources, of which our dear CS is top drawer, for those in the know. But not so long ago, we all had to depend upon alternatives, from some reasonable enough, to others more dubious in nature. The super market, organized activity groups, cruising strategically in a fancy car-boat-airplane, threads, dances, music venues, match maker services, pastors/rabbis, even aunt Mildred's neurotic single friends...quite a wide range. But how about that bar scene, and it's culture? In an earnest search for committed love, how nifty. Often toxically smoke filled, and loud talk-music, all acting synergistically to dampen any chance of meaningful chatting. Add demon alcohol, neurologically deadening hearing, and impairing judgment,---and there, voila, what could possibly ever go wrong? I've often thought, being vertically severely challenged, that I was at a distinct competetive disadvantage in such places. But perhaps it was a blessing in disguise when I stopped going, years, decades, ago. But as with every meeting venue, the bars apparently do work for some, depending on their goals, and on lots of luck. Interestingly, while one might expect great cultural differences in how bars function and are set up in different parts of the world, in my travels, the similarities here are striking. Human behavior, we are more alike than different, no?

...find committed love, with a grounded, self sufficient and sober person, right cheer on CS. Probably also applies to other sites as well. Why an expert? Like with truthful, addicted smokers, who say they can quit any time, as they have done so quite often. My half dozen marriages to CS ladies, which would have lasted if they were as nearly perfect as I am, makes me eminently qualified. The secrets? Well there really are none. But here goes. Above all, be patient, and willing to put in the effort to vet the many scammers, and nutters. Among the latter, are those on their own great Mandela, traipsing impatiently from one abusive entanglement to YET another. But don't take my word for it. Just ask any pregnant 15 year old about the ages when mom, aunts, sisters and even grannies got pregnant, and where is the father now. These things, as with addictions, of ANY sorts, tend to be cultural, and familiar,---perhaps even genetic. But healing can take place, again with effort, first by conquering personal denial, and then therapeutic work, which can also involve the tincture of time. Learn how to vet scammers, and many folks here, including the site itself, have all the valid tips you'll ever need. And put all these into practice. So I won't bore you with these details. OK, so now you are down to the 5-10% of really eligible and quite real, potential lifetime squeezes. Read their Blogs and Forums, and other stuff they place here---more info to judge intelligence, sense of humour, temperament and even a little history, details of which come further down the line. (See, oh you CS lemmings, TBC.) Cultivate a history of chatting, and not merely a few brief notes, and if possible, hint at banter, --- even flirting some---in use of language, one sign of intelligence, and lots more that is good. Chat HERE, as advised by all sites, and wait a long while before jumping to more unprotected email. A test of patience, and lots more. Avoid initial questions about what potentials are searching for here, how long they've been here, their jobs, and other such stuff. Better to let all this emerge, perhaps except for the darkest ones, which it will, indirectly, during chats, as trust slowly grows. The really dark ones seem, over time, to improve WITHIN a good relationship, and emerge best then, with loving support.Try to reveal yourself over time, in stages, best when both parties share challenges, here in all that you write. Secrets, and we all have them, some quite shameful, are best described on the front end. As my flight instructor always said, better on the ground, than in the air, No? Be prepared to let go with grace, of those, even with whom you have invested lots of time, as surely the time will not be wasted, as you'll learn much about others, their locations, and above all, about yourself. And if, when they return, much later, see this as a gift, not something to cop childish attitudes about. So, now you are well within the tiny percentage of possibles. Time to go to private email, texts, Skype, etc. But since most of you reading this will now be almost asleep, TBC.

I am so grateful, to be a part of the blog land not that long, but I really felt , am so welcomed by members here. In as much as I wanted to enjoy, as being here, has a lot of fun.
But, I would be busy, and would not find time here, no more, so I need to be out from here.
Again, thank you guys, for a warm welcome here.
Sooner or later , I might be back but am not so sure.
Good luck to everyone, and hope each succeed each purpose of being here..
Good Luck and God Bless...