Expecting Too Much?
I think I have been expecting too much from marriage. All I wanted was a relationship with my wife as my mom and dad had. But no two persons are the same. Let alone two couples. The permutations are too large in number.During the 21 years that I spent in my parents’ home – minus one year of military service – I had not once heard a single harsh word uttered between them. Not in front of me or my siblings in any way.
Oh, they had their differences yes; there were days when you could cut the atmosphere with a knife; days when the house was quiet and they would disappear into the bedroom and we could hear a heated but muted verbal exchange interrupted with a ‘shhhhhht!’ every now and then when voices got louder.
Then of course there was the banging of the doors. That was the first thing that alerted us that things were not kosher; and the lack of any music. Other times there was always music playing.
But comes dinner or bed time – whichever the first – the two were reconciled, cooing like doves
and we could eat as a family or go to bed knowing that all was kosher again.
Is that really asking for too much?
Comments (90)
'It takes 2 to Tango' to hold on to rithmic and constant dynamic of relationship so mutual tolerance 'give and take' is essential tool. Finding right meatch is the key as if you are by nature like fast plane and partner is like little slow car it's always going to be a obstacle to overcome differences in every life department...I know what you're saying when compering many things with your parents;as we all do unconceously compare things with our modelling parents realations and wish to take what we like or avoid what we didn't like in our parents marriage...but men can't re-marry he's mother or women re-marry her father as our partner is usually different- as we are...I am not relationship cancelor to know what each of us needs to make things work individually but I know that we all need to work on ourselves to listen what other person desire from us too to make things work.
No nonsense that. And he still is.
As the oldest living member of a very large family, and apparently fit for another 10 years or so, he is our godfather and is a very wise old man.
Thank you for such positive input. If only...
You wished for the same kind of relationship your mum and dad had , even though your mum was a nagger .
You wish you had the patience and understanding of your father in dealing with a woman who nags . Then you would not be single. Something like that am I getting close ?
Sorry Mr Catfoot I am not an A class student.
I find if I give my man what he wants he's very happy to fit in with me , so never need to nag . He's also a nice enough man to want to give everything to, so we are in a good place.
Usually if something is going wrong in a relationship we look to the other person , often it is ourselves who we need to look at and understand first before we can be successful in real love.
Usually if something is going wrong in a relationship we look to the other person , often it is ourselves who we need to look at and understand first before we can be successful in real love.
Now I'm even more confused. Why on earth are you wasting your precious time on a dating site with your negative attitude while you could be making your boyfriend/lover/husband happy.
Such are the perils of love. You try and if you fail it is back to the drawing board and you try again.
I realized that we did not get married...
How are you girl?
You are such a difficult woman to love because every time you get upset with me you run back to your husband.
I agree with this.
I did not know that.
Aye sir!
And same...
Yes I think you have it about as accurate as it can get. But most of those long lasting marriages were very happy once those stormy first few years were negotiated. Now very few survive them. It would seem that we have moved away from the two parent family unit to a model of single parents.
From reading your blog, I am of the opinion that you are the reason you cannot have a relationship with your wife.
Relationship is about the two people in the relationship, not about what their parents had. I am of the opinion that you compare her every move with your parents, rather than listening to her and hearing what she says. Relationship is about COMMUNICATION....listening and talking. It is about TWO people, not ONE person. Your response to Z "you only need one peacemaker in a relationship to make it work" shows where the problem lies: YOU! YOU DON'T NEED ONE PEACEMAKER IN A RELATIONSHIP. Both have to want peace for it to work.
Your comment to Angel "how can I be asking for more if I cannot get what I want." Mister, you don't always get what you want in a relationship. You should be willing to give. It is not about 50/50.
My suggestion is to see a relationship expert with your wife and listen to her, and stop comparing her to your parents.
Good luck.
what's up
My friend if you want to talk about ramble the you have to quit rambling yourself. Don't give advice if you do not understand the blog or the problem.
I have never implied I have a current or not so current relationship on the rocks. I have not been married for many many years and my current status is happily divorced.
If you had known me as well as most others here you would have known this goes about something yet to come.
Beter die kat aan die stert beet kry as the verkeerde been trek.
But this cat has claws too.
Last night you tell me you love me and now I get the tongue again. I will still bite that tongue off.
Ek het nie name genoem nie, volg net my oe
Draw back those claws
Hi Foti!
Check with an English teacher.
You're priceless.
Netom ammal wee te lat skarrel vi di vetalers.
I did not love no one last night...
Well if you seem to know it all then I bow to your greater knowledge.
Maybe you should write a daily blog giving free advice. I'm sure you will do just great. And perhaps throw in a few English lessons for good measure. I shall certainly subscribe.
It was not you? then somebody deceived me.
THIS IS NOT "SOMEBODY" - it sclerosis !
exactly opposite of what I want
I want a wife with two bodies
not wife with two personalities.