hollandgirl Forum Posts (4,464)

You are only allowed 1/2 hour when you..................

My late husband and I seldom had something to get mad about.
It would be very difficult to get mad at this man.
I am a lover, not a fighter.
Life is much too short.

You are only allowed 1/2 hour when you..................

are mad at me for whatever reason my sweetheart tells me.
I thought that is sooo nice.
What do you think?

10 tips for the ladies.....................

10 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR
GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.


1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up
there.

4. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

5. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so we can tell
them apart.

6. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for
it.

7. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

8. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in
Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

9. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque
books.

10. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it
means that you laugh at his.

Jokes that could be told in church............lol

I "borrow" some of yours and send them to my friends.

Jokes that could be told in church............lol

Jokes that can be told in Church

Attending a wedding for the first time,
a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in
white?' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this
for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran
she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please
don't let me be late!' While she was running and praying, she tripped on
a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She
got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she
once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But
please don't shove me either!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three boys are in the school yard ragging about their fathers. The first
boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a
piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.' The second boy
says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper,
he
calls it a song, they give him $100.' The third boy says, 'I got you
both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it
a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her
handwritten
instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me
out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you
had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem .

A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing
the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining
the
commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially
intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later
in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and
she
said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have
pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about
all this Satan stuff?' The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa
Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You don't stop laughing because you grow
old. You grow old because you stop laughing!

RE: Some thoughts about usage of forums

kitty highlight what you want to copy.
Next go to Edit and click on Copy.
Next put your curser were you now want to put it.
Go to Edit again and chose Copy.

When you get older...................

Hi how is the weather where you are.
Raining here better then snow anytime.
This stuff does not need shoveling

RE: is it weakness to forgive?

Morgan
Forgiving is an act of your will.
Those you can not forgive, don't know how you feel
about them.
You are really paying the price for not forgiving.

When you get older...................

THE OLDER CROWD


A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know,
'that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?'

'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
'I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked
'NO REPEATS'.

***********************

An older gentleman was
on the operating table
awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anaesthesia,
he asked to speak to his son.
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son;
do your best
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well ,
if something happens to me...
your mother
is going to come and
live with you and your wife.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging:

Eventually you will reach a point
when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.

---------------------------------

The older we get,
the fewer things
seem worth waiting in line for.

---

Some people
try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why'
I look this way...
I've travelled a long way
and some of the roads weren't paved.

********************


When you are dissatisfied
and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know you are getting old when
everything either dries up or leaks.

-------------------------------



One of the many things
no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change
from being young.

<><><><><><><><><>

Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.

<><><><><><><><>

First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
you forget to pull it down.

---------------------------------

Long ago,
when men cursed
and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft...

Today, it's called golf.



Lord, please...
keep Your arm around my shoulder,
and, Your hand over my mouth!

What do you know about Canada?

I looked up famous Canadians.
Just too many to post.
They can be separated in groups like; scientist, singers, inventors etc.

What do you know about Canada?

Oops someone goofed here eh?

What do you know about Canada?

Crossing into Mexico with my mom and sisters, we were asked if we had any fruit.
We said no. and laughted as here were some prunes laying on the dashboard.

RE: How long does it take?

I intentionally don't let myself think about dates from my late husband.
It would only leave me unhappy

Worth knowing, something new from Google.................

Thought you might want this. Ken






>Just leave it up to Google to come up with something like this!!!
>
>Here's a number worth putting in your cell phone, or your home phone speed dial:
>1-800-goog411 or 1-800-466-4411. This is an awesome service from Google, and it's free, great when you are on the road. Don't waste your money on information calls and don't waste your time manually dialing the number. I am driving along in my car and I need to call the golf course and I don't know the number. I hit the speed dial for information that I have programmed (1-800-goog411). The voice at the other end says, "Say the name of the business and the City & State."
>I say, "Firewheel Golf Course, Garland .' He says, "Connecting," and Firewheel answers the phone. How great is that? This is nationwide and it is absolutely free! Works on cell and landline phones.
>
>Click on the link below and watch the short clip for a quick demonstration...
>
>http://www.google.com/goog411/ , Texas
>
>http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/nothing/free411.asp

What do you know about Canada?

Glad to hear you got so many seedlings accross the border.
Same for the Japanese man.
Is it not forbidden to cross the border with it?

What do you know about Canada?

Sorry to hear this Stanley.
I have Irish friends but never talked about this.
Bye the way love your accents your songs.

RE: Your life AFTER you finally meet the one?

I have been very lucky meeting him.
The new man now in my live is also very caring and thoughful.
It freaked us out when we found out that he knew may late husband very well they had mutual friends.
I believe my late husband would be pleased to know we have now met.
Small world at times.

What do you know about Canada?

Some Canadian inventions;
VIEW THE FIFTY INVENTIONS HERE

Insulin, Treatment for Diabetes [1921, Frederick Banting, Charles Best]
Telephone [1876, Alexander Graham Bell]
Light Bulb [1874, Henry Woodward, Mathew Evans]
Five Pin Bowling [1908, Thomas F. Ryan]
Wonderbra [1964, Louise Poirier]
Pacemaker [1950, John Hopps, Wilfred Bigelow, John Callaghan]
Robertson Screw, 1908 [Peter Robertson]
Zipper [1913, Gideon Sundback]
Electric Wheelchair [1952, George Klein]
Poutine [1957, Fernand Lachance]
Cobalt-60 “Bomb” Cancer Treatment [1951, Harold Johns]
Java Programming Language [1994, James Arthur Gosling]
Bloody Caesar [1969, Walter Chell]
Canadarm [1975, Spar Aerospace/NRC]
Standard time [1878, Sir Sandford Fleming]
Electron Microscope [1939, James Hillier, Albert Prebus]
Ski-Doo [1922, Armand Bombardier]
BlackBerry [1999, Mike Lazaridis]
Radio Voice Transmission [1900, Reginald Fessenden]
Birchbark Canoe [First Peoples]
Basketball [1892, James Naismith]
Retractable Beer Carton Handle [1957, Steve Pasjack]
UV Degradable Plastics [1971, James Guillet]
Instant Replay [1955, CBC’s Hockey Night in Canada]
Goalie Mask [1959, Jacques Plante]
Marquis Wheat [1908, Sir Charles Saunders]
Pablum [1930, Alan Brown, Theodore Drake, Frederick Tisdall]
Lacrosse [First Peoples]
Electric Oven [1892, Thomas Ahearn]
Steam Fog Horn [1853, Robert Foulis]
Walkie-Talkie [1942, Donald L. Hings]
Alkaline Long-Lasting Battery [1959, Lewis Urry]
Paint roller [1940, Norman Breakey]
Electronic Music Synthesizer [1945, Hugh Le Caine]
WeeVac 6 [1990, Wendy Murphy]
Green Garbage Bag [1950, Harry Wasylyk, Larry Hansen, Frank Plomp]
Snowblower [1925, Arthur Sicard]
Self-propelled Combine Harvester [1937, Thomas Carroll]
Instant Mashed Potatoes [1962, Edward Asselbergs]
Explosives Vapour Detector [1985, Lorne Elias]
Marine Screw Propeller [1833, John Patch]
Plexiglas [1931, William Chalmers]
Key Frame Animation [1969, Nestor Burtnyk, Marcelli Wein]
CPR Mannequin: “ACTAR 911” [1989, Dianne Croteau, Richard Brault]
G-Suit [1941, Wilbur Rounding Franks]
Ardox Spiral Nail [1954, Allan Dove]
Automatic Lubricating Cup [1872, Elijah McCoy]
Crash-Position Indicator-CPI [1957, Harry Stevinson]
Caulking Gun [1894, Theodore Witte]
Separable Baggage Check [1882, John Mitchell Lyons]

RE: Your life AFTER you finally meet the one?

We married and were like two 16 year old's, before we married and this lasted until he passed away.
I was 48 and he was 42.
We were the bobsy twins at times, yet could be each doing our own thing.
We were still together in the same room and that was the point.

What do you know about Canada?

My fiance lives in Vancouver, if and when I see such a T-shirt I will get it for you.

What do you know about Canada?

Do we have another Dutchie here?
I can teach you how to knit your own socks.
I still know how to do it.
It sure drew attention from the students when I worked at an University.

My late husband always wanted only knit socks te wear.

What do you know about Canada?

Japanese people come to Canada by the bus loads.
Maybe cheaper to go with a group?

What do you know about Canada?

Yeah I do know was kidding about the tourist dollars, no I am not.
I think every country could use it eh?

There is a book by the tittle; "I am a Canadian eh?"

What do you know about Canada?

More reasons to stick around

What do you know about Canada?

More reasons to stick around

What do you know about Canada?

I have traveled by train from Montreal to Vancouver.
A fantastic experience. especially when you get to sleep on it too.
You feel like a baby in the crib.

There is one place in BC, (forgot where)were it takes 5 cabooses, 5 engine's, to get through.

What do you know about Canada?

If I were you, I would take him up on it.
He means it!

What do you know about Canada?

Yeah we are like the "Salvation Army" always willing to help.

What do you know about Canada?

We even have heaters here lol.
Just saw in a store today, socks that have a battey by the toes. I thought I had seen and done at all.

What do you know about Canada?

Thanks for being a good ambassador for Canada.
We so need the tourist dollars.