Finding a date is hard - so I am giving up.

Ever since I was 16, I have been looking for someone to date. I have been on a few dates, but nothing ever came out of it.

After I turned 18, I met K for the first time. It was new and exciting, and I did feel an attraction to her, so when she asked me to visit her, I said yes. We spent a few hours watching movies in her bed. She was the first person I ever kissed. Yes, I kissed K waaaaaay back in the day, when we first met. The following day she wrote me and said what happened was a mistake, and that it would not happen again.

I have always been a respectful person, so I didn't throw a tantrum or anything. I let it go and went about my life.

A year later, I met someone on a website, and we got to talking. She lived a few miles south of me, so we decided to meet up for a weekend. I visited her to begin with, and I admit that things went by pretty fast. She was the second person I kissed - and more than kissed.

I broke it off when she told me that she was dating someone the entire time. I felt really used by this, so I decided to stop looking for dates or love for a few years.

The first date I went on was back when I was 23. It was with a woman who had a difficult time walking properly, which didn't bother me at all. We went to dinner, and we spent a few hours talking over our meal. I had a great time, and I hoped to get a second date. A few days later she wrote me and said she wasn't ready for a relationship, so I wouldn't get a second date. Three days later, she was in a relationship with someone, so she straight up lied to me. I called her out on it, and someone else said that she had told him the same story.

Was I disappointed? Of course. I don't appreciate being lied to, so I blocked all communication and went on with my life.

A few years later, I turned 30. I met someone online. We got to talking, and she asked me if I wanted to visit her for a weekend. I said yes, so I packed a bag, bought a bus ticket, and off I went. This time, I made sure to ask if she was single or dating someone else. Yes, she was single, and no, she was not dating someone else. That made me feel a lot better, so I jumped head first into what turned into a three week romance. She had recently split from her ex, so she needed something else to think about.

Three weekends with intimate moments, but it never developed into full intercourse. Something told me that she wasn't completely over her ex yet, so I took it slow.

My suspicions were confirmed, when she, out of the blue, told me that she was getting back with her ex again, and that she didn't want to see me again. That one hurt, because I had hoped that this would be the one. That it would be the person I was going to start a relationship with.

A year later, I was off to Scotland, where I met a lot of women, but nothing developed into anything other than a friendship. I did kiss someone at the company Christmas party, but we were both drunk, and we both agreed that nothing would develop.

Fast forward to 2018, when I met R. If I had taken a different approach to certain things that she did when we first met in person, who knows what would have happened there. Her and I could be dating. It's hard to say.

We're now in 2023, and I am having a hard time meeting someone new. So I'm giving up - at least for now.

Maybe dating just isn't for me?