Most Viewed Humor Poems (1,865)

File cantalach gruama ina shuí faoin ngrian,
Lifetime’s work prostrated on the railings behind him.
Dubliners busily bustling past,
One separates from the passing herd.

“Cheapas go ndeachaigh tusa ar shlí na fírinne blianta ó shin,
but I’ll catch you on the way back”
Me B*llicks
Cuirfeadh sé ionadh ort an méid daoine a bhí “ar tí “ breathnú ar a chuid saothair gach seachtain
Focal mór agus droch chur leis

“Go on, go f*ck off then”, he intoned go searúsach
Ach chun cothrom na féine a ghabhail dó,
dá mbeadh pingin aige i i gcóir gach óinseach a dúirt a leithéid dó
Bheadh saol an mhaide bháin aige

And just last week,
“FIVE NIGHTS, OR NONE”, proclaimed an tUasal Brooks, laying down a challenge
He’ll crawl, swim, fly to Ireland, drop on his knees and beg
Meas tú ?
Really?
Ar mhaithe leis féin a dheineann an cat crónán
Agus an freagra ceannan céanna, freagra an fhile uasail, ag dul dó, is dóigh.

Left Turning Tendency: [any ‘flyers’ in here? –Now; flyers are not the same as ‘air-heads’.. It’s important we don’t confuse stigmas here – ‘m talkin ‘bout stick ‘n rudder jockeys!] All the same; come barnstorm whit me fer a bit...

Left Turning Tendency

It is said it is attributed partly
to the spiraling slipstream, the prop-wash
Also contributing to this ‘veering effect’
are differing angles of attack
A slight imbalance of sector thrust
that is; sectors left & right from the vertical
Where a rotating airfoil’s downward chop
generate the greater of the two
Hmm... Let’s keep it simple:
Let’s rather call it the mechanics of tickling
an already hysterical wind

Why surely it was Van Gough
first to freeze-frame the whorls, those
consummate curls
vortices about
momentary points of calm, these
eddies in the Wind
A realm where
inconsistency itself in constant flux
cause an airborne strand of spider silk
to wrap around the world

His, the first to portray
elastic likenesses in black, purple, gray
for-ever mixing but never blending
Pumpernickel dough
knead, roll, fold
kneaded and rolled again..
The second and third, the fourth dimension
vying for supremacy
An undulating canvas where vertigo
alternately transpose itself above and below
The Impressionist’s Trampoline

Ah, the canvas
the canvas stretched before us all....


Now you might say I spent my day
clinging by the fingernails
to a riveted seam along the fuselage
with growing concern for the inputs
controlling pitch, roll, and yaw

-Then again; --You might say I spend my days
confusing used motor oil with Netherlands Rain
I mean: what the chewed dog bone not-ever
does Van Gough have anything to do
with piston-powered airplanes ?
Might I suggest a thing
suggest a colloquial thing, or two...
a -toward-the-left-and
turning thing
Happened over the course
of a Van Gough night or two...
One night;
once-upon-a-colloquial night;
dipping brushes to colors by memory
(unable to by sight)... recall it (was) – night
-upon a cumuliform partly cloudy, moderate breeze and
waning gibbous night, no less..
The Gustfront of Anomaly did seize
and not the psychoses so easily ascribed; no
on this particular night
--- I tell you he Was the wind

Now, we do recall at least one commemorative song:
thank you Don McClean
And we think we know the painting(s), likewise
thank you; Master Vince
So now I tell you one last
one last left-turning, turning tendency thing..
Apart the universal given that we know not
of the wind, not
wist it comes nor
whither it goes..
this we do (know) of ourselves:
We hadda good home but we left -- You’re right !
--You Left ! You’re Right !
--You Left !! You’re Right !!

hiddle le’t , hiddle le’t, hiddle le’t, righ’, le’t…


- djg nov/dec ‘05

Seventy maidens from CS castle
broke through enemy lines
They slew the guards of the sleeping
monarch..
They took the kings spoils with all
his golden treasures
They took Philistine spears and
shields
They took the latest Pyramid high heels
which helped women walk like an Egyptipn
They stole the queens pink panties
Then they entered the tent of the sleeping
monarch and clipped and snipped until
he was clipless and snipless
For they were merely following the ancient
saying, 'For she who weilds a heavy clipper,
shall emerge as royal Queen of the snipper.'
So the CS maidens bound him hand and foot
They followed to the letter the propheticbook
They paraded him through the city making
mockery and sport
They even stripped him of his boxer shorts
The lockless one did bow and kneel as half
naked maidens shouted,'How does that feel?
They tied him between pillars of stone
O, those naughty maidens did make him moan
So they teased and tickled for a month and
a day
Til the lockless monarch said,'O, behave!

Drunken bloody puke up
Over the side
Someone yells he’s burlin’ up
On this bloody boat ride
Who organized the pecks paste sangers
On this fishing trip
Along with all this alcohol
Sh*t I think I’m getting ripped
This dodgy food and drinking
And the fish guts everywhere
I think I’ve had enough
Not that anyone would care
I surely can’t wait till I get back to the shore
Because if I was asked again
I would do this no more

30 seconds to door close,
He puts on his Rastafarian hat.

I,
Thumbs up his hat is cool.
He smiles,
And thumbs up back.

Eyes connected,
Exchanging friendly smiles.

He's outside the bus.
I'm,
Inside the bus.
We lock on a stare.

Door closes,
Bus pulls away.
Left wondering!.

Where are our destinations.

Did I miss my Chariot.

For many weeks
I searched high and low
Among soggy cheese sandwiches
Covered with a green dough
Under the bed
With an amount of trepidation
But only found a refugee
From some far off Nation
I checked every drawer
In my very tall chest
And found another refugee
In a very dirty white vest
Behind the sofa
Amidst a furore of dust
No bottle of love
Just a mouldy old pie
With a very hard crust
I searched the kitchen
Though staring evil eyed potatoes
And a mountain of old greens
Then found it hiding
Behind a decrepit tin of beans
I drank with a lust
Hoping to find my lost mate
Then noticed the bottle
Was ten years out of date
My stomach churned
And my blood did boil
And next my trousers
I really did soil
So there is a moral
To a sad and lonely tale
Stick to the sell by date
Or your love life will fail

they say,I'm in fashion
with my trousers,around my knee's
don't think,I agree with them
so please,don't tease.
Hairs,not much better
with that,old gray tint
if I Was a lady
I'd be an old bint.
lost all,my teeth
in last years steak
don't call me,false
that,would be your mistake.
given up,the make-up darling's
yet!!,still got that look
shame,I'm not famous
or I'd be in,that book.
traded in my sports car
for a box,with four wheels
can't pull the totty
with those,iceland bag deals.
once lived in paris
with the new,avante-garde
now,just around the corner
from,old scotland yard.....

My friend had introduced us,
That crisp late autumn day.
He'd told me she was easy,
Would let me have my way.

But she was babysitting,
Her younger brothers, three.
Had to wait until they slept,
Before she would be free.

So we necked a little while,
My hands went roaming round.
I got so damned excited,
My heart began to pound.

Then the kids came in from play,
We quickly jumped apart.
She made us all some hotdogs,
I tried to slow my heart.

When she put the kids to bed,
We necked again some more.
She checked in then after while,
They had begun to snore.

So I took her by the hand,
To lead her off to bed.
She hesitated then cause,
They may wake up, she said.

I swept her up in my arms,
And carried her to lay,
Upon the bed so sweetly.
Then closed the door to play.

The condom that I carried,
I slipped on inside out.
Of course it slipped right off,
Oh such a clumsy lout.

Was over in a moment,
My trigger was so prime.
But hey give me a break now,
It was just my first time.

A little bird told me take a few chances
So I went out today for a space walk
A little bird told me go out on a limb
So I climbed a one hundred foot tree
A little bird told me to stretch my legs
So I walked over a 10,000 foot mountain
A little bird told me to dream big
So I finally bought my first lottery ticket
A little bird told me the moon is made of blue cheese
So I invested heavily in space dairy resources
A little bird told me Congress will balance a budget
Why don't you think that little bird is crazy!!!!!

It has been brought to my attention
There is a poet on here
Who for good reasons shall remain unnamed
Because it's one who is so dear

Their pen flashes this way and that
The words that come are like magic
They make us laugh, they make us cry
Some words are happy and others tragic

You know the one that I speak about
With every write they steal the show
The one that goes by the handle of
........ so there now you know