The Injustice Of Prejudice
Somebody I did not like at all died last night, but it left me devastated. She was the wife of a good friend and neighbour. I have never liked her for reasons I will not elaborate on now.Six months ago she started losing weight and a month later she announced that she was suffering from kidney failure. Another month later it became TB and another month later it became emphysema.
About a week before I went on holiday her legs collapsed under her and pains got worse. From then onwards one of her daughters came to wash her each day.
I went on holiday for two months and when I returned last week, I was surprised to find that she was still unable to walk, demanding constant attention; still complaining about the pain in the lower body. By then all the neighbours believed that she was simply looking for attention and the thought lingered in the back of my mind too.
She turned 55 yesterday and during the early evening, as a good neighbour and friend of her husband, I popped in to wish her for her birthday. She was sitting upright in bed smoking and drinking a beer; in high spirits. For the umpteenth time I noticed how her behaviour and symptoms are so out of line with the three people I knew who died of Emphysema. I was starting to think like the neighbours too.
This morning early my friend called me, sounding very distressed. I went around to him to learn that his Lily had died during the night.
There we stood, looking at each other wordlessly. He,
broken with grief and I, incapable of words. With a heavy conscience for wanting to believe that Lily was just looking for attention.And I still don’t know exactly what she died of. Perhaps my friend will share that knowledge with me after the post mortem.
Comments (42)
Maybe she didn't believe in quacks and shrinks and decided to go with a bang doing what she liked best.
Some people will never listen to their quack's advices.
She passed with a smile on her face uncaring of what others think.
what to say in situations like these
we live and learn
No, she saw the quack from time to time and she was in hospital for a few days while I was gone. I just did not want to clutter an already too long blog with it.
I fail to understand why she (or the quack) invented so many different diseases. One thing that is certain though (in my mind), is that she did not die of kidney failure or emphysema. I have seen them too often before.
I don't more inclined to believe she died of cancer and for some reason did not want to tell everybody about it. She was not well liked in the neibourhood.
In condideration of my friend I never discussed his wife with him.
I will do so. His children are with him now, some from out of town who will sleep over until the funeral. I don't think I will intrude too quickly.
Hmm, I believe she will. It is those him who stayed behind that I'm most concerned about now.
I believe that death does not bring sorrow to the one departing, whatever awaits on the other side.
It is the swiftness of whatever she had that amazes me. Six months ago she was a healthy and attractive woman.
Hmm, maybe.
But we could have been a bit more tolerant towards her; whatever her shortcomings. My only consolation is that I never showed my dislike towards her which is quite unlike me.
it was truly shocking
We left and in my mind I thought those 2 young girls just may get cancer themselves and I wonder if they will remember what they are saying about my brown skin if they happen to get it.
I suddenly stopped and said, "Whoa, Ed. It could happen to you, too". Sure enough, 30 years later I got cancer. I thanked the Lord for making me stop thinking vengeance!
Yes, this is the most shocking part. Six months ago she was a healthy (and good-looking) woman.
Every time when I hear of racial prejudice my blood boils. I as so surprized when I learned about the racial prejudice in the USA a few years ago. I thought it was put away a long, long time.
But back to the cancer, SA must be one of the top contenders in the cancer statistics. Must be to do with our diet, but it also run in families. Traditionally cancer was a "white man's" disease over here, but in later years the black people here are also getting cancer in growing proportions.
I am very sorry to hear about your friends wife
I think right now he wants to be left alone, that is what I would have wanted if I was in his place.
Secondly, let yourself off the hook. I know how you feel. I had a friend tell me he was dying and I said "You don't look like you're dying. Do you feel like you are?" He said no, he didn't. 3 months later, he died. I never thought he'd go so soon but he did. I thought his doctor was crazy and wondered if my friend was just trying to get sympathy and attention too. It's natural when someone dies and doesn't look like tey are dying to wonder what the heck is going on. Be gentle with yourself, man...
You have my sympathy.
I'm not feeling too bad, just guilty as hell for harbouring such thoughts.
But her death just came as a big shock; I mean after seeing her last night smoking (normal) and drinking (completely out of character) I really thought she was laying it on heavily.
I dropped in there earlier and found two bottles of morphine on the kitchen table; with hospital labels and her name on it. I don't know about other countries, but in this country morphine is only precribed for terminally ill patients in extreme pain. It spells cancer. The poor woman.
Yes, life can be so fragile. One moment in the eternity.
My friend has accepted her death. Said she is better of where she is now. So he had been expecting it, I think.
Good one... yep...
Cat... grrrrrr... cat...
You talk too much different diagnoses...
Stop!
This has a bad energy and we are no longer young...yep...
Think about the good and giving us a good
I beseech...
Thank you.
Yes, the quicker she is laid to rest now, the better. But this whole episode served as a very good lightning conducter to me as well. After reading my blog last night, somebody drove 20Km here to give me the boot.
With all the fuss today I never had chance to think about her. So that matter is resolved now too. Not in the way that I wanted it, but perhaps better so.
...and I want to draw your attention to this
(I think nobody reads us already)
and I think you're getting old, my love... grrrr...
Be my goooooooood boy...
and be healthy
Tell Raymond that I sent my most sincere condolences.
I'm not getting old. I am old. I'm busy drowning my sorrow and guilt in my best bottle of wine. All by myself.
I'll email his landline. You can tell him yourself tomorrow.
I'm sure her husband knew though.
She may have been a much nicer person than you thought.
i can relate to that. sometimes, we do judge because we don't understand what is going on. and sometimes, when we suffer, we dont want anyone else to know what we have.
life is full of surprises... and when we think we have all, we have nothing.
for me, i prefer to live my life "my way", as Sinatra said.
to your friend, my deepest sympathy.
Hmmmmmm... do you want me to come over and kick your aaaaa...s
or cracked you over the head with a bottle ?
Wow! - you have a choooooooice....
So... ?
I'm sure he knew. He had to. And I have a bone to pick with him about this later.
Oh, She was a very pleasant person, but there was a reason for not wanting her around, but as I said in the blog, I don't want to elaborate on that now. It is just something she persisted with; something that nobody, quite understandably, liked.
Thanks for dropping in.
I always thought he wanted it "sideways".
Whatever, she appeared in good spirits the last time you saw her so be thankful for that, and despite your reasons for disliking her, you went to see her, which I'm sure she would have been thankful for along with your friend, her husband.
Hmm, I hear you, but he still could have told me. We've been friends for a very long time and his secrets were always save with me. Just like he's guarding a lot of my secrets.
Yes, I think I will feel better tomorrow. I think I'll take him for lunch tomorrow (later today) if he feels up to it. I should go to bed; it is after 1:30 here, but I cannot get myself so far. Aghh, it not so bad; it's a nice a place.
Hmm, I'm feeling much better today. I polished off my best bottle of wine
I don't think it would have affected me so much if it was not for the other event that took place a few hours earlier. But it served as a good lightning conductor as I never had time to think about my girlfriend giving me the boot. Our relationship was leading nowhere in any event. But as I said: I’m feeling much better today. I was just feeling sorry for myself yesterday.
What you wrote really touches my inside too