Oversensitivity
As long as there is something about you that causes you to feel bitter, inferior or ashamed, the mere mention of certain words will hurt you. I said it many times before and I’ll say it again; words cannot hurt until you give it the power to do so. Only then can they hurt you.
Some of the causes for hurt may be being dyslexic, stuttering, wearing glasses, having lost a limb, being born cripple, blind or deaf and too many other things to list here. We’re talking about things that you cannot change; things that are neither disgraceful nor scandalous. And until you can make peace with yourself, they will continue to hurt when people talk about it.
And if the reason for your hurt is something you can change, like bad teeth or untidy hair, or is due to intolerance to others, I have no sympathy with you for you are making yourself unhappy. If you don’t like homosexuals or hunting or if you don’t eat meat, you cannot expect the rest of the world to agree with your views. You either fix it you have to tolerate it.
Insults normally come to you as a statement of contempt and there are several ways to deal with it, depending on whether the insult is based on the truth and also whether the insult is based on disgraceful behavior on your behalf or just plain pettiness.
If the statement is based on ill behavior on your behalf, it is not going to help to trade insults with your quarry. This is not just words; it is the truth and it is embarrassing. We are not always proud of our actions. Nevertheless, admit that you were wrong, apologize for the indiscretion and not only have you gained the respect of the people around you but you also have taken the wind out of your enemy’s sails. Your enemy has nothing further on you and if he wants to proceed with his assault he must resort to lies and/or pettiness.
If the statement is untrue, it is not an insult but a lie. There is very little you can do about it… and unless if you can expose the lie in one swift and final stroke, ignore it. Those who know you will see it for what it really is; a common lie. If you try to defend yourself against it, it can only create a perception that there may just be some element of truth in it.
Then there is the third category; normally the tactics that slimeballs employ to hurt innocent people. The attempted insult is true but it is based on pettiness rather than shameful behavior. This is not an insult but we perceive it as an insult because we resent the truth; we feel bitter, ashamed or inferior about something that we cannot help for.
Don’t waste your time on shit you cannot change; don’t fall into the bottomless pit of self-pity because of something that you don’t like about yourself. Accept yourself for who and what you are for there is no shame in it. Say to the world, “OK, I have freckles and so what? How does it affect my character or my person?”
Only then you will have the resilience to resist words but until then words will hurt you more than sticks and stones.
Comments (90)
This comes as a surprise, I did not know you read my blogs.
I've been getting hate mail ever since the beginning. It must be my breath.
I don't know why you are so modest. I just had a look at your blogs. Your blogs are well-read and well supported.
Other people are human beings with their own frailties and peculiarities which we could accept, as you recommend acceptance of those who hunt, or eat a plant based diet.
If we all operated using the principle 'I'm okay; you're okay' perhaps there would be less personal battle and more functional debate.
It's been some time since having you on my blog and as always straight to the
jugularpoint.Hmm, maybe I picked the wrong word; 'adversary' would have been a better word choice. Pardon me for the lapse while bearing in mind that English comes to me as a second language and although I like to tell myself that I'm a fluent English speaker, I do use the wrong words more often than I would like to admit. I'm a little bit disappointed that the misuse of one word can change the character of the whole blog. It only confirms what I said earlier. One has to be so careful about what you write. I'll have to try harder.
As mitigation, I just want to add that the two terms 'friends' and 'enemies' have a somewhat different meaning on-line. They cannot be compared with friends and enemies in the real world.
Then about the second part of your comment, I was not referring to self-respect but about the respect that other people have for you. I thought the blog made that clear but apparently not. I'm sorry about the misunderstanding.
Substituting the word 'adversary' does not help, but I'm struggling to find a way of explaining my points in simpler terms.
I'll think on it.
I'm so sorry that you don't have the ability to explain the meaning 'jugular' in your own tongue. In my tongue, it has only one meaning.
And with your latest response, I doubt it if any other word would have been good enough to replace 'enemy', so I guess I will have to fall in with your interpretation of the sentence.
However, I do find the timing of your visit highly suspect, almost as if it could have been orchestrated. I can distinctly recall the two of us having the same discussion about your habit to latch onto a word in one of my blogs to create an issue about it and I cannot help but wonder why you would suddenly reappear now, especially in view of the fact that I don't believe in coincidence.
Any speculation as to my timing is logical fallacy on your part. I was simply curious from your blog title and my post an evolution of your argument in the vein of Maslow's term 'self-actualisation'.
The process of self-actualisation, most notably developed by Carl Rogers, highlights the two points I made - accepting others with unconditional positive regard (other people aren't our enemies, or adversaries) and relying on our own self-evaluation rather than external affirmation (respect from others) for our self-esteem, or confidence.
If we accept others with unconditional positive regard we don't judge a person negatively. This enables us to either debate without ad hominem fallacy (personal attacks), or evaluate that person's behaviour objectively without emotional entanglement.
If a troll does their troll thing, one can debate the subject raised, observe the trolling behaviour with interest, or leave well alone. It's not necessary to become emotionally involved and given the likely motivation of trolling (getting people to take the bait via an emotional reaction), necessary to remain objective.
I just picked up two points to debate in the interests of evolving your argument.
::giggle:
Cat: I do not envy your having to respond to that.
Although, I realise that you're smarter than your average bear so perhaps your opinion will not be a global assessment.
As long as I'm not at the receiving end of them
I have a feeling you're milking my dismay, Molly.
You brutes.
As far as I know, only in Ireland is the word yoke used as a general term for a “thing”, an implement, a contrivance. Jane Barlow in Kerrigan’s Quality, published in 1894, gave the English Dialect Dictionary (EDD) the word: “One of them unnathural little yokes that rowl about wild wid big wheels is after whirreling a young gentleman off of itself below at the corner.”
Please don't start a vowel war with me
You can have U back if you want.
I hate people writing it instead of you anyway
There are plenty of U's the Americans are too lazy to use.
Cattie
When I said be yourself it did not mean the extremes.
Slow down. It's not been decided yet. Now that deleting comments is back in fashion again, I only need to delete one of Jac's comments and then it goes to Nice2. And if I delete two of Jac's comments I get to keep the steak knives.
You won't be getting the chop.
I will need a while to study your response and then you will hear from me. In the meanwhile, I'll tidy up the rest here.
No, this is paranoia. But just because I'm paranoid it does not mean that they're out to get me.
just for a matter of interest; 'yoke' is a very common word in SA and probably in any other region where oxen and/or similar animals are used to perform labor.