Making Perfect Children
I have a bit of a headache this morning. I think there was something wrong with the fish. Or maybe it was the red tide that hit me when the cork came out that last bottle.
But I don’t want to talk about that today. I want to talk about making perfect children. 
I’m sure that you would have noticed that all children do not have the same good looks. And, let’s face it, not all children have the same brain capacity. Some are brighter than others. Children are born with varying degrees of these two qualities, but it is seldom that you will get an exceptionally good-looking child that is exceptionally gifted with brains as well.
Although a less than well shaped nose or ill proportioned ears does not make your child less loveable, we do want our children to be perfect. But that is just my humble opinion.
Some people may believe that that is just the way nature deals the cards, but it is not the case. You do have control over that. You can make it happen. And I’ll share that secret with you today.
You ladies must listen carefully now; this concerns you.
Pick a night when you know that nobody will call at your house. Then remake your bed, using only the best satin sheets. Run a full bath of water and add all those fragrant oils and salts that you like so much in there. Stay in that bath for as long as you can. Then dab yourself dry; never rub. Pour two glasses of champagne and get into bed alone. Then finally, pick up your cell phone and call me.
Of course there is no guarantee that you will conceive the first time, but I will be more than willing to try a few more times without an additional fee.
Enjoy the day and may your children be very good-looking and brainy as well.
PS
I know some of you ladies are very shy about these things, so if you want to comply simply leave a message saying 'Very amusing'.
Comments (54)
Hmm, I'm afraid there is quite a waiting list now. I'm thinking about appointing a secretary to handle my appointments. Preferably an older one; not to interfere with my good work. One can only do such much in a working day.
Did you read the post script.
At the present time I can still cope, but I will press your button if the need should arrive. However, there is a bit of a waiting list here too.
I spoke to Tom Cruise a few minutes ago, but he said he is too busy and too rich for things like this and that he hires people like me to do the things he does not feel like. Maybe he will change his mind if he saw your pic, but my privacy policy does not allow me to send your pic to him.
But I am really shy...so I am going to say it was an oversight on my behalf.
I could not resist adding it after I read your comment.
Does sterility take the fun out of it.
However, I am a tad old to breed. My child bearing days are behind me (thankfully)
That comes as a surprise; I'll have to take look at your profile sometime. I thought you were much younger. I know the South African sun ages women a bit earlier over here, but I imagined the sun in Oz to be about the same. I'm always surprised to see how well the European and North American women age.
My daughter is celebrating her 21st this year... at my home, when I return from my next trip.
Aging is a funny thing. I was 26 when last I was chased out of a pub for being to young.
My father went through the same phases at more or less the same age and look at him now! He will be celebrating his 86th birth day is on Tuesday.
Happy Birthday to your father by the way.
Babies mmmmm I thought they were made in petra dishes these days.
I was just looking forward to it.
Actually, the truth is, I was involved in an industrial accident shortly after the birth of my second daughter and it left me sterile too. So, for the last 34 years I have just been shooting blanks!
I don't thing Age will worry about minor details like accepting it with grace. He will proceed regardless.
Et tu, Brute?
I wonder if this pain in by back is a dagger?
I think that would make the assurance double,
That is very reassuring. Then perhaps the pain is simply old age?
Yes, it was so long ago, I don't really remember much detail.
Oh, we did not have TV at the time. That only came in 1975; I think. Our government of the day said TV will kill the movie industry. Even Zimbabwe (Rhodesia then) had TV. At least we started of with colour TV while they still only had black & white. I wonder if they have colour now.
Then I take it that you don't support petri dishes. I'll record your vote as such.
Yes, dear, very hard, but I'm doing the best that I can.
You see, I only had one shortcoming. I used to be very full of myself, but I have sorted that out. No more self conceit in me now. So I guess now I'm perfect.
Hmm, I suppose these petri dishes can hurt if you forget to take it out of the bed afterwards. I just cannot imagine it. They're so cold. Could that be why my back is so sore some mornings?
That's all fine, but where will I get an halo? The angels won't come near me. The last one said I'm trying to corrupt her!
Now you're talking out my my bedroom again!
But you know I take them off when I go to bed.