A Blog Of A Different Kind.
My old man, now almost 85, had a nasty fall on February 1st. He fractured his hip bone and received a hip replacement. After two weeks in hospital and another week in a convalescent centre for physiotherapy, he went home last week.He did not like the hospital food and being injured (not sick), there was no reason for him to eat it. I made it my business to see that he got a different variety of junk food every day. This was probably the first time in my life I could do something for him. He always was so self sufficient; he needed nothing and did every thing for himself.
Before the fall he was so active and strong, still driving his own car. I thought that he will live to be a hundred. Now I’m not so sure anymore. While in hospital he looked so old and frail, I thought he’d die any day! Now that he is at home he’s somewhat better, but not a shade of the man he was a six weeks ago. The worst is that he accepted his lot without any rebellion; and then I realised: he wants to die.
Funny, just four days before he fell he told me that he prays every night for God to take him away in his sleep, rather than leaving him a burden to others. If only he would realise that he will never be a burden; not to me, nor to my sister.
How can you ever grow tired of somebody you love and admire to the point of idolatry?
I did not always feel so. It was only when I started working and spoke to other people that I realized what wonderful parents I had. I have lived in the same house since being a baby until the time I got married. Not once did I go to bed hungry. Not once did I sleep cold. Everything I needed was provided. Not that I always got what I wanted; but there certainly was no lack in what I needed.
All his life he worked for the same company; twice he declined promotion as it would have meant relocating and different schools for his children. For seven years my father travelled 80 km to work, crossing a mountain, and 80 km home, not to disrupt my schooling.
I had never seen him smoking. In fact I never saw him doing anything that is wrong. He never used alcohol while he was still working; only since he retired that he would have a glass of wine now and then. Yet he admits to being ‘not perfect’. I guess only he would be aware of those imperfections.
It is wonderful to know that the same house where I grew up is still there for me if I should need it… and sad to know it may not be so for much longer.
Comments (15)
No matter how much you prepare, you can not prepare for someone who is going to die. It will always be a shock to you as the one who will be left behind. Wish you all the best time with your dad, and keep him close for his last years of life, you never know how long he will be there for you.
With love from Welela.
I lost my dad when he was 78seven years ago and like you, I was very thankful to have a wonderful father who was always there for us...his children...
He wanted me to live with him, but as the wise woman I am I did not do that. I did not have it in me to take care of my old dad, and when I saw how the sickness hurt him I am glad I was so stubborn I said no. He wanted me to live with him, but I turned him down. And I do not regret it at all, I know I did the right thing for both him and me. I did more then the best I could for my old dad, but not live with him... But I went to see him every second day of his life the years he had left, so I do have a good consciousness towards him. I did nothing wrong, I was there and helped out the best I could when he was in the retirement home. And he told me I did good too. So I am happy I did what I could for my dad, so I guess your only choice is to be there when he needs you, and look after him, and if it gets worse, you need to tell him he need to be in a retirement home...make sense to him, I think that is the only way to get them to understand why we want them in such a home. I do understand his urge to be in the house he lived in for all this years, but if he gets to sick he should move.
I lost mine when I was around 10 yrs old so I cannot fully bond with you...but deep down I understand what your fathers meant to you.
the best way to repay our parents, I guess, is to be to our children what our parents were to us.
May God bless you all
One can never overestimate the part that your parents play in your life. My brother died when his daughter was ten. She never got over it. Last year, at the age of 29, she married a man of 56. Looking for a father, I would say!
Yes, we tried that, but he won't have it. They will just get in his way - according to him!
But we are making some inroads with regards to a retirement centre. At least he has agreed to look at one or two. I think he might be coming around.
Thanks for your concerne.