Expecting Too Much?
I think I have been expecting too much from marriage. All I wanted was a relationship with my wife as my mom and dad had. But no two persons are the same. Let alone two couples. The permutations are too large in number.During the 21 years that I spent in my parents’ home – minus one year of military service – I had not once heard a single harsh word uttered between them. Not in front of me or my siblings in any way.
Oh, they had their differences yes; there were days when you could cut the atmosphere with a knife; days when the house was quiet and they would disappear into the bedroom and we could hear a heated but muted verbal exchange interrupted with a ‘shhhhhht!’ every now and then when voices got louder.
Then of course there was the banging of the doors. That was the first thing that alerted us that things were not kosher; and the lack of any music. Other times there was always music playing.
But comes dinner or bed time – whichever the first – the two were reconciled, cooing like doves
and we could eat as a family or go to bed knowing that all was kosher again.
Is that really asking for too much?
Comments (90)
But comes dinner or bed time – whichever the first – the two were reconciled, cooing like doves
My old man (father) i can remember him saying to me, "never let the sun rise with bad feelings in the air"
This is the single most important part of a couple wishing to stay together.
If the sun rises when anger/frustration has brewing over night, the next day becomes worse than the day before. A bit like a molehill becoming a mountain.
That is why our parents managed to stay together so long. they reconciled before things grew to such an extent that they became irreparable.
It proves that we failed to learn the lessons our parents taught us.
Either you replied to the wrong blog or you do not know what is going on. This has nothing to do with women's rights. This is about a happy marriage.
I suppose two wives could not both be wrong
now you must understand that my mother was a compulsive nagger. And my dad just took it in his stride. "Yes Dear, No Dear, Two bags full Dear."
There must be a surer way. You cannot build a relationship on a gamble.
It's true what you say about marriage,but don't you think that there is more pressure put on the family these days. Demanding children having the "I wants" ,risk of job failure from a failing economy. The list is endless.
It takes a great love for 2 people to negotiate a path of happiness,and sadly love ain't what it used to be.
Happy New Year to you and yours.
you're right Buddy.
My mother was a nagger but my old man handled it bur her nagging left a mark on me.
When a woman start nagging I leave. Cannot handle it.
Indeed. things were more stable then. My dad had only one job all his life and I grew up living in the same house. no disruptions and fear.
yes it is sad and more sadly I must blame progress and technology.
I'm sure if you ask them nicely...
you only need one peacemaker in a relationship to make it work.
How can I be asking for more if I cannot get what I want.
Ok this serious one, sometimes when you expect something not get the way that you expect but it could the best one that you have or get.
Wish you will find your dream one in her happiness to be together
I suppose that is one way to fix it but it is so permanent. You are bound to miss the nagging sometimes.
But then again, if you get the right cellmate you'd be so busy running away you won't have the time to miss anything.
IMO it came with a price though - only for my mum. Pressure from both mothers, full-time work and housework, kids, all on her shoulders.
I did have good relationships in the past but that was always the breaking point - that NOT everything workwise was left to me and trying to take decisions away from me. Both people have their strength, but a partnership implies that to me - partners and that's what I was missing at the end of the day.
It did sadden my parents that my siblings didn't have a similar happy marriage as themselves.
We all get what we want but we don't always know what we want; or what is good for us.
Yes as soon as I find the right one I will beat some sense into her.
The old caveman attitude seemed to work best.
I think we just give up too early.
Before a couple waited until the children could finish school before divorcing; sometimes even putting the grandchildren through school.
Now it breaks up before the first go to school.
Looking at relationships going wrong around me, a good few started for the wrong reasons (wanting children, not being on their own), some people just were blind and hoped the partner would change... Not trying hard enough didn't even come into that.
People change and sometimes people don't know what they want until they know what they don't want.
In my opinion, you are not expecting too much.It is a normal request. As a child we always have a dream our life and marriage will resemble as our parent. ( i mean in a good way)
But, if it happen differently, there are nothing we can do, avoid it or even regret it. Just reconcile it and enjoy your life.
i don't know why you are confused. Maybe you must read a bit slower. The fact that my mother was a nagger did not affect their happiness as my father was quite able to handle it
I fear you are the one that is confusing me. I read my blog again and cannot find anywhere that I said want a nagger for a wife. I merely admitted that I cannot handle it.
Maybe you are a nagger too?
Why does changing times have to prohibit happy unions? Husband and wife need to form permanent bonds to equip our children for life in a stable environment.
A very important point you touched there. Most marriages are based on a misconception.
She marries hoping to change him and he marries hoping that she will remain the same. And they're both wrong.
Yes we do tend to use one or both our parents as role models; be that for better or worse.
But I have been single for the largest part of my adult life and these things did not bother me until I met somebody recently and now wonder where I went wrong before. I'm simply scared of a repeat of the past.
All I can say is: Amen to that, but...