Tickets To Heaven!!
What will be next? A man and his wife were arrested in Florida for selling faked tickets to heaven to hundreds of people. They sold wood tablets (spray painted gold) on the street for $99.99 per ticket, told their patrons the tickets were made from solid gold and each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven.
Apparently selling tickets to heaven is not against the law, but claiming that it was solid gold is.
In his police statement, the man said:
I don’t care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold… it ain’t cut up two by fours I spray painted gold. And it was Jesus who give them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he’d take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that’s made entirely of crack cocaine. You can smoke all the crack cocaine there you want… totally free. So, try to send an innocent man to jail and see what happens. You should arrest Jesus because he’s the one that gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them. I’m willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up…
His wife said in her police statement:
We just wanted to leave earth and go to space and smoke rock cocaine. I didn’t do nothing. Tito sold the golden tickets to heaven. I just watched.
The police confiscated over $10,000 in cash, five crack pipes, and a baby alligator.
Is this for real? Who buys wood thinking it is gold?
Comments (64)
HTF did they sell this wood for gold to hundreds of people. US$10,000!! Can you imagine? Americans are not stupid. Or did they just pay because the felt sorry for them?
That will only work if you can impersonate one of the above persons. They have obtained the franchise and sole marketing rights worldwide.
I had a close look and after 5 minutes of intense searching for a difference, I'm relived to report that my eyes are blue.
I want the to be on the last trip...I'm sure the ticket will be a lot cheaper
You will have to play it close to year heart. You may miss out on a ticket altogether. There may be a stampede for tickets in the end.
Oh! My gosh. They are doing the samething that I do. Accept the fact that I sell my Tickets on online.
The less you pay! The less you will get.
The more you pay! The more you will get!
I can sale you a ticket for the 10 floor to heaven! So how bout it?!...
Are your ticket solid gold or wood that had been spry painted gold? It is very important. We have a lot of gold in South Africa but wood is rather scarce.
Is there any silver ticket? Gold is so expensive these days
Is there a life/ elevator? I would like one that has a lovely balcony so I can look down on earth from time to time
I fear a silver ticket will not secure an apartment with an elevator, and looking down to Earth is not permitted at all. Your bad habits will be left behind and you will not be exposed to temptation again... Except for a tree somewhere in the middle... Oops, I may not tell you about that.
This is the problem with these people. Quick to demand their rights and even faster to complain when they get their lefts.
As for the temptation, I'm pretty good at sneaking out and running away
The internet is one of your bad habits that you will have to shed. However, if you really require Internet, a bronze ticket will secure a G4 signal in a rundown building at another location. It comes with central heating.
Who said anything about heaven? I very clearly stated that it was at 'another location'.
Oh, did I mention that the central heating is stuck on hottest.
you're not putting me on a trip to hell are you?
No, no, no!
It depends on which ticket you buy. You only get what you pay for.
sounds like you're putting me by the gates of hell
I;m not that broke, I can still afford to pay for heaven you know!
You must not cling to what the old people said. Hell is not what it used to be. The illegal immigrants had been deported, the squatters were evicted, the slums were demolished and since they ran out of fossil fuels, it is about a half degree cooler than a century ago.