A Letter To An Old Friend.

My dear friend,
Of course you’re welcome to visit me here in Troll Land. No, don’t pay any attention to the foreign press; it is just propaganda. They are just envious of all our natural resources and want it for themselves.

You will be enthralled by our people. Did you know that we have magical powers? We have the ability to make things disappear. Like now the read it and poof… you read it no more. The scrolls vanish as you read it. I only wish we could make other things disappear as well, but the power is not strong enough. But with enough practice, who knows…

You will also find that we are very skilful people. We are masters of the art in those intricate techniques called ‘copy’ and ‘paste’. Yes, I know that everybody can copy and paste, but you will have to admit that we do it very smartly; better and more frequent than anybody else around. I should not talk about this for we are a secret organization, but I am proud to be the lifelong honorary president of the Trollish Guild Of Copiers & Pasters.

But it is not all milk and honey here in Troll Land. The milk is going sour and the honey has lost its sweetness. So much so that sweethearts don’t call each other ‘Honey’ anymore.

For we have these rat insurgents sneaking up on usvia the sewers, coming to steal our trade secrets and then use it against us back in their own countries. Luckily the sewers lead through the cesspool and one can smell them from afar.

As the rule of nature, the biggest rat of them all is their leader. You must see him. He’s almost as big as a kangaroo; and he can do a perfect impersonation of a baboon.His 1st lieutenant has an obsession with fire engines (the red variety) and bleats like a bloody he-goat! Then there is their new back rider too. Not really that new; for in horse terms we would call her 'long in the tooth'. Another one has a tail like a crocodile. His tail is so long he has to drape it around his body.

Can you imagine a pack of wild rats led like a flock of sheep by a baboon? Of course there are a few other lost sheep in the flock too; bleating along sporadically, competing for promotion up the pecking order. Nature can be so interesting.

I know it would seem that I only write to you when I need help. There is a man in Hamelin who plays the flute and he is reputed to be very effective against rats. Bring him along when you come to visit me. These are desperate times.

Your friend in Troll Land.