You aren't living you are existing. You can admit you have had recurring problems with your battle with alcohol, it's a hard battle and never one that is truly over...there is always the craving and the "feelings" that make you want to drink, that never really go away. You carry a large burden because of this so the key is remaining strong and avoiding situations and reminders that might cause you to slip back into old habits. Of course you feel messed up, you are battling something ongoing and this addiction is a very real part of your everyday life, it hangs over you...and you have to choose every single day to embrace your sobriety..it's difficult.
You are a person who withdraws into yourself when you have conflict or difficulty, to change this you have to change your habits and patterns. You must actively seek out a better way to deal with your problems and make yourself commit to doing this. Anyone can say they are going to do something, but it is much easier to say than do and stick with it.
If your friends remind you of your party days and they drink and you no longer do..then it's normal that you wouldn't want to associate with them if their behavior would influence your sobriety. Its not on them whether you would drink or not drink because you would be the one putting the bottle to your lips and making your own conscious choice. But having them around as a posssible influence wouldn't be in your best interest right now either.
You are at a stage where you are caught in a catch 22 situation and you have some choices you need to make if you are to win your daily struggle with alcohol. Find something that interests you and develop it into a passion, make your sobriety your passion. You are more likely not to fall back into the old bad habits, if you avoid the things that trigger it.
Being with someone isn't the answer either sweetie, you have to develop yourself and work on getting yourself better and into a stronger mind set. You have to become the person you are meant to be and once that happens then and only then will you be truly ready to have the kind of healthy, loving relationship you desire.
You are going through depression and self realization right now..when a person drinks and then suddenly stops..their whole life changes and of course this will extend into your outlook on life, love and relationships as well. Take it one day at a time, step out of your comfort zone and do things you enjoy..be good to yourself and remain strong. Your life will fall into place once you let go of your fears...and your sobriety is the most important thing. You are strong and valiant in changing yourself, this is not an easy battle..but you seem as though you are coping and at least making an effort and that speaks volumes about the character you have..don't doubt yourself! Be proud of yourself!
I surely don't need a pair of glasses to know when I'm looking at an ***!!!!! I have absolutely NO idea what the last part of your post meant..maybe that was a mistake or something???
You wonder why your lonely??? Read some of your responses and then go look in the mirror and SMACK yourself..the reality is right there staring back at you....JERK!
What is that saying "don't hate the players..hate the game" there's a truth in there somewhere...dude....get a hobby or maybe check into some therapy if you think every woman lies..that's a classic sign of paranoia.
Because when you make a blanket statement and call women liars...feelings are bound to be hurt and feathers ruffled...that's a true fact! If you think women are liars I'd love you to take a gander into some of the emails I've received..I could disprove your theory very quickly! If you would like to make friends then look around, find people you match up with, send out emails, introduce yourself in the forums and let the chips fall where they may...is that too hard?
What do you all here do when you have so many things on your mind you don't know where to begin. How do you take your mind off your problems, pain, etc,etc. I find that I tend to revert into myself in a type of self-preservation mode and I like to spend this time reflecting and looking inward for answers when things make no sense to me.
If the internet is so lonely and there isn't anything here for you then why are you on CS to begin with? Most womens profiles are a lie????Oh buddy that works BOTH ways. Men are liars too! My time is just as precious and valuable to me as yours is to you...so what is your point?? Oh that you have wasted two minutes of my time posting on your thread..that's what.
The nuances of a newly formed relationship are based upon ideals. It is later when the actuality and realities set in that the relationship becomes tainted with misgivings.
I know what you mean about the "feelings" of first falling in love, the intoxicating emotions, the happiness, the newness, how you feel, the endless possibilities and the promise of something new and exciting...it is overwhelming and wonderful..that is being in love with love and all the good things that come along.
We can't just leave the past in the past..unfortunately. We carry around a certain set of values and expectations from things we learn in the past. If you walk around with rose-colored glasses you are setting yourself up for being naive and taken advantage of...we use the lessons and learning experiences of our past to be able to know what we want and don't want..and in this life there is never an "ideal", only reality.
Less is more in this case. I don't believe there is something as too much thought, everything needs to be put into perspective and focus..one cannot do that without thinking about everything and all angles.
This kind of falls under the reality of why get married at all? If there is no marriage...no need for divorce. To me now especially, I am in no hurry to get married again. I'd have to meet someone who brought qualities to my life that weren't there before. I won't get married to have financial security, out of fear of dying alone, being alone, etc,etc. I will only get married again when the truly right person comes along..if it happens it happens, if it doesn't then that's life. I like being me and like my life the way it is...if someone comes along and brings new qualities and enhances my life so much the better, but not the be all end all.
When you are viewing someone's interest section on the profiles, some people will state their interests. I myself love all kinds of music and have my own appreciation of art. You just have to keep searching until you find what you are looking for......and you will find it when you stop looking my friend.
The definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same behavior over and over again and expecting to yield a different result each time...this is true. I believe we are all here for a common purpose and goal, with that in mind sometimes personalities don't mesh well, people get overly sensitive and sometimes people can just be downright rude or insensitive to the feelings of someone else.
But as for different opinions, I do respect everyone's opinions and beliefs. I've never deliberately tried to disrespect anyone but unfortunately sometimes in my overzealousness to right a personally conceived wrong, I may do that. I am not perfect I am only human.
If you say that this site welcomes the opinions of all and that it is a very full and suits all personalities..well if that were true we wouldn't have had the rash of insulting threads, personal attacks, time outs, name calling and banning.
I believe that not everyone of course will mesh, but diversity is what makes life interesting and worthwhile...this of course is only my opinion.
Well thankfully in America we aren't pressure to stick it out with someone for Social pressures, that's just wrong. People have free will and nobody or nothing should interfere with that.
The causes of what divorce??? I just gave you a few examples from my first post..
HE CHEATED on me HE LIED to me HE WAS CONTROLLING HE WAS NOT THE PERSON I MARRIED
WHY?? What why divorce him???
Because I didn't want to live another day under a roof with someone who made me physically ill just to look at.
Is that more direct and what you are looking for.
Everyone has their own reasons, you can't make a blanket statement and say there are only X amount of causes, there are hundreds if not thousands of reasons two people decide to divorce...one can only speculate....and why divorce??? Why stay married if you are truly miserable...quite simple..life is too short to spend it being tied to someone who makes you unhappy and miserable...time to live is NOW.
cantbetamed71 Forum Posts (901)
RE: I just want to say thank you....
Thank you so much steff..you are so sweet too! Thanks again.