A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....
I wanna do something but not sure what I wanna do.
I always been fascinated with the prospect of alien life existing somewhere out there. With the countless stars and planets in the galaxy, how can there not be alien life. If it can happen on our planet, it can happen on other planets as well.
What would you do if you were face to face with an alien. If it were me, I would shake his/her hand and welcome them to earth.
This may be familiar to Star Trek fans.
I like to think I have learned a few things as I got older. When I was in my 20s, I had no idea what things were and how to respond to life when it came knocking.
Every now n then we see a post that is basically someone bashing women (or men). There was a time in my life, I would have made that same post out of frustration. I never meant it deep down but it was the only way I knew how to vent my frustrations at the time.
I learned however that people do not like those posts and in the end, it only made my situation worst as it caused me to loose friends and destroy any chance of making new friends. I had to tell myself that what I was doing was wrong and I needed to find a better way. I asked myself "is it really them, or is it me?" It was me of course. Once I figured that out, I grew and matured from that and today, I would never think about making a post like that.
When I see bashing posts or the "poor me" posts, I think of what I used to be like and how I grown over the years and grew out of the childishness and do you know what? I have more friends now than ever, I hope that at least one or two people here like me lol, and life is just so much smoother.
Never stop growing, never stop learning, and never stop living.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido,
has cheated him out of $10,000,000.
His bookkeeper is deaf.
That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he
would never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money
is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the
money?"
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking
about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know
what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head
and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell
him."
Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a
brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin
Bruno's house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to
pull the trigger!
A couple was going out for the evening. They had gotten ready, put the dog outside, etc.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out, the dog runs back in the house.
They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver,
"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", he says.
"Stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her a** downstairs and tossed her in the back yard!
She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!
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