Why Is 'Not Looking' Considered Hopeless?
Why is it, that when you state you are not looking for someone else in your life, that people (in my case, men) either don't read it, don't think you're serious, or think you've become hopeless?Does it ever occur to anyone that some of us really LIKE being on our own? That our preference is to continue to live on our own, doing what we like to do, when we like to do it, and don't have to consider anyone else?
I made a joke in my profile about Prince Charming and seeking a frog. But I ensured I put in my profile that I was not looking, that I was here to blog. I wrote how one guy had made assumptions without knowing a darn thing about me.
Then another one emailed me and said it was funny (which it was supposed to be) but it appeared I was hopeless at finding anyone. Huh? I don't want to find anyone! Nothing to do with hopeless, just not friggen interested. When I emailed back to say I wan't hopeless, just not looking, he came back with something else about being hopeless. Whatever. Go away.
What is it? That I simply like to blog and because the other site was unmoderated and had become a drama mess, I was simply looking for somewhere else to blog. I'm not interested in any long distance relationship, or online courting, or anything else. I exchanged emails with one guy, and when he read in a blog that I'd gone to North Bend on my own, he called me stupid. Yeah, that's a real come on. Eff off. If I waited for someone else to go with me to places, I'd never go anywhere.
I'm not some shrinking violet that needs someone of the male persuasion to protect me, and in fact, have found in my life, the times I've been in danger and needed protection are from men, not from animals. So give me nature any day.
No, I don't hate men. In fact, I thoroughly enjoy their different viewpoint and discussions on numerous subjects. I actually love men, I just don't want one in my life. I've lived on my own for almost 30 years, and I would have loved to have been in the traditional role of staying home and keeping the home fires burning while hubby went off to work. It didn't work out that way, and now that I've attained all my assets on my own, am I going to let someone move in with me to take half of them? Not bloody likely. I don't want half of theirs, either.
Sure, there are times having a male around would be great, but very few want what I want. I just want a companion that we could do stuff with on occasion, but any man I've ever met wants to be 'completed'. What's with that? I'm not incomplete, so if someone feels they are, then they need a lot more than I can give.
Hopeless? No, not in the least. Many of my pursuits are solitary, and I not only am comfortable with my own company, I really like it. And that's where people get a false idea that if you're alone, you're lonely. Not in the least. The loneliest I've ever been was when I was married.
At this stage of my life, I know what I do and don't want. I don't want someone else in my life. That's not hopeless. That's happiness!
Comments (36)
I've also had emails of people telling me the same thing.
One had apparently been following me around and after some time he asked" haven't you found anybody yet..what's wrong with you?"
I've actually written up on top of my profile that I was only here for the blogs!
It's not that hard a concept.
Any mail I do get I just block and delete them all. I've been a widow for 12 years now and feel that I don't need/want a man in my life.
I'm far from being that desperate or that lonely to seek out younger men.LOL!! My sense of humor has gotten me through ever being lonely.
It's bizarre isn't it, that these guys young enough to be your kids are contacting us? My daughter is 35, and I've had 33 year olds contacting me. Ugh!
Like you, I'm not that lonely or desperate that I'd ever have to look for someone young enough to be my kid. I guess there are some women out there that are, though, which I find really sad.
It is a reasonable enough assumption if you think about it
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You're absolutely right, many people don't consider the desires of someone else, only what they want. I hadn't filled out my entire profile, so now it's filled out appropriately, which should weed out most people.
I also have more pleasant things to do and I never did worry about what anyone else thought.
Yes, I think I addressed in my blog. But, if I didn't, I do realize that many do not read profiles, they just skim through photos and hit email.
Like I said, good thing there's no criteria that says one HAS to be looking for a date in order to blog here. And when it's clearly stated one isn't looking, then it shouldn't be an issue for anyone else.
Maybe we are not happy with the standard of the offers we are getting, or have given up because the offers we are making others are not reciprocated.
Its a bit of an old standard anyway for a dating site, same as saying good sense of humour and listing camping and walking on the beach as interests.
Which is why it becomes a haven for the cynical and self-deluded.
But, like you said, it's human nature, and I believe whatever horse was being beaten, is dead now.
I do know when some people are happy, and content at where they are in life , it bothers some people (jealous) and if its that way let it be so,
That other blogging website?
It would be the ideal, but watched kettle does not boil.
And I am not bothered about what others think of me when it comes to my purpose on being on here. Anyone can say anything they want and it doesn't cost me any sleep.
I hope you enjoy your blogs and stay. Elagsabiff (Elle)I believe wants to know from you, where is the other site?
Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. I am of the firm belief that if you aren't comfortable being alone, chances are you won't make much of a partner. I do not NEED anyone else in my life to be happy.
I have thought long and hard about what it would look like for someone else to be in my life, and that's what led me to the conclusion that I really didn't want and definitely did not need anyone else. Hopeless? No, realistic about my own desires.
I'm amused at the comments that insist I must be looking in order to join a dating site. As I mentioned before, I'll just let that be their issue. Far be it for me to try to change someone's mind that has a belief firmly in place.