Are You Jealous?
Yes, I am jealous, though just a little and outsiders will never know it. A little jealousy is good for a relationship and it should be shown sometimes. Just to let your partner know that you still care. Methinks that the one who claims not to be jealous, is either lying or simply does not care.
However, jealousy is often confused with a monster called possessiveness. This emotion drives people to violence. When you see it - unless if you like it when your life is controlled by somebody else - run for the hills! This is the guy or doll that is going to tell you who you may not be friends with, what you may not do, who you may not talk to, where you may not go to, what you may not wear, and even when you may not laugh. In fact, this person will try to take over your entire life and smother your personality.
Quite unlike a bit of healthy jealousy that is good for a relationship, possessiveness will kill it and trap you in a cocoon of fear or frustration. This person is obsessed with you, and may easily threaten murder or suicide if you should leave. And some will be capable of it. They are sick people.
There is another related emotion called ‘envy’. This is when you are ‘jealous’ of the achievements and possessions of other people and it drives people to inferiority, dishonesty and/or nastiness. I’m not going to dwell on that today. We see enough of it every day.
So when do I get jealous? I don’t mind a bit of light flirting, I‘m a shameless flirt myself but I always try to give my girlfriend or date more attention than all the others together. I expect more or less the same from her. I think that is only reasonable.
I don’t get jealous when a guy gives a lot of attention to my girlfriend or date. I rather like the idea if she is popular. It only underlines my good taste in women. However, if he is obviously irritating her, forcing him up to her, or if she ask me to, I will tell him off very politely the first time and if he does not respond accordingly, I’ll do it again but more to the point second time around.
If I feel that my girlfriend is paying too much attention to somebody, I’ll let it sleep for a few days before I tell her so. If she was just a date, I won’t tell her anything and if it continues after a second or third date, I simply won’t date her again.
So, in my opinion, it perfectly normal to be jealous and there is nothing wrong with it. It is the other two members of the family that we must guard against.
I wish you a wonderful day.
Comments (108)
Though I will never do something to deliberately hurt my girlfriend or wife, it does give me a little pang of joy when I get to realize that she is jealous. It tells me that she cares.
That is pretty normal. All you need guard against are the things that your mind can conjure, for that is no longer jealousy.
Jealousy is neither healthy or normal.
Jealousy is caused by the infedelity of ur partner.
I have had plenty of experience of it in my marriage.
I am trying very hard not to have it repeated but men r men.
As u say they like flirting and feeling wanted outside of the current relationship.
Testers r also required to keep their self esteem high.
Got some communique from her but did not understand it too well. I suppose I will in time.
Tell her I'm not scared of all those faces. Her bark is worse than her bite and I'm not sorry about stealing her cupcakes. I will do it again when I get the chance.
Oh yes, I forgot you were the princess of poetry.
Yes, it is the same boat I'm in. But I just get a feeling that you lose out when you have nobody to be jealous of because it translates to nobody to care about.
Yes, infidelity is bad and is one of the things that causes jealousy but that does not make jealousy bad.
I just realized your problem. You are angry and walking around with too many grudges deep inside. Maybe it is time to forgive those that did you short. You can never be free to move on with your life while you carry old pains in your heart. Let it go and start living again.
canadian slang jello = jealous
trying nailing jello to a tree, it dont work
wish u an awesome jello free day
there is only one jealousy. Whether it is caused by infidelity or an innocent private conversation. But prolonged jealousy will first lead to sadness and then to bitterness. I think this is what we see here.
Mr Spock, if I remember it right came from Vulcan where they had no emotions. We, on the other hand, are humans with feelings and as such, jealousy will be part of our makeup.
Jealousy is a quiet emotion with a feeling of sadness inside. It does not include tirades, demands and ultimatums. That happens with possessiveness, which certainly goes hand in hand with a low self esteem. Jealousy, possessiveness and envy are closely related and sometimes confused with each other. If jealousy was due to a low self esteem that I fear that the whole world suffers from it. Nobody like to see his/her loved one with another.
We may have different definitions of jealousy. I don't think jealousy is wrong and believe that people confuse it with possessiveness.
I have known a number of men in my life of 50 yrs. U might have noticed that I don't fall for men easily because I need to find a man that is not always looking for someone to inflate their egos. That is in marriage and the time after. I cannot find one that knows what fidelity is. Find me the man that is not looking for attention outside his current relationship. The question is who left who and why in the last few relationships. Blatent honesty is a requirement.
Ok, I respect your opinion but still wonder if you are using the right word. Jealous and possessive cannot be used interactively.
You see, this is exactly what I tried to demonstrate all the time. What you described now is envy. You're not jealous of me. You envy me for those things.
But if you were in the humid heat that I have here right now (sitting without a shirt) you would not envy me ay all.
Possessiveness and envy are certain relationship destroyers!
And that was not jealousy either. She beat him because she considered him as her property. She was possessive.
I have a line to draw here for me Cat. I do feel jealousy at times, and that is because of course, how I feel, but like I have said, it has to be within reasonable limits. I think doubting and lack of complete trust is the reason but here is my question. Can truly everyone be trusted? Or for me, can I truly give my complete trust to the one I love? Or should I just accept the things he does knowing so that it hurts me sometimes?
Trust and respect are some of the main ingredients for a successful relationship. But no matter how strong that trust, if you walk into a restaurant and see your girlfriend or wife with a very attractive stranger, anybody will have at least a momentarily stab of pain in his heart. That is caused by jealousy and is certainly not bad. The scene that you witnessed may be completely innocent. It may be her employer or a very important client with her. Or even a cousin she has not seen since childhood.
But I can bet you that she will feel very happy in her heart when you describe your feelings to her later that night.
Then love is unbroken. Trust is intact. And you both keep on growing together. I hope.
If your other half has never given you reason to distrust, then you should trust him/her. I little pang of pain now and then if you misinterpret a compliment given to somebody else (or something else in that line) cannot be that bad. That does not mean that you have to be blind. If you cannot trust your other half, it is best to let him/her go. Even if it hurts. Hanging on and fighting about it every time will not solve the issue. If you cannot do that, you may rightly be accused of possessiveness. Remember that saying: If you love something, set it free...
Yes, I think I understand the bulk of your comment. I remember we always had a difficulty understanding each other because of our different languages but nevertheless got to the bottom of it even if we had to rephrase our words more than once.
Must be approaching bed time in India. The sun has just gone down but it will still be light for a long time. We have a long twilight in summer. And it is still azhotazel.
If my girlfriend beats me in public I will drop here right there and then.
Quite so, I'm the guy who would walk up to them, greet her as I normally do, try to give the stranger my best smile while I greet them and wait for her to introduce him. If they invite me, I will join them and if not, I will seek a table somewhere out of their sight. If the trust is still intact, I'll tell her about how I felt and laugh about it, otherwise she will have some explaining to do. Failing that, the trust will be broken and there will be no further grounds to proceed with the relationship.
And all the same to you my friend.
Communication to me Cat is the crucial and critical Avenue of any relationship, at least to me. Hopefully I will never be in that place again. I'm very cautious now and I hope it will serve me right.
Yes, I'm sure there are more things that I did not mention. This is why we put it op for perusal and comments. What we write here is mostly opinionated but so we learn by the experiences of others.
And I agree (said so a bit earlier) than when the trust is broken, there is no point in continuing the relationship. Trust is one of the few things that can never mend completely.
in one of your posts (This blog)
you have excellently put....in 7 words...
I suppose you could be right. I grew up in a home where trust was never an issue and in a family where nobody had been divorced in anybody's memory. I took trust for granted.
I married a woman whose parents were divorced. But it goes deeper. All her uncles and aunts were divorced as well. Her grandfather and grandmother were the only two married people in the family.
After we got married, the accusations started. Maybe she thought that I was like her father. If I was ten minutes late from work, I had been with another woman. I was not allowed to have friends and had to give up my sporting activities. Whenever she became unhappy, she ran off to her mother, sometimes for up to a month and during that time I was forbidden to go there.
Then, every time when she decided to return, I was accused of philandering while she was gone (as if I was the one to abscond) and had to account to her about every I did every night.
This went on until I got fed up and told her to stay where she was, when one day she wanted to return after another stint with her mother.
I said a lot of things in this blog. You will have to be a bit more specific. I'll never be able to suss out which you are referring to.
nope! i will never let you ....know...that
A very informative blog Cat. Good luck and take care.