The Frigid Midgets
Part 1Mrs. Crompton was cycling home to her little cottage in the village when she came upon two diminutive, downcast figures sitting on the grassy bank by the side of the track. She had a very caring nature and so could not help but stop and ask the reason for their sad demeanour.
“We’ve lost our jobs and been turned out of the big house, where we were employed by Mrs. Strong-Cummings, or her ladyship, as we used to call her,” said one of the small characters. “Now we have nowhere to live, and don’t know where our next meal will come from.”
“Oh dear me,” said Mrs. Crompton, “what was your work at the big house, and why were you turned out?”
“We’ve got special talents, as you might call them,” he continued. “We were taken on by her ladyship as pleasure midgets, and she kept us busy most evenings. Then, all a sudden, we lost our urges, and no amount of talent is any good without the urges. She put up with it for about a week before she said as how a pair of frigid midgets was no good to her, and sent us a packing.”
Mrs. Crompton was very moved by their story, although she didn’t dwell for too long on the nature of their previous occupation. “Look’” she said, “I’ve got a large garden, and now I’m getting older, it is too much work for me to look after it properly. I can’t afford to pay you anything I’m afraid, but if you would like to come and look after my garden for me, I will give you food and a place to sleep.”
The midgets looked at one another and their little faces broke into beaming smiles. “Oh yes! they both cried out together.”
“Do you two little gentlemen have names?” asked Mrs. Crompton.
“I’m Wam,” said one, “I’m Bam,” said the other.
“PLeased to meet you Wam and Bam, now if you both jump into the basket on the front of my bicycle, it’s time we were getting home for tea.”
And off they sped along the track, towards the village and Mrs. Crompton’s little cottage.
After tea, when Mrs. Crompton had shown Wam and Bam where they would sleep, the three of them chatted about this and that, and Mrs. Crompton asked the midgets about their life at the big house. They told her about her ladyship’s lavish dinner parties, where she would get them to entertain her guests with their very unusual and amusing party trick. They described how a guest would be asked to put a small, personal object into a wooden box, and they -blindfolded and not allowed to use their hands- would have to identify what that object was. Mrs. Crompton didn’t hear all of the story; she found that she “would quite like another cup of tea”, and went off to make it before it was finished.
Next morning, straight after breakfast, the midgets were shown the garden, and given their instructions for the day. Not much was required of them; all they had to do was remove the dead roses from their stems, and pull up all the weeds from between the rose bushes. They enjoyed the work, and turned out to be very efficient at it. On the second day, they were shown how to tend the herb garden, and how to grow new plants from seed, in the greenhouse.
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On their third day Mrs. Crompton took Wam and Bam to where her small apple orchard and fruit bushes were. She explained what she wanted them to do and left them to get on with it. Suddenly, Wam let out an exclamation of joy and clapped his hands together in delight. “Gooseberries! look, Bam, gooseberries.”
Bam was equally delighted at the sight of the gooseberries, and he, too, clapped his hands together. They both loved gooseberries. There had been bushes at the big house, and they were each allowed to help themselves to a handful of the gooseberries every day. Their hands are tiny, so what they ate hardly made a difference. But then, one day, her ladyship told the gardener that she wanted the bushes digging up and pear trees planting in their place. Looking back, it seemed to Wam and Bam that that was the beginning of things going wrong for them; it was only just over a week later that they were turned out of the big house.
“Do you think Mrs. Crompton would mind if we ate one or two gooseberries?” Wondered Bam.
“Just as long as we tells her afterwards, but we mustn’t have too many,” advised Wam.
They didn’t have too many, but they had one or two more than they meant to. Later, when they told Mrs. Crompton about eating some of the gooseberries, and said that they hoped she didn’t mind, she said, “Bless you, of course I don’t mind, you can eat as many as you like.” Wam and Bam agreed, later when they were tucked up in their little beds, that Mrs. Crompton was the kindest person they had ever known, and both felt sure that very soon they would come to love her.
Next morning, Wam and Bam could hardly wait to rush into the garden and get their handfulls of gooseberries. Each gleefully ate his handful and then took an extra one besides. They spent the rest of the day working even more happily than before. That night, as the two midgets were climbimg into their beds, Wam said, “I don’t want to be all premature like, but I think I can feel the urges coming back.”
“Oh, my socks and pants!” exclaimed Bam, “I think I can feel them too, now that you mention it.”
They sat in silence for a moment and then looked at one another, and each seemed to know what the other was thinking:
“Should we...,” ventured Bam, “should we go and knock on Mrs. Cs bedroom door?”
“Just what I was wondering,” declared Wam.
Mrs. Crompton sat up with a start when the knock came. “What is it,” she asked, loudly enough to be heard through the bedroom door. “What do you want at this time of the night when you should both be asleep in your beds?”
“Can we come in?” came back a faint voice in reply.
“Well yes, I suppose so,” answered Mrs. Crompton, “but I can’t imagine what on earth this is all about.”
In the morning, Mrs. Crompton couldn’t do enough for Wam and Bam. She sat them down at the kitchen table and fed them the grandest breakfast they had ever seen. And they didn’t have to do any work in the garden at all that day, although Cynthia -which is what Mrs. Crompton had now become- did find them another job to do in the afternoon.
“It was funny how the urges came back like that, out of nowhere,” remarked Wam, later, when the two midgets were alone.
“It was the gooseberries what did it,” said Bam, nodding knowingly.
Mrs. Crompton went out some days later and returned with another gooseberry bush in the basket of her bicycle, which she prompted Wam and Bam to plant as soon as possible, and they all lived happily ever after; especially Mrs. C.
When do we get the part 2?
I take it the widgets will recover their urges and that dear Mrs Crampton won't be able to keep up with them?
Maybe they'll get their old jobs back?
Alas, that too was closed because of Covid 19 .
I ,m not supperised to see the same load of claptrap, political nonsense ,nassistic, boring delivered by a load of stop at homes sad cases .
Shan,t be visiting much again thank goodness.
Luff and peece.
Much happier away from here.
I'm sure everyone here would join me in urging you to do what makes you happy.
Offering to buy, or perhaps 'Good home offered'
There is nothing wrong with the word madness, call a flower a flower. Lunatic as you know comes from the Moon and the full moon does affect the insane. There's another word you aren't allowed use.... insane. Except in a court of law.
I read this blog as The Fridge Magnets and my glasses are intact.
I suspect I was primed to misread by virtue of the other blog, which makes me wonder how you came to make your error. Hmm?
I think it's the way the mind protects itself.